New here. Neck and shoulder pain, on top of lingering feet issues.

Hey, all. I'm new here, and my story is rather long, so I'll try to break it down by category to help people jump to the most pertinent parts.

History
I'm a longtime lurker here (as well as the old TMS Help forum) who is also a firm believer in TMS and Dr. Sarno's methods. At 42 years old now, I've had a slew of issues over the years that I've come to realize were TMS, probably most of which, I'm sorry to say, were after-the-fact. Despite this, however, my problem when facing an issue is always one of belief: Overcoming the idea that perhaps this time it really is structural.

I am a relatively fit person, exercising between 4 and 5 times a week. I used to exercise all 7 days a week, but I stopped this about 5 years ago when dealing with an issue with my right shoulder, which looking back now was very likely itself TMS. Nevertheless, due to my often times demanding exercise routines, I am constantly worried about overtraining and injuring myself. I didn't used to be this way, but after reaching my late thirties and experiencing some physical setbacks that I can't help but contribute to my age, I find it very hard now to break this self-destructive mindset.

Current Physical Issues
My two latest issues that have been plaguing me are my feet and, most recently, neck and shoulder pain. I've been dealing with the foot issues for close to 4 years now. It started with pain on the back of my left foot and on the outside of my right. The left foot was originally worse than the right, but now it's the other way around. The original pain in my left foot, too, is now gone, as is most of the pain on the outside of my right, but now both feet are painful to stand on for longer than a few minutes. I also have a feeling of tightness, tingling, or swelling on the bottoms of both feet (I honestly can't decide which it is), and the pad of my left foot feels as if I'm stepping on something when standing.

While these issues have been extremely frustrating for me, mainly due to having to curb a lot of my physical activity, I could at least get some relief when I sat or laid down. They also didn't cause me any real issues when sleeping at the end of the day. And so, because I wasn't suffering enough already, I guess, about 4 weeks ago, I started experiencing severe neck and left shoulder pain.

I'd had a bout of this pain, albeit to a much lesser degree, about a year or so ago when I tried to pick up bass guitar again after many years. I figured my posture must've been off or the bass too heavy, so I put it aside for a while. After a month or two, I was more or less healed. A few months ago, then, I decided to give it another go, and the pain slowly returned. Again, I stopped, but this time, the pain only got progressively worse.

I've now reached the point where I can't lay down on a flat surface with my head against the ground without being in extreme pain. Sitting and standing are also painful, although standing being the least uncomfortable position. I also can't sleep comfortably at night in virtually any position. Pain medications seem to do nothing, either. The pain is primarily on the left side of my neck near the back of my collar, and it radiates down into the back of my left shoulder and shoulder blade, and sometimes even down into my bicep at its worst. This pain ranges from burning, to cramping, to a feeling of pressure that presents as if my neck is about to explode.

Treatment
I saw many doctors about my feet at first, and I feel they only made the issue worse. I sometimes believe an off-hand, unrequested remark from a podiatrist's aide telling me that, "You walk on the outside of your feet, don't you?" is what triggered me into overthinking my walking mechanics and indeed created the very issues I'm dealing with today. But who really knows with a TMS'er like me?

Regardless, after the third podiatrist did nothing but take my money, I gave up on bothering with any more of them. I went to my GP a few more times for it, but to his credit, he admitted that he was pretty dumbfounded as to what the issue could be. I've treated myself the last several months by wearing shoes about 95% of day, as well as by limiting my time standing and doing other things on my feet, including exercise, which has been a huge blow to my ego.

As I've basically given up on any Western medicine now, I've seen no one about my neck in the four weeks or so since it's been bothering me. I've thought about seeing my GP this week for it, as he is a pretty good guy, but I don't expect him to do anything but to tell me to take it easy and prescribe some pain meds, then ask for me to come back in a few weeks. Seems pointless to me, and I just hate wasting time and money on this stuff anymore.

For myself, I've cut back on my exercising considerably the last few weeks. At first, I tried to muscle through the neck issue and not let it capture my attention, but as I've reached the point where I basically can't lay flat on the ground now, a lot of my exercises have just become impossible. As a result, I've relented to a couple of very simple calisthenics workouts a couple of times a week for now. I'm miserable because of it, but I figure I need to at least entertain the idea that I pulled or strained a muscle without immediately jumping to a TMS diagnosis and making something real worse. Again, the classic dilemma I'm pretty sure we all face, unfortunately.

