My Story - Believe its TMS in my hands/arms

Hi,

As part of my hopeful recovery i am posting my story so that i can refer to it if i ever need to and any advice you may share. I am currently on Day 11 of Alans TMS program and i am enjoying it so far. Here is my long story..

Around the start of 2020 i noticed i was unable to do a proper thumbs up sign without some discomfort and pain followed by being unable to make a fist. Shortly thereafter i couldnt reach my hands straight above my head otherwise i would get pain in the arm pit area. Thus began my journey of googling what it could be....started with MS and arrived on many different reasons why this is happening and began to fall down that rabbit hole of health anxiety.

As time went on i realised my hands were getting stiffer and stiffer and lost a lot of motion in them and my wrists, putting my hands down flat on surface and trying to straighten my arms caused immediate pain in my foreams. This lasted for several months, i lost weight (2 stone) and i was a skinny guy anyway so looked really ill and the anxiety and depression got worse and worse until i started to suffer panic attacks.

I went to Drs and hospitals only to find midly low vitamin d and a raised inflammatory marker in my blood but neither were concerned and sent me on my way. With the pandemic ongoing this further added to my anxiety and my partner was also pregnant with her second child, plus we were in the middle of a house move so again none of these helped rest my mind.

After having another panic attack and thankfully being placed on furlough leave i had a number of hospital tests due to my persistance, i had a endoscopy which only found a 2cm hiatus hernia and colonoscopy which found absolutely nothing. Blood test showed my inflammatory marker was a lot better so had no idea what was causing it to be raised. I also went to see a rheumatologist regarding RA as i thought i may have this despite it being muscular and not joint pain, and they assured me after xrays and blood tests that i didnt have this and referred me to a physio. Both a private physio i went to whilst waiting for the nhs physio and the nhs physio both agreed that i had no illness and was simply a muscular issue and began to give me stretches and exercises which were more painful. I also had vision issues and dizziness and a number of what i would call anxiety symptoms that woukd change all the time such as heart palpations, constant adrenaline rush like a fight or flight feeling all the time.

A doctor put me on antidepressants and within 2 months my arms and hands seemed to release a bit and i was able to straighten them a lot better and my mood was amazing. Around this time i stopped taking them as i wanted to deal with it without relying on tablets. Within a month and a stool test to complete my gastro referral they said there was a problem with my stool which was abnormal, the dr called and diagnosed pancreatis much to my horror over the phone, i began to google about it and sank back down that rabbit hole. Then because i told him i had no abdominal pain, i dont drink or smoke he doubted his diagnosis and said that i had a pancreatic insuffiency instead which again i decided to google. He scheduled a follow up blood test to check for autoimmume disorders and this pancreatic insuffiency, all of which came back within normal range aside from midly low vitamin d again which he told me to take over the counter stuff.

I was relieved but i noticed he was checking me for celiac so i tried the gluten free lifestyle and within a week my anxiety decreased, the dizziness went away and my vision got better. I thought finally i have found the problem and began to strictly eat gluten free for several months, i also went to a food intolerance place who said i was intolerant to a lot of things and called it leaky gut and advised of pre and probiotics for a period of time to allow my gut to heal.

During this time i didnt get any further release in my hands or arms but i could use them without pain mostly, then around October all of sudden i started getting really bad wrist pain in both wrists and my index fingers specifically started to get painful. I noticed swelling beneath the finger and through online diagnosis i found trigger finger to match although the clicking was mild, i began to research how to get rid of it without cortisone shots or surgery and began a lot of different exercises and stretches. This started to cause pain in the other fingers again all muscular and not joints and again i was struggling to straighten my arm when palm down due to pain moreso in my wrist this time. Went to a Dr and Physio who both said nothing to be concerned about and its an "overuse" injury. My video gaming had drastically reduced to only evenings since i now have kids and im not always using a mouse at work so i thought this cant be right as i have used my hands more intense than i do now with no problems

At this stage i checked gaming pages and google for RSI and came across a guy who mentioned TMS who recovered within a couple of weeks after following the program after having issues for nearly a year. I then found this forum and read all the success stories and began to see hope and immediately bought Dr Sarnos Mindbody presciption book and started Alans programme. Throughout all this i am of the believe that the constant anxiety i have been under has made my muscles tense up so bad all over in what i would call a manifestation of TMS, it does sometimes feel like my circulation is poor one minute and then great the next and the pain in my wrists or index fingers come and go. I believe the tightness in my forearms and the tightness in my hands is what caused the so called trigger finger and by releasing the tension i am hopeful that this will soon go away. Once i did find this site i did notice my hands were a lot less stiff in a morning and wouldnt stiffen up as much when in use so felt i was on track but sadly this seemed like a placebo affect and as of typing this i am back with the same problem.

