Symptom imperative

I'm new here and have been posting a lot. Thanks for your patience.

Very little sleep last night and then my back seized up this morning. My back is not my main symptom but it's been flirting with me the past few days. Symptom imperative, I guess.

Feeling so darn hopeless about sleep. I woke at 3 and lay there and accepted. And sobbed. Lord, carry me. My therapist says my brain is all stirred up with emotions we have been digging up.

I don't know how to spend my days with so much suffering, physical and emotional/mental. It's been since New Year's.

Can anyone give me a message of hope today?

I am tempted to stop the emotional work and I would love encouragement to keep going. Surely in time I will sleep and I will heal? It's hard to be outcome independent about sleep because fatigue makes my eyes worse and my eye strain is one of my toughest symptoms.

 

Once again, You are right on time. One of the reasons I think we get insomnia right before a breakthrough, is that our brains know that it is during sleep when all of the 'Inmates go wild' per Sarno-Freud. That is also when our brain reorganizes what we have taken in. During REM. The TMS is trying to HELP you.
I always tell it, out loud. "I thank you for trying to help me, but i can deal with this stuff now, so y'all need to get out."
all of us had some stuff get worse when we started doing something about it...Your discomfort now will be transmuted into Joy when you come out the other side....maybe like childbirth?

peace, and hang in there

 

Oh, thank you so much.

Do you tell your brain to go ahead and process whatever it wants at night, you can handle it, so sleep? Or that you will process things in the daytime, so stop going nuts at night, thankyouverymuch?

 

I have a weird story that will explain why I don't "Tell it" to do anything.

In January Last year I woke up from a nightmare. I Rarely have them, but whatever it was, it was scared me so much that before I went back to sleep, I said, out loud "I don't want to dream THAT dream again"

I woke up in the most agony I have had in YEARS...complete neck spasm! I Instantly knew it was TMS of course, and I was mad at myself, because I knew what I told you about the unconscious even then. So whatever my brain had been working through got re-routed....it was almost like : "Oh, you don't want that? OK....well have some of THIS then!"

So now I tell it "Whatever it is you need to work out, please lets have at it and get it done"

That one event was proof positive to me how important dreaming is. I later THINK that all of that particular TMS episode (it lasted about 4 days) was about was regarding My son, Work and Dependency issues.
I have been working for my 32 year old son... I work like a maniac to preserve the image to him that I am an unmatchable, perfect hard worker with No shortcomings. I'm of course not that, But I want to maintain that Father/Son dynamic. He is better than me in a lot of endeavors and understanding a lot of different trades is one of the last things I still have more experience in than him. He has surpassed me in Baseball, music and those are HUGE in our Family.

 

Yikes, baseball! Lots of pressure here. You have to be perfect to maintain what? What is the current father/son dynamic? What if it changes? (Aging sucks!)

 

Yes, you will! You can slow down the emotional work and layer it with more soothing. That’s what the mentors advise. I wish I’d done more of that before I burned myself out in therapy.

I get insomnia sometimes; but I used to get it a lot more. I noticed it went down drastically when I started journaling. I feel like I stay awake when there is an underlying brooding problem I want to ruminate on. (Usually a relationship with a family member.) Journaling lets me ruminate before bedtime and get it out of my system.

I also noticed I tend to avoid insomnia when I read good fiction. My brain works on those stories, maybe?

I like all of @Baseball65 ’s advice. Good things I’ve never thought of.

Here’s a success story on insomnia from one of our friends here on the forum, @Ellen —maybe it will help.
https://www.tmswiki.org/forum/threads/recovery-from-chronic-insomnia.16653/ (Recovery from Chronic Insomnia)

Be still, and know that I am God. Psalms‬ ‭46‬:‭10‬

Peace to you! I’ll pray for your relief! ❤️

 

@Baseball65 I just want to say you are a gem to this community. I really enjoy reading your replies, suggestions, and feedback.

@dlane2530 You are allowed to take a break and come back. Don't put so much pressure on yourself. You will sleep again, I promise. Talk to your brain. I like to give my brain a pep talk in the mornings when I get ready, "Okay, we're going to have a good day regardless of what happens. I am safe. There is no danger. Work with me and let's bring down the symptoms, brain." and also at night: "Why is it getting easier for me to fall asleep?". This is an afformation you can try that's a little different than an affirmation.

 

“@Baseball65 I just want to say you are a gem to this community. I really enjoy reading your replies, suggestions, and feedback.”
Ditto!