Life Issues
I'm 42, which is probably in itself the biggest thing that causes me anger in my life. Quite frankly, I hate being this old. I never really imagined I'd make it this far. I wish I could go back to 30. Heck, while I'm wishing, I'll just say 25 and call it a day. Everything just gets harder as we get older, and I'd rather not have to anymore.

Compounding this, I am nowhere near in life where I ever wanted to be. I make good money, but I really don't like my job. Once upon a time, I wanted to go to Japan, teach, learn the language, and become a translator. But things fell through, I made mistakes, waited too long to go for certain things when the chances arose, and that ship has now long since sailed.

I recently got a promotion (applied to another position within the same company), thinking it would improve my outlook, but I think it only made things worse. For one thing, I miss my friends at my old job. I don't really fit in on my new team either, and after about 6 months, I've pretty much lost hope that I ever will. I also feel sort of useless here; like they hired me because they thought they'd eventually need someone on the team for this role, but there is very little for me to do for the time being, and what I can do, I'm virtually lost on most of the time. This is very difficult for someone who was (tooting my own horn here) arguably the most productive person in the office at my old position, and also someone most people in the room could turn to for help if they had a question themselves. It's just very stressful, and I spend almost every day at the office looking at the clock, counting down the minutes until I can leave.

I currently live with my parents, too. Honestly, I could easily afford my own place now, but I guess I just don't see the point. It's also hard to even fathom a move when I'm in constant pain. I told myself I would move out when my foot pain got better, and here we are. I've given up on dating, too, as I wanted to get married and settle down someday, and at this age, I can't see that ever happening. So what would be the point of moving out anyway, right?

That said, even though I get along with my parents, it's definitely a crowded environment. It also hurts me deep down, I think, seeing them getting older every day and knowing they won't be around for much longer (relatively speaking, anyway). And as I have no wife or kids of my own, I can't help by feel like I'm just going to be all alone soon.

Outlook
I would be remiss if I didn't mention that I've actively thought about just ending it all. The foot thing has really tortured me over the last 4 years or so, making someone who once felt like the fittest person in the room into now feeling like a closeted disabled person. Having to keep up the facade that I'm still healthy around most of my friends and coworkers, too, is a stresser in and of itself.

The neck and shoulder pain now, though, has only compounded my depression. I haven't had a good night's sleep in nearly a month, and my workouts are just hollow now. I'm in constant pain and get very little sense of fulfillment throughout the week. I'm on vacation this week, too, and as the pain has only gotten worse, I honestly don't know how I'm going to go back to sitting in front of a screen for 8 hours a day for a job I'm already having a hard time with, all the while pretending I'm doing just fine.

Questions for the Community
Has anyone here faced similar physical symptoms with either their feet or necks? Was it ultimately TMS? How am I supposed to get over these issues, short of laying in bed for the next month or two and quitting my job? If it is TMS, is there any hope I can get over these pains when I'm otherwise so miserable with my life?

Something, too, that's always sort of bothered me: In Steve Ozanich's book The Great Pain Deception (probably my favorite, most referenced TMS book), he talks a lot about the body's inability to heal when we're stressed and in a perpetual fight-or-flight response. This has always implied to me, then, that we do have a real injury that simply can't heal due to our stress levels. And as physical exercise, especially intense physically exercise like the kind I like to partake in, usually drives our stress levels up, wouldn't we have to cease these, both to allow a real injury to heal, as well as to put our bodies in an ideal state to help facilitate that healing? Just wondering if I've misread this part of the literature.

TL;DR
42-year-old male who's seen his share of TMS issues over the years, albeit usually in retrospect. I'm facing a years-long bout of feet pain, along with near-debilitating neck and shoulder pain now for the last 4 weeks. I have no idea how to come at healing from either of these issues anymore, either structurally or even with a TMS mindset. Short of quitting my job and sleeping all day for the next several months or longer, I honestly have no real hope of ever being out of pain at this point.

Any words of advice, encouragement, and inspiration would be extremely welcome. Thank you all.

