PTSD? Mad at me :(

I've been trying so hard to pinpoint what is causing this relapse. Is it possible that it is PTSD from the 1st episode of this "injury"? And the twinge that I felt during the yoga class just set off a firestorm of fear/terror that exacerbated the symptoms? My MRI is clear. Chiropractor thinks it's central (from SI/L4/L5) and podiatrist thinks it's tarsal tunnel syndrome. But he (podiatrist) said something that rang a bell. When I asked him about the extreme sensitivity, he said that it must be a conditioned response from the last episode. And this was my 1st appointment with him!

I keep asking myself what my life would be like now if I hadn't taken that stupid yoga class. Everything was going great. I was happier than ever. Then bam! Honestly, my "rage" is directed at me. I'm frustrated and disappointed that I did this to myself again. How do you go about healing when you're only mad at you?

 

Hi, tunnelight. It looks to me that you have conditioned yourself to expect pain when you do a yoga class. Your podiatrist seems to have it right about that. You have become angry at yourself and blaming your pain on that yoga class. I think what you need to do is de-condition your mind... tell yourself in a positive mantra something like "I feel fine when I do yoga." Maybe practice some yoga movements at home and work your way up to confidence enough to return to a yoga class. A little yoga at a time will help you a lot. Don't fear you will hurt yourself. Physical activity is helpful in healing.

I think you will find some free Youtube videos helpful, on the subject of self-anger. J.P. Sears has some good ones on that and other TMS-related subjects.
One is on "Happiness and self-acceptance."

Don't look at the past, but try to live in the present moment. Thinking you wish you had never gone to that yoga class because you felt pain afterward is keeping you from healing. I would change my thoughts to being glad that happened because it led you to discover TMS.

Here is another TMSer's post about how how he healed 95 percent through TMS:

Kevin healed 95 % from SEP


Welcome to the SEP and to the path of recovery. I am on my final two days of the program and I can say with complete confidence that I am a changed man. I started after 6 months of nasty low-back/butt/leg pain, could hardly walk, stand, etc. was in physical therapy, chiropractor, acupuncture, pain medications, etc.. the usual. My MRI showed 3 disk bulges/herniations touching nerves, so that is what I believe it to be....that is until I read Dr. Sarno and found this site.

I encourage you to really get involved, follow the instructions, do the journaling, take time to read all the suggested readings, and watch the videos. I'd say I'm 95% cured. There is still some very light lingering "annoyance", but I still have some work to do. I've been walking miles with hardly any pain these last few weeks. But even more, if the pain comes on now, it just doesn't bother me like it used to, I sorta just see it, acknowledge it, and go about my business. It took working the program to get to that point, but 6 weeks compared to 6 months is nothing! I made more progress in the first week than I did from two months of PT!!! It's going to challenge you and your "beliefs" in medicine, but you have nothing to lose. We generally wind up here when all else fails.

So give it a shot, especially before considering anything invasive like surgery. If you put the work in, you will get better. Have you read Dr. Sarno yet? I assume you have since you're here, but in case you haven't, definitely readHealing Back Pain. Again, it will challenge everything you've believed about your pain, and backs in general. You'll be encouraged to resume life as normal, i.e. stop ALL "therapies" (PT, chiro, etc.), stop taking medications, and most importantly, stop thinking STRUCTURAL problems are the cause of your pain and shift to psychological as the reason.....again, this can be difficult and takes some time to sink in, so be patient and kind to yourself.

It was a process for me. A few of the bigger moves in my case were: I ripped up and threw out my MRI test results (I found myself obsessively reading over them and comparing them to other results I could find on the web and even here on the TMSwiki site...); I got back to the gym and stopped using a weight belt; and I even cancelled an appointment I had made with aTMS doctorbecause it was more than a month away and it was hindering my recovery (that is, my 100% belief in TMS was lagging because I had this pending appointment, but as soon as I cancelled it, my recovery sped up significantly). Everyone's journey is unique to their situation, but I've found that really committing to the program and brining what I learn from it into my daily life has had profound results. Also, sharing along the way here in these forums has been extremely helpful - there's something about knowing that you're not alone in your TMS recovery that really helps. I encourage you to look through my past posts for some insight into my experience with SEP. Like I said, I'm just now finishing, tomorrow is my final day, and I feel like a changed person. It's amazing. And I feel as though it is something that one carries on with, not just like a one time 6 week thing and that's that...it has helped me to get to know myself and taught me tools to "deal" with my emotions. Learning and accepting TMS is a life changer for sure.

 

Thank you so much Mr. Oleksy. I will take your advice to heart. You have a comforting and positive way of looking at things. And I truly appreciate that you take the time to offer your support.

At first, I didn't understand why the #1 rule around here is to be kind to yourself. But the more I think about it, the root of all of my issues is the inability to be kind to myself. Maybe this is an aha moment!