Self esteem crash

Hi Everyone,
Im coming up on the anniversary of the passing of my mom. Its unbelievable to me that its been 15 years. If you've seen the Disney move "Inside Out" this might make more sense.

Self esteem - DOWN
Happiness - DOWN
Anxiety - UP
Irritability - UP

In short, right on cue, my left hip has been making life difficult. Someone (maybe innocently enough) made a (possibly) negative comment to me online and I collapsed like a house of cards on a windy day.

I'm aware now that these things set me up for the perfect storm of back pain. I hope that by recognizing this, maybe I can talk my brain out of it. I'm a little worried because if the pattern of the last 15 years continues, the next month is going to be an emotional and physical rollercoaster.

I know that no one has the magic answer for this one, but I wanted to say this out loud (ok, so I wanted to write it so someone else could read it). Maybe it will help.

 

First off, I'm really sorry about your mom.

Secondly, the fact that you have a pain flare-up combined with the time of year that you associate with hardship is very telling of TMS. It's so pesky, isn't it? Regardless of how bad your physical pain is, you will get through it. It may suck right now, but it's gonna let up. Zap the TMS of it's power (harder said than done, I know). Most of all, I think it's helpful to not look ahead to the future, which I tend to do when I have a TMS flare. Instead, just focus on this day. Don't focus on what tomorrow may bring, because none of us know. Don't anticipate anything negative happening. I tend to do this myself and I'm really trying to stop. Right now, we just have today and so let's focus on that! The pain will be fleeting, even though it may be bad now.

You will get through this!

 

Thanks, I appreciate the encouragement. There is this Jewish Holiday that we celebrate (its called Shavout). Its the holiday after Passover, where we celebrate the receiving of the torah (Bible). This holiday is also the last one of our year where there is a special memorial service for lost loved ones. To me, this is the finish line. I know enough from my past experiences that I get a 'Summer break" from this until the September/October holidays start the cycle again.

My friends know, my family knows.. but somehow, my brain hasn't gotten the memo that this is cyclical so its probably ok to give me the year off, just this once

 

Being in the now and not projecting into the future is really important!