Pain as a form of protection

Hi all

I was journalling last night. I have had pain issues throughout my life, in different areas, all of which were nothing and eventually went away. My latest pain problems started after the death of my father and then more recently the death of my cousin, who was like a sister to me. Since then I have had terrible pain and its made me so scared. I remember being in a lot of muscle pain after my dad died and realised it was caused by grief and in time it eased. For me and probably most people, grief and loss are frightening as its the end of how things normally are and you have learn to live without the love and support of people who cared for you and were important to you.

The lastest pain has been in my ribs and then all of a sudden 2 weeks ago it moved to my neck and shoulder. Occaisonally it moves back to the ribs. I have never had rib pain and neck pain at the same time. Last night i was trying to communicate with my brain for giving me this pain and wondered why it would do this. Since the pain started I have been exhausted by it, mainly the fear it has caused me. I have been going to work and coming home and lying down and at the weekend have been resting and not doing things I would like to do. I have been behaving like an invalid. I am wondering if my brain has created this pain as a way to protect me and keep me safe. I can come to very little harm lying in bed reading books.

Whatever the reason behind it, I have had enough and want my brain to stop and have been telling it that and trying to create a sense of calm and safety inside. When I try to do this I struggle. I am really anxious at the moment but I plan to practice relaxation and keep remininding myself I am safe.

I was doing this last night when I had the neck and shoulder pain return when I went to bed. I tried somatic tracking and the pain left my neck and shoulder and went into my upper back muscles and they went into spasm, not pleasant but another sign this isnt a structural issue. When it happened I just smiled.