Stuck… how do i proceed?

Here we go…

Scroll to ———————— for my actual question.

I recently found out about TMS and really believed it 100% first time i read it. Began doing the work immediately. So far, so good. But i feel a bit lost and need some guidance.

This is my story

in December of 2022, shortly after having corona, i one day suddenly developed 24/7 rocking dizzinesss. Prior to this, i was depressed for a few months. I held a lot of aggitation and anger against my wife and kids.

During this time, i had to close my company due to the market bot being in my favor.

Started a new job, which i loved. But just 2 months in, i started getting more and more dizzy. I had, what a now have learned, is panic attacks. Everyday at exactly the same time, 11.30, right before lunch break.

This in turn progressed into Visual Snow Syndrome. With light sensitivity, static, after images etc etc etc.

This progressed to, what i think is oscillopia. If i rest my eyes for to long on a distance, everything start vibrating. I mean, the whole world. This was truly scary and anxiety provoking.

Shortly after this, i was struck with fatigue, insomnia, heart palpitations, tingling, daily panic attacks, pressure headaches, PEM, neck pain and so on.

I lived in a constant state of fear and derealization for 10 months. I couldn’t leave home, i couldn’t be alone.

This was devastating.

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I reached a turning point where i figured the problem is not the symptoms, but my reaction to it.

So, i reached a point where the PEM, palpitations, fatigue and insomnia are gone.

Though, the dizziness, neck pain, head pressure and visual snow remains. Which i’m sure are TMS. This is what lead me to TMS and Dr Sarnos ”The Mind Body prescription”.

I’m having a very hard time accepting and controlling my fear respone to these symptoms.

I journal and meditate. Started to uncover a LOT of anger. When i notice symptoms, i do somatic tracking and tell my brain ”here we go, banana time BRRAP BRRAP” and visualizing someone shooting bananas at me.

I regularly give myself messages of safety and self soothing.

But it sometimes just feels impossible. I try to live as if none of this affects me, but it does. Which is probably why it still sticks around, to redirect my attention. Not as successfully as before, but it does.

I know some of you might’ve experienced this and i’m just looking for some guidance. Am i missing something, or is this just part of healing?

I’ve been accepted into a clinical study in my home country, based on TMS and ”unlearn your pain” called EAET (emotional acceptance and expression therapy). Really looking forward to it.

 

I just typed a Long answer and my Fing computer glitched.

Other strategies.

"Turn to a recurrent source of rage"...when you notice the symptoms coming on, turn to something you KNOW is a problem like finances or a bad marriage....Even though this isn't repressed, it sends a message to the unconscious thta you know what going on and are not being fooled.

Do the WRONG thing....when I am having an attempted TMS incursion, I do exactly the opposite of what the symptom implies...knee? Go for a long run. Back? Go and lift heavy weights .....shoulder? go and play catch. This also sends a message to the unconscious that you aren't buying its story....

Watch out for THIS TMS trap. I too use to work for myself. I have recently gone to work for another contractor. He is a great guy. He is fair, easy to work for and communicates great...but I am NOT the master of my own time like I used to be. I am also not making the kind of money I used to make....That is ENRAGING to the unconscious 5 year old inside me, so I consciously tell myself at least once a week..."I am doing this now to avoid being homeless but I am NOT happy and do not plan to stay in this situation...in fact it pisses me off. "

multi-pronged attack.

 

Hi @AshGordon
A few things you might look into:
Journal about how you try and live if symptoms don't effect you - but they do. You may need to go deeper with your journalling.
You uncovered anger - what emotions pair with the anger?
If you are doing somatic tracking every time you notice symptoms then you are paying attention to the symptom - especially if you are playing a game while you are doing it. What is your intention with somatic tracking? If you find yourself using it to “fix” anything, then it might not be the best technique for you. You might try pendulation - this is a “bouncing” type of somatic tracking done slowly and gently between stronger sensations and neutral body sensations. Instead of doing it when you notice symptoms - try it once a day, not specifically when you feel a symptom. The exercise is to create a sense of safety in the body - but your method may not be serving you, now. If you can withstand symptoms just fine when you meditate, you might no longer need this skill at this time. You might switch to using @Baseball65 ’s method instead: self-talk about anger or knowing that it’s just TMS and see how that works.