 

"Pain medications seem to do nothing" - well, there's a huge giant glaring neon TMS sign!
You've done a great job of explaining your conscious inner stress, you know it's about how you are perceiving yourself. I read that you are very hard and negative on yourself. It's a lot of "should" have's or self-victimization eg. you won't get married because you're too "OLD" at 42. You live with your parents because it's easy, but still you've mentioned that life seems hard.
What about all of this is making you ANGRY and enraged, way deep down where you aren't aware of it?
Why don't you see yourself as worthwhile even if you aren't in the perfect relationship or have the perfect job? Why do you see yourself as a failure?
I see a list of successes: you were hoping for a job in Japan and when that fell through you picked up your bootstraps and got a good job. It's not perfect, it's not your dream, but at ONLY 42 years old there is plenty of time for you to chase your dreams. You can play bass guitar, you like to be physically fit. You have awesome dreams: to learn Japanese, to become a translator.

What else I read: That your mind tells you thinks that may or may not be true.

So far we're at two personality traits that Sarno outlines in his books - perfectionism and anxiety - fear that you are not enough at work, that you are two old to chase your dreams, low self-esteem, dependancy - you're living at home because it's "easy" . So many of us with TMS have these personality traits and more. If you haven't read any book by Dr. Sarno, I suggest you do. It will be an eye opener!

"Has anyone here faced similar physical symptoms with either their feet or necks? Was it ultimately TMS? How am I supposed to get over these issues, short of laying in bed for the next month or two and quitting my job? If it is TMS, is there any hope I can get over these pains when I'm otherwise so miserable with my life?"

This show's you've kinda missed the point of TMS. TMS is not about our physical pain. Actually, the physical pain is just the side act to the main circus which is the mental suffering. "WHEN I'M OTHERWISE SO MISERABLE WITH MY LIFE". (BIG GIANT HUG). Right now I wish you could see how awesome I think you are. Your TMS has just chosen to hurt you in places that will get your attention. It has nothing to do with symptom matching with other people. Read through this forum and you'll see pain in every part of the body from mild annoyance to complete debilitation. I've been bed bound twice once for a year or more 10 years ago and then for almost 2 years a few years ago. It was ALL TMS. I'm on my feet and the other day walked almost 6 miles and sat for a movie and then at a restaurant. If this old lady can do this, you can do this.

"he talks a lot about the body's inability to heal when we're stressed and in a perpetual fight-or-flight response" - once again, this has 0 to do about a "physical injury". Your perceptual fight or flight response is activated by your stress response. You can absolutely begin to create a more elegant nervous system response by doing the TMS work. You just need to train your mind and body to the this nervous system response needle on it's gauge to move from fight/flight to rest and digest without getting stuck so often. This is about STRESS which translates to ANXIETY.

So now what do you do?

Feel free to explore more of this website at https://www.tmswiki.org/ (The Tension Myositis Syndrome Wiki)

This website is inspired by the ideas of Dr. John E Sarno who’s pioneering work in the field of TMS has led to many scientific discoveries about the human chronic pain experience. We suggest you begin to learn more about TMS by reading one of his books. Here is a short biography and bibliography of his life work. https://www.tmswiki.org/ppd/John_E._Sarno,_MD (John E. Sarno, MD) Even if you read his book before, read it again. Your TMS brain has missed some of the key points he's made. That's nothing but your brain trying to protect you from the truth.

Not sure if your chronic pain is mind body related? This free, short quiz from the PPD Association (PPD is another term for TMS) can help you gain a clearer vision of your chronic pain. https://ppdassociation.org/ppd-self-questionnaire (Self Quiz — Psychophysiologic Disorders Association)

The ACE’s test is a short questionnaire to help you recognize how your early life many be affecting your current life and stress. Take this test by imaging yourself as being a child. How did the actions of others in your family effect you as a child? https://www.tmswiki.org/forum/attachments/aces-quiz-pdf.1558/



Once you’ve read a book by Dr. Sarno (or read it again) and have taken some time to digest it, you will have a better idea of how you might proceed in dealing with your symptoms.

Consider investing some time in completing the Structured Educational Program. It will teach you some of Dr. Sarno's methods (specifically his column method for understanding your inner rage and other emotions), and help you recognize that NONE of this is your fault, and to begin reframing your perception of self. https://www.tmswiki.org/ppd/Structured_Educational_Program (Structured Educational Program)

Anxiety is a common TMS symptom. Resources created by Dr. Claire Weekes are most often very effective in dealing with anxiety. You can find more here: https://www.tmswiki.org/ppd/Overcome_Anxiety_with_Dr._Claire_Weekes (Overcome Anxiety with Dr. Claire Weekes)

The TMSWiki’s guide to journaling: https://www.tmswiki.org/ppd/How_do_I_journal%3F (How do I journal?)

