old worries return

Hi everyone

To cut a long story short, I had a mild meningocele (spineabifida) repaired at birth and was told to live a normal life and that I would have no problems apart from if I was kicked directly on the operation site.

I lived an active life and was/am very sporty. Im now 34 and have suffered with GAD and some health anxiety from when I was 18 years old, probably as a result of a very ill dad when I was between 2 and 5 years old and my mum suffering a nervous breakdown because of this (I was witness to a lot of anxiety as a child).

from my late 20s I started to suffer from what I now realise were TMS equivalents, Tinnitus, followed by IBS and for the last 3 years, back pain (low back near meningocele repair site).

I went for standard MRIs and was told there was nothing majorly wrong and that I was normally abnormal. This was around the same time that I had been reading Dr Sarno's work and it all started to make sense.

I went to see a TMS professional and started to heal. This was mainly due to a book/information cure, as I didn't do that much journalling, but managed to tell myself that my pain was nothing to do with my birth defect, my back was strong etc. I basically stopped worrying about the pain and it faded away (just like my Tinnitus faded away when I stopped worrying about that).

I went on holiday a few weeks ago, and despite my high anxiety (I always have to be perfect on holiday), I had a good and pain free time.

A few days before coming home, I went on an inflatable water assault course, it was slippy and I landed awkwardly and really arched my back (my head got caught on one thing and my feet on another and my back arched like when trying to do the cobra position in yoga)

It wasn't even very painful at all and there was no swelling or even much discomfort, apart from an initial jerk, I wasn't in pain. But I remember the worry popped straight in my head "that was on your op site"...."what if its triggered something" etc etc.

The little seed of worry grew and slowly but surely my back pain has returned (exactly the same as before). Iv got a few emotional issues going on that I know about, and im never short of them due to having GAD.

So I know it's likely to be TMS, especially as the pain came on days after the initial injury, and in line with my worry.

I just wondered if anyone had an opinion on this or could say anything to help me fully accept that it wasn't this incident that caused me pain?..... Is my reasoning about the pain coming on later correct? and is my thinking correct that if it was due to the injury, I would have had pain when I first hurt myself?

It took me a lot of rationalising and time to fully accept the TMS diagnosis in the first place, and it seems that it's taking me a while to remove the doubt that has returned. Also I think I could be putting more pressure on this recovery, because Iv tasted how good it is to be pain free, so im a little impatient.

P.S - other indicators that it is nothing physical is that the intensity, sensation and location of the pain varies and that when I exercise hard, the pain actually decreases and is often better afterwards

any responses would be greatly received.

thanks

 

Sound's like TMS to me! With TMS normally, if you incur a true structural injury due to trauma, you will know it right then in there, with swelling, pain and maybe ecchymosis. You didn't notice anything until later--a TMS tell-tale. You have an excellent grasp of the TMS fundamentals! Some times, between TMS attacks, we need a little TMS KNOWLEDGE BOOSTER, to remind us of how the tricky gremlin in the sub-c operates, trying to protect us with it's defense mechanism of pains, both structural and affective. A good TMS anecdote to recall is the one about how "whip-lash" didn't exist is Lithuania because one couldn't make insurance claims for it, but in neighboring Finland it did.

G'luck!
tt

 

Good reply. Of course, I had to look up "ecchymosis!" That's what my dad called a "ten dollar" word! In case you're curious, it's skin discoloration, as in bruising.

 

Hi Ferndale,
I can only relate my own similar experiences. About 5 years ago I was walking downstairs, when my feet slipped straight out in front of me, and I came tumbling down 10 stairs on my back, neck, head, and shoulders. I looked like I was in a bad wreck. Well, it took me about 5-6 weeks of bad pain to get over it. I was going thru a stressful time. Over the past year and a half, I have taken 2 similar falls (one with glass plates breaking and cutting me up), but I immediately got up, cleaned up the mess, then went and performed my Weight Training Routine. You would swear that I had to at least broken my back, but by not acknowledging the severity of what happened, and confidently going on with life, I did not suffer a single second due to the falls.
Now, compare that to about a month and a half ago, I have been under very severe psychological stress, and my back neck, and shoulders have been killing me. I am just getting it under control again, by understanding that this is TMS without a doubt. This is proof positive this is TMS. There is no other explanation. Yours situation could be the same. Physiologically/physically you would had had some pain and swelling soon after your fall. The fact that it came on gradually and shortly after your "worrying thought" sounds a lot like how my psychological stress caused my recent pain. I hope this gives you some perspective.

PS By the way, I fell down the stairs each time while wearing socks on a carpeted stairway, and also, I had a complete laminectomy from C-2 to the Thoracic spine. I even have some hardware in my spine. This just proves how strong and durable our backs must be.

 

Thanks for taking the time to reply everyone x