stagnation... your opinion?

Dear all, I would like to have an opinion because I feel in stagnation.
I'm 48 french woman.
I did the structured program and saw a almost total improvement in my low back pain after hernia surgery 3 years ago.... which did not change anything of course
However, for several months I have been very disabled with terrible upper back and neck pain, I continue the program. I write. I’m exercising. I go to the psychologist because I am a very "people pleaser" person with childhood trauma (haha: I have the feeling of making a copy stick with the other stories here). My life now and almost perfect: my big children are balanced and loving, my husband is a beautiful person.
I live in a region and do a job that I love.
I am in rage to have to take care of my mother but I EXPRESS it and I FEEL it.
I can say NO nowadays.
I m learning to love myself.
I know that's imperative.
I know you'll tell me that I want to be perfect with the TMS treatment but that's not true: sometimes I throw all this away, drink and smoke for a few time and accept all that.
I'd like to get your feeling through my words.
with love,

 

Hi @lili2002,

I love the look of that cake - whenever I see it, I always want to eat a big slice of it as it looks so delicious!

My suggestion is to self-soothe. Dr Sarno wrote about this in his book 'The Mindbody Prescription' as follows:

"Suppose, however, there is another element in the equation; that it is not simply the quantity of rage that brings on symptoms, but the presence or absence of counterbalancing soothing factors … the occurrence of symptoms reflects too much rage and not enough counteracting soothing elements in one’s life."

If/when you self-soothe I'd recommend to be sure to do so without focussing on any particular TMS symptom (otherwise your TMSing brain might take it that you're believing that there is actually something physically wrong with you and that you're not safe).

I've found the ideas in this book wonderful in helping me self-soothe; they are quick and easy to do and can also become part of one's daily routine: https://www.amazon.com/101-Ways-Fin...hqVZ9OWv5ty7GXFFva71pJ4&qid=1728834014&sr=8-1

 

P.S. Also, throughout the day tell and remind yourself how wonderful you are. (As you're a people pleaser and had childhood trauma, I surmise that you almost certainly won't have had enough praise and appreciation from other people during your formative years... so give yourself that praise and appreciation now, e.g. for taking care of your mother, and for other things you say and do and for how kind etc., you are.)

 

I agree with @BloodMoon
You mention trying to love yourself: recognize that this alone might bring inner subconscious rage if you don’t quite yet believe this.
Telling yourself with inner talk is a great idea, but I also found I needed to treat myself as if I did love myself.
How?
Meditation, yoga, or taking time just for you - to break from your thoughts about the world - hobbies, time with friends, sit and enjoy or play music, go for a walk, play your favorite sport .. and go even further if you need to.
I was not treating myself with kindness in any way both mentally and physically. So now I take time in the morning to get ready for my day: luxurious moisturizers, no rushing but taking time. Stopping to listen to my body: does it feel rested or is there already tension: am I anxious or anticipating (learning EFT tapping was also helpful and fast!) reading Claire Weekes so I know what to do about the anxiety and with kindness to myself.

Understand that sometimes this work is like peeling layers from the onion. There is always opportunity to practice the skills and learn more about ourselves.

 

This cake is a french signature "la tropézienne" my favorite!

 

I just looked it up and see that it has an orange blossom flavour; makes me want to try it even more!

 

Bookmarking this reply.

 

Haha that's fun.
I ve started this notion "love myself" a few Time ago. I stay in bed and congratulate. I eat all the french fries and tell me "oh ! Very good! You re finished your plate"
And as said Dan last week, talk to my brain like to a very, very sad 13 young girl.
And the pain moved from lombar tu neck to my left ear... Maybe will go one day from my skull to the sky