Refuse to make yourself miserable

Has anybody read How to Stubbornly Refuse to Make Yourself Miserable about Anything, by Albert Ellis? I’m halfway through. What an eye opener! (He’s the founder of Rational-Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT).

The main premise that I’ve gotten so far is, when you think in absolutes, you’ll be miserable. Dead giveaway is using the word “must.” For example, “I must have everyone like me, or I’m a terrible person.”

I’m making a huge running list of my musts right now in my head. “I must get better from TMS fast, or I’m letting my family down.” Sad, really. Such unfair expectations. I have a ton of them! No wonder I have rage, tension and anxiety.

REBT seems really helpful and reminds me a lot of my favorite book, Feeling Good, by David Burns.

 

'Must' and 'should' and 'shouldn't' and 'have to' and 'I can't'. It's a self inflicted tyranny. 'Should' is big one for me personally. For example... "I should check this out or that out before doing or buying this that or the other." I do it because I don't want to blame myself when/if things go pear shaped (wrong) and I also do it to try and prevent myself from having to cope with things when they do go pear shaped because I don't want the hassle and upset and difficulties of it all; it comes from having spent years on my own with no one there to help me out when things did go pear shaped. I haven't read the book but @Rinkey posts about REBT on occasion. This is one of her postings here which you may or may not have already seen https://tmswiki.org/forum/threads/how-to-prevent-tms.29895/#post-159697

 

Thanks, @BloodMoon —I like the post from Rinkey. Good explanation!