Nichole Sach’s method of journaling is called Journalspeak. Many people find it effective: https://www.yourbreakawake.com/journalspeak (JournalSpeak | BreakAwake by Nicole Sachs)

Expressive Writing is also another method of journaling: https://backincontrol.com/the-4-stages/stage-1-laying-the-foundation/begin-expressive-writing/ (Expressive Writing - Back in Control)

For you personally, I suggest you begin some lists. I have a diary of my lists and they were so helpful in reclaiming my sense of self and getting out of feeling victimized by life, and pain. You don't write about these lists, you don't elaborate on them. They are simply names or single words you can revisit.

List 1: Your support system - people who will encourage you on your journey without you having to explain too much what is happening. They'll just be cheering you along this can include pets and any spiritual entities you feel close too.

List 2: People who are more in the background of your life eg. friends who you don't speak to as frequently, who you feel mentally support you in general, just as you support them. They don't even need to be 100% present in your life eg. you know your old co-workers would wish only the best for you - these can be people or pets living or having passed away.

Your interests: list things you've been into in your life. You've already mentioned some: fitness, guitar, Japanese language and since you want to move there probably add culture

Your goals: no matter how long they might take to achieve, no matter how "out there" and far away they seem.

No list is static, they can change, ebb and flow - there is no judgement attached to these lists, they just are.

Lastly, because you brain seems to have decided that self-judgement is a really great distractor from your emotions and further feeds into your anxiety, I suggest you look into meditation. This practice will help you learn to separate from those crazy anxious thoughts (most which are just hogwash) in the same way Claire Weekes describes "floating" through them when they come on in daily life.

Start slow. Do a little bit every day.
Recognize that whatever you are doing is the beginning of re-claiming yourself and ending your mental suffering.
When you can end the mental suffering and begin to get back to moments of enjoyment in your life, the pain will begin to change. It might be a physical change, or it might simply be the way you are perceiving the pain.
For some people it's like flipping a switch, for others (like myself) it's taking it's own sweet time. Patience and kindness towards yourself.

 

@FitWit
I was really moved by your story on a bunch of levels. First off: you Absolutely have TMS. Full blown. And it is curable. But not for free. You are going to have to empty your entire life, like a big closet, and sort through how you think, how you live, and where you’ve been. Some things from DEEP in your past might be playing into this. And some current things (like your mega boring job that is totally wasting your time And talents) are at work here. Maybe even living with your parents is causing you inner rage that you don’t want to admit. You want to look for conflicts: like, I love my parents, I should be grateful to live with them, I’m crippled right now, but I Hate this and I feel trapped! Stuff like that.

Long story short; your body has called Uncle. Your life is no longer sustainable to you. You need to reboot. The way you do that is unique to each person. @Cactusflower gave you a phenomenal list of suggestions. Just dig in and start working. She, by the way, is one example of the many amazing people in this site you can learn from. Read. Read. Read. I read old posts. Dig all around. The wisdom is infitine!

It’s true we don’t really focus on who has what symptoms to prove they can be healed. Everybody’s TMS manifests differently. I’ve had a bunch of symptoms through the years. But my most current ones began exactly as you describe on the feet. Exactly. In the past I had the neck thing too.

Don’t despair! As you do the work, so much will change. You’ll sort all this out. And you’ll soothe your nervous system. And you WILL heal, as long as you don’t give up.

Check out some of the success stories on here. It’s amazing what people have overcome. This is a mental problem. An emotional problem. Don’t worry anymore about your body. You can actually do anything you are brave enough to do.

Stick around! Wishing you all the best. And hey, from where I am, you have your whole life out before you. You are young. And you’ll get this all straightened out. Read some books by Dr. Sarno and start Journaling. Also meditate or study how to soothe your nervous system. This will take time. Be brave!

P.S. Answer to your question about stress relief. Two biggies to check out: Dan Buglio (painFreeYou.com). Daily videos. And also a community he mentors soothing your nerves. Also Read: Hope and Hrlp for Your Nerves, by Claire Weeks, MD. It’s all there!

 

Yes, free $-wise! Not free, work-wise!