Derek S. Supporting a family member with TMS

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Question

My son has just discovered that most of his neck, back, knees and hip pains are related to the mind:TMS. Since he realized this he started to get back to normal. Sometimes he calls me frustrated that he is trying to tell himself that this pain does not exist but he struggles. Btw, he went to all kind of doctors that you can think of and nothing worked and they could not find anything physically specific. So I believe in this as well but I am struggling as a father on how I can help him. What shoul I say so he can stop letting this pain control his life. Thanks for any advice or any connections with any other parents that might be going through this.
Thanks

 

Answer

Hi Father,

Every time I see a question from a spouse or family member of someone recovering from TMS it gives me a wonderful sense of hope. As a TMS sufferer, it can be so powerful to have a support system that is open to the principles of TMS and motivated to help. It is so great that you have made yourself an active member of this amazing community.

Here is a link to a question that was submitted to this forum by a spouse of someone recovering from TMS along with my response. Some of the feedback that I provided in that answer will hopefully resonate with you.

The most important thing that you can do for your son is simply to be there for him when he needs you. TMS involves a huge fear component so if you can help your son to feel safe when he needs you, that is more powerful than you could ever imagine. Listen patiently and provide feedback and encouragement when you feel like he needs it.

Another thing that you can do is to give him permission to process his feelings, even if some of those feelings are towards you. Normalize sadness and anger for him and let him know that he his feelings are important and that you will be there for him regardless.

Lastly, work towards accepting that there are going to be times when you are not capable of fixing things or helping him to feel better. Symptoms will come and they will go so try to be a calm and soothing presence in his life. Assert your belief in his capacity to heal from this and give home the space to learn, grow, and heal.

Thank you again for your question and welcome to the Wiki family!

-Derek

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Any advice or information provided here does not and is not intended to be and should not be taken to constitute specific professional or psychological advice given to any group or individual. This general advice is provided with the guidance that any person who believes that they may be suffering from any medical, psychological, or mindbody condition should seek professional advice from a qualified, registered/licensed physician and/or psychotherapist who has the opportunity to meet with the patient, take a history, possibly examine the patient, review medical and/or mental health records, and provide specific advice and/or treatment based on their experience diagnosing and treating that condition or range of conditions. No general advice provided here should be taken to replace or in any way contradict advice provided by a qualified, registered/licensed physician and/or psychotherapist who has the opportunity to meet with the patient, take a history, possibly examine the patient, review medical and/or mental health records, and provide specific advice and/or treatment based on their experience diagnosing and treating that condition or range of conditions.

The general advice and information provided in this format is for informational purposes only and cannot serve as a way to screen for, identify, or diagnose depression, anxiety, or other psychological conditions. If you feel you may be suffering from any of these conditions please contact a licensed mental health practitioner for an in-person consultation.

Questions may be edited for brevity and/or readability.

 

Father -- He should not be trying to tell himself that the pain does not exist. TMS pain is quite real. He should be telling himself that the pain is not structural. He should be looking for psychological causes.