Suppressed anger causes pain, but anger causes pain--help

Hi! I'm new here. I have a long, sad history of chronic pain, especially back pain.

I have accepted my back pain is due to TMS. I fully believe this. The part I'm stuck at, and confused about, is this seeming paradox: Suppressed anger causes pain (yes, I get this), but in Sarno's book he clearly says experiencing anger will cause physical pain.

And this has been the case. I was just doing an exercise in Schubiner's book "Unlearn Your Pain." It requires a free-form exploration of issues that you feel are part of your pain pattern. This issue of today (and most days) is my husband's poor treatment of me. As I began this process, I did indeed get angry. I tried to unleash and not hold back in my writing; I felt the anger coming from every cell of my body. And, now my back hurts, LOL.

I kinda feel damned if I do, and damned if I don't. And, this is NOT the first time I've unleashed my considerable anger about my husband. I have a virtual novel of painful journaling about my feelings.

The main question is that if I express anger, it may be better than suppressing anger, but it is still a tension-inducing feeling that triggers pain. I have tried to stop the session, breathe, reassure my body that there is NO emergency, that the pain isn't from damaged tissue, but damaged feelings that CAN heal. I tell my body I'm in loving control, I'm strong and can deal with painful feelings without needing the body crutch to hide it. It does seem to calm it down.

But.....when does this anger end? What is a way out of this cycle? I can't be a person who magically isn't angry. So what is the path here? Has anyone felt this way?

Is the path to just keep doing this in bits? To rage on paper, and then calm self with meditation or breathing? If big experiences of anger can trigger TMS, HOW do we express the anger, which means feeling the anger, without triggering a big ass case of TMS? The cure is the cause, and the cause is the cure. Help!

Looking for some words of wisdom. Thank you all!

 

So I now find myself afraid of unleashing my anger, in the same way I might be afraid living my life will cause back pain.

 

Can you observe your anger instead of inhabiting it? Jim Prussack (the Pain PT) talks about opening a window inside yourself to let the feelings (and the symptoms) pass through you and through the window. You allow them to move through you; you don't jump into the whirlpool. You let them be there but not threaten you. In this way, you teach yourself that they are not dangerous and need not be repressed/somatized.
Prussack also talks about going into a parasympathetic state while allowing the symptoms and emotions. He says that in this state your body can digest and process the emotions, unlike in flight/flight/freeze. I think this is the same thing as Claire Weekes saying to go loose and float.
Loosen your body, slow your breathing -- all this just to the best of your ability, you may not be able to do it fully at first, and that's okay -- and then visualize that open window. Allow the emotions and the physical sensations and let them move through you while you remain loose and breathe. You could do this right after journalling if it's journalling that's bringing up the anger.
Be patient. These skills take time to learn. Every time you practice, you are a step closer to full recovery.
You can try this floating practice, too:

 

Oh and one more thing...unfortunately doing these techniques does not necessarily mean relief of symptoms in the short term...this is where that annoying outcome independence thing comes in. But it WILL have a positive effect...you may just not see it for a little bit. You brain will resist this work and may flare up at you, as you have noticed. You have to go through this part to get to the next part: when you start to get relief! Please try to hang in there.

 

"allow" is a word that is popping up, it's what the Mindful Gardener on youtube uses.
And yes for now, doing the "work" meaning doing the TMS work may cause an increase in symptoms, after all, you're doing exactly what the brain has been trying to protect you from.
Now you mention "unleashing" anger. I'm not sure exactly how you mean this. Certainly the idea of allowing and accepting the fact you have deep rage and anger does not mean you spew it out on everyone around you. This is a private thing to do if you need to "act" it out eg. cry, etc. it's old, ugly and yucky and just for you right now. Don't be afraid to feel it. Just allow it all.

When you feel the sensations of the rage, notice what else can come along with it. Be curious about it. Shame, embarrassment, humiliation, guilt etc ...once you begin to understand all the baggage surround it, it begins to loose it's power.

All of this will soon pass as you allow the emotions. It just takes practice for your mind to get the hang of being able to feel these sensations and recognize you're just fine through all of it.

 

I get we will be angry at different things. Sometimes I wonder for myself is this worth being mad? Would that be a suppression? Or I don't quite like this at this moment and express my dissatisfaction and others seem to respect it, would I still let my anger go to full extent? Or that is my coping mechanism of my previously suppressed or repressed emotions, stored trauma, etc.

TMS is all about human interactions. Whatever we do and however we do it is shaped by our experiences with other humans. Maybe even dictator suffers from TMS because they could not control how others treat them. Would TMS be less likely to flare up if we try to build authentic and nurturing relationships with ourselves and others?

 

Another possibility is that when humans interact, ideally the relationships would be in general make you feel relaxed, loving, fun, nurturing etc. If you feel when you are around your closed family members, you constantly feel tensions, and at the edge of being triggered, it might mean that this is not the relationship you want to have despite whatever great memories you had together or social economical cultural pressures you might face.

It takes more than one person to build the interactions. And one can't control how others behave or feel. One of the recent lessons I took described that healing comes from deep connections, being seen and seeing others as how they are. And how they are is not static but dynamic, meaning we could change what we believe, what we hold as absolute truths and thus how we behave. But it has to come from within from the unconscious level. Besides TMS and emotion excavation, maybe we could ask what types of relationships we want to build around us and start from there.

 

TMS isn't caused by suppressed anger. It is caused by Unconscious anger. I started reading his book and gave up..it was too focused on symptoms and 'perceived' emotions which are not the cause of the pain...if they were? I would have gotten out of pain really fast.

I am not sure Schubiner really understood Sarno. I used to write about crap like that all the time in 12 step groups...why did I get TMS? I was one of the most 'self aware' people in my circle.... I wrote a several folder long inventory of everything I could ever remember being angry about...numbered like a thousand pages. But all I was looking at was 'perceived emotion' which Sarno discusses in detail as NOT the problem in "Mindbody prescription"

Writing is a tool for us to get a glimpse of the size of the iceberg, but we never see the iceberg, we can only imagine it. You might lean out of the boat and touch....the top is obvious, but it is only a fraction of what is there.