Past TMS success yet feeling stuck with knee pain

I learned about TMS back in 2017 and it changed my life. I overcame wrist and thumb pain, knee pain, foot pain, neck pain, eye pain, and even porn addiction, it was life-changing

Since then, I have had further healing in many areas along the way, some quick and some slow

However, I am feeling really stuck in my current state

I have knee pain that only feels painful (a bit sharp) when I do something significant like rollerblade, run, stand up on my bike to ride hard, etc. Other than that, the "pain" is more discomfort, weakness, tightness, and stiffness as if my knee is a bit locked - it clicks when straightening and just feels "off"

It started 6 months ago - was pushing my daughter on the swing then running ahead of her. I felt a twist and sharp "tear" feeling. There was major swelling and pain for the next month and then off and on swelling when I would try to do something active

I did some magenitc therapy for like 8 sessions back in Jan and Feb and then got an MRI done 6 weeks ago, no meniscus issues which was a shock to the ortho specialist, but he said he saw a "patellar tendon/ knee cap issue". I knew about this phenomenon "runners knee" prior so I wasn't surprised and started to doubt there's anything wrong. Because of the clicking and stiffness, I decided to get a natural injection (not cortisone) which I thought may help with the this... it was free so I thought why not. It did nothing which isn't shocking

Right now, I believe its TMS so I'm testing it and using it as if its ok. However, rollerblading last week KILLED... so painful and lead to 2 days of pain, swelling and makor stiffness

Behind the scenes to the knee issue, I moved to a foreign country last year, I have had family conflict that I was not expecting, I am learning a new language and am completely out of my norm, I have a demanding life with 2 kids and 20-30 clients per week as an addictions coach.

I feel like I have gotten to the bottom of the emotional and spiritual challenges, I don't feel blind to anything, however, I do feel tension with some family dynamics which were super tense when the "injury" first happened

Other than confronting the issues even more head-on with the family members, I have done everything I can with journalling, counselling, healthy outlets, etc. I don't feel I'm over doing it either. I feel content with so many things, but also have this lingering pain that I cant seem to get over

The pain does not move around and does not come and go - it is every time I do anything more than walk or stand so it doesn't feel like TMS at times, but I firmly believe it is.

I really need some insights, support or guidance from people who get it.

I may be missing something or it really is me living in the fear of creating further family conflict which keeps me feeling inauthentic, weak and angry

Thanks in advance for the help

 

Maybe it’s more of getting over the physicality of your pain?
At first you assumed it must be physical and went that route. Maybe your brain is simply stuck there.
You tested your knee, it hurt, and you assume something must be “wrong” in your TMS approach or.. physically? Perhaps your unconscious brain was simply expecting pain?
In other words, now you’ve made up your mind it’s TMS why not give it a while to get that message in, deep down. I have a recurring symptom, and every time it tries I tell myself “stop it, I know you are TMS” and redirect. It is painful, I limp, but I re-direct myself and even laugh at the attempt to grab and hold my attention. Sometimes I even say to my brain “maybe you are angry and feel guilty, that’s fine and normal” ( could be whatever emotion you’ve noticed you like to repress).
This method has worked great for what ends up being a kind of meaningless fall-back to the brain to want me to think “something must be wrong” when nothing is… or is it that you need to take a break? Has the build up of stressors filled your bucket and wrangled the nervous system? Do you take time out for you?

 

Have you tried resting it for a while? The reason being, that if you rest it for a few weeks, then try and resume strenuous physical activities and it is still bothering you, now it's easy to convince your brain that it is TMS. Also if you take a break from the activities, and the pain ceases, your brain will relax and maybe break the connection. Right it seems like your brain is stuck in an association of physical activity and pain.

 

I have a thread here documenting my long struggle with knee pain, much of my story relates to yours. You may want to check it out:

https://www.tmswiki.org/forum/threads/really-struggling-with-knee-pain.25284/ (Really Struggling with Knee Pain)

 

thanks for this. I am doing this, speaking to it as if it’s TMS, but I can sense there’s a part of me that feels unsure at times given the stubbornness of the pain… any thoughts?

regarding time for myself, it’s not where I’d like it to be with the new routine of learning a language, however, Iv started to go to the gym and go for regular bike rides so I do have better outlets the last 2 months. Thankfully I know a lot about he nervous system and actively regulate with simple things, but again, there’s been some wreckage on my nervous system from so many major life changes the past 5 years and a life of some fairly large trauma so I can see how my nervous system has taken a hit

 

i had taken a a few large breaks with minimal progress in pain over the first 4 months. I took 2 days off after rollerblading but it didn’t change anything.

any thoughts? I see what you’re saying but am unsure what it would like given I’m not really doing much that’s stranuous

 

As for what to do about convincing your brain it's TMS - Time. No pressure, no forcing, no fixing, no tracking how long it's taking.
Give it time. Just keep talking to the brain.
As for a build up of stressors over time. Yep, that'll get ya.
I find this video is extremely helpful to give us insight into where any part of our TMS mindsets might not be letting us see where we need to pay more attention:

 

Ij

Incredibly helpful and concise video! Thanks for this, its great timing to be reminded of the simplicity of this process

I resonate with feeling unsafe in this season, when really, I am being reminded of times of being unsafe as a child. I can also see where theres positive emotions I am not leaning into fully and missing out on experiencing the beauty of life (obviously some negative emotions too, but the positive ones an be sneaky and over looked int he name of nobility). And I can see where my nervous system drops into freeze mode when certain relationships feel futile, also driven by feeling unsafe

Anyways, thanks again!