Resuming physical activity also self-punishing behaviour?

Hello,

I had RSI about six years ago that stopped me from working, and eventually read Healing Back Pain, which cured me. I just followed Dr Sarno's advice, working even though it hurt, and it went away almost instantly. At the time my mum had stage four cancer, which was awful in itself and stirred up a lot of emotions about my relationship with her, and so the psychological cause of my RSI made a lot of sense.

A month or so ago I started drawing a comic about this experience and the RSI started coming back, almost as if my brain was challenging my diagnosis. Obviously I didn't take it very seriously and so it didn't develop into anything particularly strong. I went to visit a friend and told her about my comic and my RSI, and she told me about how she'd had a similar experience with lower back pain.

The next morning I woke up with a bit of a twinge in my back, nothing serious. I didnt think much of it, thought I'd just slept wonky, so in the next few days just did a few gentle yoga exercises and put some tiger balm on it. But about four days later the pain started getting a lot worse. Once the pain increased I realised that this was probably another case of TMS, particularly as my RSI had mysteriously completely disappeared.

I began by just pushing through as I had with the RSI, trying to ignore the pain, not telling people about it or asking for help, and trying to understand what might have brought it on emotionally, but the pain just got worse. It got to the point where it was taking me more than an hour just to sit up in bed because moving was so painful.

After a while I realised I was just punishing myself and giving myself overly high expectations for my ability to cure it alone, which is probably part of the reason why I had TMS in the first place (perfectionism and inability to ask for help).

Since then, and after looking at advice on TMS from people in this forum and elsewhere on the internet, I have decided to chill out a bit. So I've just been looking after myself at home, asking my friends for help with shopping, and trying not to do too much. I've also booked a doctors appointment to rule out anything abnormal (although I am very convinced that the cause is not physical).

However, I'm worried that this strategy means that I'm giving the pain too much attention, which is only exacerbating it. Also, my friends, in an attempt to be helpful, keep telling me I should try this or that cure or medicine or whatever, which just reinforces the idea that the pain is physical.

I am working through your program which I have found helpful psychologically, but the pain doesn't seem to be improving. I don't know whether I should return to pushing through the pain - e.g. go to a party that I'm invited to tomorrow - or just do what I feel like (lying around watching TV...).

How do other people find a balance between "ignoring" the pain and not punishing themselves?

Thank you

 

Hi @JanAtheCPA

It was really nice to be part of the chat yesterday, its very helpful to share things with other people who are going through, or who have been through, similar experiences. I also get the impression that TMS is more widely accepted in the US than it is in Europe and so its nice to be able to have contact with that community online.

(I imagine this is mainly because of Dr Sarno having been in the US, although I also do wonder whether the different health systems have anything to do with it: because healthcare is still (just about) free and universal here (both in Italy and in the UK where I come from) so someone is more likely to completely trust and just go along with whatever a doctor is telling them to do, given that the financial element isn't such an issue (have i just found a problem with free healthcare? obviously i dont mean that, but it is interesting to think how much that might factor in to people in the US (rightly) seeking alternatives to surgery, drugs etc)).

And thanks very much as well for your reply here and the advice. I'm going to go to the party after dosing up on some painkillers, so lets see how it goes! Then I've just got to deal with the existential crisis...