Suicidal guy Who doesnt know if has TMS or ruined himself with gym

Hi everybody, i am Mario i am 22 yo from Italy i wanna tell you my (sad) story and ask some advice/find support. Long story short, i did for three Years so much physical Activity at home, in a wrong way. The exercises werent so heavy but i repeatdly mistake the execution. I did a semi vertical push up exercise for my traps, push UPS and jumping squats. So i used a lot wrists, shoulders, neck , elbows, ankles and knees. Now It s everything fucked up. I Hear cracking sounds in all this joints all the time a use Them and i have pain. In neck i have escruciating pain mostly when i stand up for so much time i Lost my complete range of motion and i Hear strange clicks and pops. Same in ankle. Knees hurt when i go up stairs and click a bit. In other joints there Is less pain but there Is so much clicking. I have even chronic back pain but whitout cause (and here there Is the suspect of tms). I did MRI in neck : small bulging discs between C3 and C6. MRI in lumbar spine: nothing. X rays and ultrasounds in previous cited joints: nothing, literally nothing. So i Guess i have to do MRIS but they cost and are difficult to be prescribed. Anyway, i read recently healing back pain and the mindbody prescription. I am a fucking a personality guy, goodist, perfectionist, competitive, low self esteem and a bit narcissist. My mom Is narcissist/borderline and when i was a baby hated me. I also struggled with bullying and that was a big trauma for me (in particular i fear so much other people judgement It s really important for me). . So this could lead to TMS diagnosis but every PT i saw (a lot, together with osteopaths, chiroprators, pranotherapeuts, neurologists) told me that i made mistake with exercises but the situation Is curable, but no body cures me. Also i did One year of therapy in which my psychologist told me It was all psychosomatic and helped me Discovering my traumas and personality but It didnt cure me at all. I don t know what to do, It s from 6 months that i am bed ridden and suicidal. From three months i am on antidepressants and they didn t do a shit .I live with this guilty Sense for the mistakes i did with the exercises and i cannot accept i ruined my body. I don t know what to do. TMS success stories give me hope but i don t know if It Will work for me cause i have already did psychoanalysis and It didnt cure me. My Life Is falling down, i am losing exams at university, i am losing Friends and i am bedridden. Has someone some advice? The joint pain and clicking could be symptoms of TMs? Do someone know where to find a good programme to heal? And mostly important in your opinion do i have tms? I read that lot of people healed themself only by reading sarnos's book but for me It doesnt work so i don t know what to do.
PS It s a bit of time i am starting to experience even finger pain like arthritis, but i have already did Blood test and they came fine.

 

@Ihatethepain
You posted this same post yesterday, and some people wrote to you including links to a free program. Here is from yesterday:
https://www.tmswiki.org/forum/threads/suffering-from-chronic-pain-almost-everywhere-and-feeling-suicidal.25377/ (Suffering from chronic pain almost everywhere and feeling suicidal)

 

@Cactusflower
I know i just wanna have more opinione possibile, anyway thank you for your reply.

 

Hi @Ihatethepain ,

You did not do any exercises "incorrectly" and even if you did, that is NOT the cause of all your symptoms. What you have is ANXIETY (ansia). That is all. Start telling yourself you are strong and healthy and young, because you ARE. That is the TRUTH. Get rid of the guilt and the doubt. Everything the doctors, osteopaths, chiropractors, PT's told you...throw it out the window as it is nonsense. No psychologist will "cure" you because you are already well. There is nothing to cure. It is up to you to decide to believe that. When you decide that your life is more important and compelling than your symptoms, your brain will shift focus. When you lose your FEAR of the symptoms, the symptoms will go away on their own.

 

FEAR is your main problem friend. Do things to calm your fears. LOTS of great resources here!