I am going to continue doing my thing in the hope that one day i can have relief from it, to assist with this my girlfriend is checking my internet history to make sure i am not "googling" symptoms again to feed my anxiety and i no longer use reddit to get peoples reassurance stories. I know its one step at a time but do you guys feel that the underlying cause is my anxiety and TMS.

My reasons for believing so are...

Being on antidepressants made my hands ease up initially but i dont want to have to rely on them...
Symptoms have changed that much, hands feel better some days and worse the next.
Always slightly stiff with a little bit of muscular pain in a morning which eases and goes away for most of the day until i game or use the computer too much.
Different departments at the hospitals and GPs cant find any thing wrong
When recieving massages he gets rid of some knots only for them to feel good for a bit but then go back to the way it was.
Ive had neck pain which eased up, then shoulder pain which also eased up but its my arms, hands and fingers which have persisted.

 

hello!
yes~ just about everything you mention points directly to TMS being the cause of your physical issues. all the stress you’ve been under, all the life changes, all the myriad stressors and stuff that makes a life~ it’s all the stuff that adds up and the nervous system just says NO.
all that life stuff is enraging to the inner child. it’s enraging to your unconscious mind. you’re not even really aware of it!
what you need to do now is the “inner work”
of really examining your life, your triggers, your background, all and everything.
welcome to the beginning of the rest of your new life! the examined life. which you will
soon be able to live to the fullest!

 

@Fal : You are absolutely in the right place. You are going through what I have been going through (although I have made some progress), albeit with a different part of your body: a perceived or maybe even real minor physical issue that morphed into an all-consuming health obsession, anxiety, depression, constant fight-or-flight, etc. Waking up in the morning and it's the first thing you think of till you go to bed at night and it's the last thing you think of. Anxiety, obsession, and TMS pain are all a bundle, at least that's how it is for me. There is a 100% chance that if you resolve your nervous system hypervigilance, the physical problem(s) will go away or at least ease tremendously, particulary since you have had so many tests come back clean. The anti-depressant experience is also very telling.

So the way out is all the stuff that is given in the various programs and advice either somewhere in this forum or elsewhere (Sarno, Alan Gordon, Schubiner, etc). Losing the fear, and losing the focus. Breaking the cycle of feeding it with your attention. Lots and lots of great success stories of people who have done exactly that.

Hope it helps! Since you had good success with them, what are your thoughts about going back on the anti-depressants in a low dose to get you back in a better place until you can resolve it? Then titrate off. I'm always curious about people's opinions on here about using medication.

 

Thank you both for youre encouraging responses.

I am nearly to the end of Sarnos book and a lot of it resonates with me, i have seen a tiny improvement in terms of flexibility and seem to be getting pain in different areas so i would like to think i am on the right track.

I certainly wouldnt want to go back on anti depressants due to the other side effects they have and ultimately even if i came off of them i would still need to work on my anxiety anyhow so might aswell teach my brain and body how to cope without it.

 

Update

Struggling a lot, haven’t been able to clench a fist much but there are days when I can clench it further than others, I can literally feel the oxygen deprivation in my fingers and sometimes going up my forearm.

I can cope with that but it seems to be in both of my legs and feet, now I sit a lot due to my work which may have added to it but my hamstrings, quads and calves are super tight which is now affecting my feet which can be very painful. I’ve managed to stretch it out and walking to make it slightly better but starting to feel like a lost cause again.

There’s no reason for any of this to happen, I wake up so stiff and just doing basic things is painful, I had a massage and he couldn’t believe how tight I was. I think it helped a bit but not a lot.

I know in my mind it’s TMS but seem to getting worse rather than anything getting better.

 

Jan, you are right. All i am doing is focusing on the pain and the issues im having rather than focusing on why its happening, i have restarted to do the SEP and Alans side by side and will re-read Dr Sarnos book.

Also going to increase my exercise, yoga and meditation daily to ensure i can get to the bottom of it all.

 

Back again. Now I am 100 percent true believer in this theory.

Late 2022 I realised I again was losing weight and dropped all the way to 9 stone. Went to the doctor and they did blood tests and yet again the only thing that showed was again higher than normal inflammatory markers. Was tested for all the possible causes and found absolutely nothing, I however was struggling to walk. My feet, ankles, knees, hips, shoulders, face all hurt with movement, and yet my hand stiffness was getting way worse.

