Never Give up on Journalling

I discovered Dr Sarno and journaling 2 1/2 years ago. Although I journaled a lot for several months, and again last winter and spring going deeper into issues while I was on a mind body course, only occasionally do I now pull out my journal to write a short thought. However, I have learned that I will never know when something I have buried deep inside will surface and I can't rush it or force it. An issue with a collegue has been weighing on my mind for several weeks and I realized yesterday I must talk to her about it. This is very difficult for me as I have a lot of trouble asking for what I really want, especially when the person I'm asking might give me a certain look. (My mother had 'the disapproval look') I realized from Dr Sarno that this is from my subconscious learning in early childhood, but I thought it wasn't any particular incident. But last night, the triggering incident from when my mother and I were visiting my godmother, whom I loved very much, floated into my mind. I journaled, I cried, I felt different. Although it would appear as not much on an incident to an observer, to the 4-5 year old that I was 56 years ago, I embedded the scene into my mind and never forgot the message, "Don't asked for things you want when visiting, it's rude, you might not be invited back." I internalized this as, don't ask for what you want as you might lose love and acceptance and not be invited back. It's always a mystery what and when something will crop up from the subconscious, but it can't be forced and I accept that. It's always a gift when it does.