Suffering from chronic pain almost everywhere and feeling suicidal

Hi everybody, i am Mario i am 22 yo from Italy i wanna tell you my (sad) story and ask some advice/find support. Long story short, i did for three Years so much physical Activity at home, in a wrong way. The exercises werent so heavy but i repeatdly mistake the execution. I did a semi vertical push up exercise for my traps, push UPS and jumping squats. So i used a lot wrists, shoulders, neck , elbows, ankles and knees. Now It s everything fucked up. I Hear cracking sounds in all this joints all the time a use Them and i have pain. In neck i have escruciating pain mostly when i stand up for so much time i Lost my complete range of motion and i Hear strange clicks and pops. Same in ankle. Knees hurt when i go up stairs and click a bit. In other joints there Is less pain but there Is so much clicking. I have even chronic back pain but whitout cause (and here there Is the suspect of tms). I did MRI in neck : small bulging discs between C3 and C6. MRI in lumbar spine: nothing. X rays and ultrasounds in previous cited joints: nothing, literally nothing. So i Guess i have to do MRIS but they cost and are difficult to be prescribed. Anyway, i read recently healing back pain and the mindbody prescription. I am a fucking a personality guy, goodist, perfectionist, competitive, low self esteem and a bit narcissist. My mom Is narcissist/borderline and when i was a baby hated me. I also struggled with bullying and that was a big trauma for me (in particular i fear so much other people judgement It s really important for me). . So this could lead to TMS diagnosis but every PT i saw (a lot, together with osteopaths, chiroprators, pranotherapeuts, neurologists) told me that i made mistake with exercises but the situation Is curable, but no body cures me. Also i did One year of therapy in which my psychologist told me It was all psychosomatic and helped me Discovering my traumas and personality but It didnt cure me at all. I don t know what to do, It s from 6 months that i am bed ridden and suicidal. From three months i am on antidepressants and they didn t do a shit .I live with this guilty Sense for the mistakes i did with the exercises and i cannot accept i ruined my body. I don t know what to do. TMS success stories give me hope but i don t know if It Will work for me cause i have already did psychoanalysis and It didnt cure me. My Life Is falling down, i am losing exams at university, i am losing Friends and i am bedridden. Has someone some advice? The joint pain and clicking could be symptoms of TMs? Do someone know where to find a good programme to heal? And mostly important in your opinion do i have tms?
PS It s a bit of time i am starting to experience even finger pain like arthritis, but i have already did Blood test and they came fine.

 

@Ihatethepain
I’m so sorry for your pain and fear.
I think you would highly benefit from TMS work. Your exercises “wrong” - I believe did not cause you the pain. I also did exercises for years, was told to do more and more.. and Still pain. What caused the pain? Fear I did them wrong, fear I did not do enough, fear of pain and worry about it getting worse. Other fear in my life. Anxiety over all of these fears.
General Psychotherapy does not address these problems relating to the pain, but maybe it can help you with the TMS “work”. Read a book by Dr. John Sarno - become reassured that the clicks you hear are just clicks and pops. I get them when my muscles are held stiff with tension from worry and concern and the fear of our own emotions. Our anxiety over what we think is happening to us makes us so tense it can cause pains and symptoms. Think. Ag this very moment are you physically ok? It hurts but you are living and breathing. You are physically ok.
It can get better! YOU can be your own cure!
The free program here can help! https://www.tmswiki.org/forum/painrecovery/ (Pain Recovery Program)

 

Mario! Non disperare!
What you are suffering from sounds EXACTLY like a TMS process in your body.
You can beat the pain and suffering~ it just might take some time.
Continue to read the Success Stories here, read up about TMS in general. Start writing in a journal every morning ALL your feelings~ angers, rage, hopes, fears, hate, etc… Tell your body that you’re safe~ find ways to calm your nervous system~ whether through meditation, light yoga, walks outdoors, deep breathing, etc…
You can survive this and life to tell the tale~ focus on one day writing your OWN success story here!
in bocca lupo~

 

When I was just past thirty I too was thinking suicidal thoughts because I could not get out of pain and and my whole life seemed to be slipping away. Then I read "Healing Back Pain" by John Sarno and I have now been pain free ever since...going on 20 some odd years.

I too had noises, lots of diagnoses from different medical people who were all going to make me better and I also was born to a Mom who was less than interested in me. Oddly enough, after you've read the books, you'll see how the last item there is the ONLY one that is important.

Hang in there and get one of Sarno's Books. It saved my life, literally

 

Hi, Mario, Glad you reached out. I go along with what the others here have shared. My experience has been that when I was able to get away from my continuous fear and obsession over the pain, I started to get better. Also, ditching the search for Physical Sources of Pain proved a turning point (once the serious stuff has been appropriately ruled out). As a resource, I've found Alan Gordon's new book, The Way Out, extremely helpful. I've read a ton of books on TMS, including, of course, Sarno. I find that Alan sums up in one slim book all the key points I need to be reminded of in order to stay on point. That's good for me because as a perfectionist, etc. I have a tendency to think that I need to understand everything (and that tendency just amps up my fear). Over the long haul (a couple of years now) once I began getting a handle on pain, I find that moving toward getting "to know myself" in the most positive and profound sense of the phrase is helping my body to feel good in ever deeper ways. It's the movement toward something positive as opposed to movement away from something negative that I'm learning to appreciate. It's not a perfect process, at least through the lens of the way I'd been taught to view things. But it is good, and none of us have to find our way through the rough patches by ourselves. I wish you well!