Went back to Rheumatologist who again advised that I did not have RA and had no clue why I was in so much pain, they offered to put me forward to a hand surgeon to at least look at why I couldn’t make a fist on either hand.

I asked my doctor to try one last thing and that was anti depressants as I noticed in the past this helped with stiffness, within 4 days of taking them my heart palpatations finally stopped after 4 years of what felt non stop. I began to sleep better and then over the coming months along with doing some stretching I felt my leg muscles and other parts of my body finally release however not completely but not enough to disturb my day.

As time went on I unfortunately split with my partner last year and this brought some of the stress and worry back, although nowhere near as bad. I noticed I started putting weight back on and then noticed my toilet habits improved and could eat whatever I wanted.

The only that remains to this day is stiff (not painful) hand and fingers (with swan necking) which I am still unable to make a fist and considerable weak wrists. I went to see a hand surgeon who referred me to hand therapy but was confident I would get my hands back without the need for surgery but couldn’t diagnose anything in particular as the reason for it, he did mention potential CRPS. Went to my first hand therapy appointment and they looked as confused as anybody and couldn’t understand why my hands were so stiff without any form of RA or OA nor an injury and then telling me not to bank on getting full flexibility back. After walking out feeling deflated and pissed off, it hit me that this is all caused by TMS proven by the release of previously tense muscles from anti depressants and also the heart palpatations going away.

I’ve hit that roof of any other explanation other than TMS and I now 100 percent truly believe, and none of it makes any sense, I haven’t injured myself and X-rays have proven my hands and wrists are structurally fine despite the tightness and stiffness. TMS kindly do one, you ain’t bringing me down anymore.

 

You are absolutely correct in your assessment. What you describe sounds like dystonia, which was one of several symptoms of my CRPS. Mine was in both hands and I experienced stiffness, muscle weakness and swelling. It took me close to two years of slow, gradual recovery before I was able to conclude that I healed completely and resumed normal life. It is TMS. Keep doing what you are doing, and you will heal!

One more: heart palpitations most likely are associated with general anxiety and are TMS. If you need more encouragement and reassurance, you can visit the website that @miffybunny and I created specifically for the CRPS patients but equally apply to any TMS condition, which has our stories, resources and blogs. Dystonia and heart palpitations are both mentioned on our success stories page - enjoy! Best of luck to you and feel free to reach out to us with questions!

 

I was 100 percent convinced on my last post but even more convinced now. Spent the last two weeks watching all the vids on YouTube from Dan.

I’ve noticed in two weeks alone the sudden looseness of my hands and fingers, plus stronger wrists. Whilst I still can’t make a fist I feel things are improving at a steady pace.

Went to my next hand therapy appointment today and my range of motion in each finger at both the PIP and DIP had improved by 10 degrees in most and maybe 5 in the pinky’s and that was without doing ANY of the assigned stretching exercises to do. My trigger finger nodule has also greatly reduced.

I am wearing some splints to help with stability to do things but that’s all i wear them for. I am no longer afraid.

My sleep habits are 10 times better, I can fall asleep easier and I seem to dream more than I’ve done in years. I’ve also noticed some hand sweating which I haven’t seen in years.

Hopefully over the coming months I will have improved even more, actually I don’t mean hopefully I mean I will see improvement even more!

They key - Stop subsconciously sending fear and danger signals to the brain.

 

Just checking in with you Fal, how is it going?

How's the nodule looking?

Paz

 

Hi Paz,

Its gone on my left hand, and is barely visible on my right hand. Once i realised this was all TMS i noted a massive improvement in pretty much my whole body, my weight has come back and all the stiff parts were very slowly loosening up. I am confident in time i will be able to post a full success story. My thought is my hands and wrists tightnened up due the stress so the tendons couldn''t move properly which then causes the nodule and once it eases up the nodule can be massaged out or will release on its own.

I view recovering from TMS for some people like running a hot bath but the tap is slowly dripping out so will take a long time to fill, in the case of TMS, my body is recovering with each drip and i will eventually get there.

 

TMS is a btch!
I cured 3 years of insane backpain using Dr Sarno!

But this still kinda baffles me, i can accept and understand how TMS can cause pain, stiffness, and all of these things, but NODULES???

I mean, actual nodules in the hand, hard physical nodules that you can remove using your mind?

How long did you have the nodule before it dissapeared?

(I'm happy to read this, got nodules on my right hand - I also believe it's TMS, but reading stories like this makes me just more certain)

Im really happy for you brother!