 

Super helpful Baseball65. Thank you.
I’ll consider all you’ve written.

One question for you. If the ”wrong” thing provokes anxiety, should i just sit with the emotion and carry on?
Wouldn’t i wire my brain to think ”this is important”?

Oh, and yes! My innie 5 year old is screaming and kicking about the thought of me having a boss again. We don’t like authority figures.

 

Yes, i do think i need to go deeper with the journaling. It’s been pretty hard and i fins myself with a lot of resistance, as i usually feel like shit after. Bigger picture, it actually help me feel better. But still, a lot of resistance. That release of emotions when journaling is heavily traumatic and i don’t always have the tools to handle the overwhelming side of it.

I use it for some kind of ”grounding” while experiencing symptoms. Would you say that is ”fixing”?
I feel pretty lost, should i actually ”do” anything when experiencing symptoms?

 

This is indeed very exciting!
You can find the results of the first part of the study here: https://openarchive.ki.se/xmlui/handle/10616/48407 (Internet-based emotional awareness and expression therapy for functional somatic disorders)

The study is performed by Karolinska Institutet (Swedish university hospital) and Stockholm University.

 

There are other grounding techniques that may not involve symptoms that you might enjoy trying.
Sit in a favorite space, one where you feel safe and familiar. Begin to be conscious of your breath, focusing on the air coming in and out of nostrils -just for a few calming breaths. Then slowly look around the room, using a sense of curiosity, of exploring instead ob examining. Notice colors, shifts in the light or shadows. See the curves or angles of an object - or the empty space around objects. Look at textures of things. Sense your body sitting in the chair - where it touches the seat and your feet on the earth. Take a few more breaths.
The beauty of this is you can slowly transfer this technique to anywhere you are. It sends signals of safety to your brain, and doesn’t focus on physical symptoms, but focuses merely on the experience of the moment in your body, and gives you a completely different distraction. It might be an excellent exercise to do after you have journaled, but doing it once or twice a day can help clear out some hyper focused cobwebs of the mind - but avoid doing it to target when sensations you fear are felt. That’s not what this method is for, this method helps calm the nervous system so that it can return to being flexible and move within its states with a feeling of safety.
Flexibility of mind and body.
I find the idea of flexibility very freeing, and I use it a lot in regard to my thought process. When I am angry I own it, but I also examine if the anger is causing me to be inflexible, creating even more internal stress and anger, keeping me kind of stuck.
Sometimes the sense of stuckness is merely a plateau. It is neither good or bad, and it may linger for a bit until the healing process is just naturally ready to move forward.
Consider the fact that flexibility may mean dropping the “doing” of some things to help with TMS for awhile. You may sometime go back to trying them, but changing things up, “doing” less may be what you need. Perhaps somatic tracking gets replaced with having a joyously free playtime with your kids or holding hands quietly with your partner while watching a movie, or doing your favorite hobby. Whatever creates a sense of safety and takes your mind away from symptoms.

 

I don't. I'm not a very good sitter in general. A lot of my shortcomings , though, actually became assets recovering from TMS and might be why I recovered so fast..and still do when I get the rare relapse/symptom. I am a little high strung and can't sit still and meditate. I pray but not about TMS other than "Thank you for removing this" and "Hey... I need a pass... I'm gonna be a dick for a minute"

I read other TMS authors and stuff... I don't think I ever would have been patient enough to do that... it sounds nice. Not me...and I am not going to wait months and months while that robber rifles through my pad... I'm gonna tackle him and stop him NOW!

I took every suggestion from "Healing Back Pain" and "Mindbody Prescription" and turned them into intense therapy...in fact, when I read the Jim Campobello story I was already doing what he recommends almost exactly how he describes.. I got better faster than him, but I wasn't in much of a place to pick and choose and I had no concerned partner giving me outside input. I was alone and terrified. I needed results.

When it isn't during a TMS episode, I am OK feeling crappy emotions...in fact, I know I can't GET TMS when I am feeling them. But when I get TMS "How I feel" is part of the problem. I know that might sound like double speak, but the stuff I am aware of is only a clue... I need to get busy on the detective work. I DO have friends on this forum and in person who do what I do and I always ask for help with the detective work

peace

 

You may find my latest blog post on doing too much helpful:

https://defeatcrps.com/blogs/tamaras-blog/#target_fix (Tamara’s Blog)