Observations at 6 AM

I had an interesting observation this morning after waking up. I'd just gone to the bathroom and gotten into bed. I could feel a choice in front of me, think about pain or not. I wasn't in pain, but I could feel. that it was calling to me and all I had to do was fall back into it. I tried to keep focus on my breath but I was very conscious of the gravitational pull of observing pain or not. All this time my aches were not present, but I could absolutely feel them waiting for attention so they could spring to life.

I wasn't able to stop my attention from going to my pain, but I did keep my focus off it for a couple of minutes. So even though I'm hurting now, and wide awake I'm feeling optimistic about my recovery.

I just finished reading The Great Pain Deception and loved it. I feel like for the first time I understand the big picture of TMS.

 

Hi Murmur, I listened to a radio interview with Ozanich at 3am (UK time) this morning and woke up feeling similarly about a choice. So I decided to do what he said he had done during his recovery, I got out of bed quickly and started running on the spot. I couldn't (and so didn't) really visualise it (which has really been working for me) and it felt unachievable but I got up and did it anyway. It hurt like hell and i was lopsided but I did it for a couple of minutes. My son was really laughing. That spurred me enough to shower, dress and walk (upright) with my husband to the station. I am in pain now at 12pm and the choice presents itself again. I have done some emotional journalling and posted about an emotional issue. I feel like i need a break. So watch Netflix or go out again??
Anyway think it shows that sometimes we just have to show ourselves who is charge. I think Fred Amir calls it "body over mind". Should I read Steven O's book? I think I might be reaching TMS book overload tho, I have 3 apart from being here and following some links to therapists. What do you think?

 

I know what you mean about TMS book overload. For me it was the first book to really explain in a philosophical way what is going on with me. I thought I'd completely dealt with TMS 5 years ago and had been relatively pain free until last month. I know that what is happening to me is TMS -- no doubts (well, I guess there are a few since I'm still in pain). But my point is, after reading his book a philosophical shift has occurred. It's hard to describe but I'm learning how to be indifferent to pain and that's making the difference. Last time I just had to know that it wasn't structural and I could relax. This time, knowing that hasn't helped and so I needed more information.

 

I have the same feelings in the morning and I always say to them bring it on let me see what you got…

 

I have them all. He warns against that. I'm only re-reading his and Sarno moving forward.

 

who warns against it

 

Not the same thing works for everybody…I am still looking for what works for me, but the best advice I got was from Steve O ….basically he said change your life.

 

Sorry -- that was a reply to an earlier comment. I'm still getting used to this interface.

 

This is a very profound discovery. It points to an accurate tms diagnosis. Just remember, it's about breaking the brains cycle. You did that for a few mins. You taught your brain that it has been deeply conditioned to think about pain. A few mins was inevitably better than yesterday. Great job!

 

Thanks Crissyxox,

I've been having an avalanche of realizations throughout the day. Symptoms are the same but I'm excited about everything I'm discovering in the process. I'm impatient by nature and really want it all resolved now. A looming work deadline that will literally have me on my feet for two weeks is freaking me out (since it's sciatica I'm dealing with). And yes, today has been definitely better than yesterday.

 

Hi, Murmur. I have the same problem. I want to resolve all issues immediately. My mother always told me, "You're too quick!"
I doubt I will never solve this problem. It's my nature during 5 years to deal with issues instantly. TMS is teaching me to be more patient.

 

One of the best pieces of advice I have been given was from my tms therapist. She said don't approach my therapy the sme way I got myself here. Ie. being impatient and self abusing myself. It was great advice because I am wanting instant results all the time! it's how ice operated for a long time. I'm working on that but I thought maybe that may help you.

At the same time, I get the anticipation of pain. My husband left for a business trip and for two days I geared myself up for the pain. It truly was a self fulfilling outcome. Sure enough I had crazy pain yesterday. But today it's gone (he's landed safely). Just another affirmation that this is tms.

Don't be too hard on yourself darling. This process is harder and deeper than most people think.

Thinking of you.

Crissy