The Neuron of The Month Club

I feel like I’m a member of “The Neuron of The Month Club”. That is, I’ve made progress over the last 7 years of doing this work, but I have not achieved “podcast” or “YouTube channel” guest level status of “I cured myself in 2 months or even 2 years”. My pains that went away, did so in the first few months. The other issues, live on in me. A few minutes ago I read a post with a really frustrated individual whose been through the circuit of videos, books, etc. I’ve done that too. It feels to me that what’s missing—particularly from some of the popular promoters of TMS approaches—is that the techniques don’t all work well for some of us. Some of us are left out in the cold. Whatever technique works for us, maybe just doesn’t exist yet. Or maybe, yes, it might not take 2 months—it might take 30 years. Who knows? There isn’t the research to say—this is mostly a bunch of people messing around on our own with little research trickling in. To send us back to watch another (uninspiring) inspirational story or to tell us to “just do the work” or whatever is the TMS-Message-of-the-Moment, may not be the answer for all of us. I think just because “you” healed using these techniques doesn’t mean “we” will heal using these techniques. Now, I’m not a glass half empty guy, but after 7 years it’s become harder to imagine that I would one day step outside and go out for a run, talk my mind into releasing tight muscles and pain, and then just find myself elated 5 miles later (I haven’t jogged in decades). I mean, don’t get me wrong, I CAN release tight muscles and pain—that’s what I mean about being a member of “The Neuron of The Month Club”. Despite the limits of existing techniques, little by little I’m training my mind to release pain. I’ve gone from seconds to sometimes minutes. Hopefully someday whatever part of my mind is holding on will just give up and I'll feel free. But I may never get there. So—podcasters, YouTube Channelers, coaches, etc.—let’s be responsible: let’s acknowledge that your techniques are NOT working well for all of us. That we’re ALL early in this journey and to just have faith, continue “doing the work”, and listen to more “inspiring” stories, can set many of us up for disappointment, anger and resentment when we're not cured in 2 months. And that is not going to get us out of pain.

 

@efed19
I wholeheartedly agree with you. There have been a lot of discussions on this forum about this topic— how it really makes some of us feel bad that we can’t get better fast; or that we can’t get better following a certain method.

I’ve been faithfully trying to heal from widespread TMS for the last five years— and I’ve had some amazing internal growth as a person. I’ve learned so much about my lifestyle and thinking, and I’ve improved it, all thanks to the videos, books and mentors. This is giving me a great deal of emotional relief— in many ways more than I ever thought I could have. The journaling has uncovered so much and really helped me too. (I used to do it every day, but I don’t anymore).

Recently I got tired of trying so hard and seemingly going nowhere— so I just stepped back and pretended like nothing was wrong and I forgot about TMS for a couple weeks, as best I could. I experienced the most physical relief I’ve had so far in this round of TMS. Of course it’s fluctuating; and not anywhere near putting me in a normal lifestyle yet. But it was interesting to get some pain relief and subsequent hope. It’s true what they say that you have to stop focusing on TMS and “just live your life”— even if that’s not easily done physically; at least it can be done mentally.

I hear you that it’s frustrating to wonder if your life will never be truly free of TMS. And I agree that we’re in mostly undefined territory, with no real answers except for what we find ourselves and share with each other. (That’s changing a little though, with the pain reprocessing research.)

As far as all the mentors and books and videos go… for me personally I like to look into them. You never know what piece of gold you might find that might add up one day for your own healing. I’ve tried a lot of things, and I don’t regret it. I think some of them have helped. But there has to be a limit. You can’t look into everything.

It’s incredibly discouraging to think there’s an answer out there and if you can only find it, you’ll get better. I think that’s a wild goose chase that can make you crazy. (It has for me.) It’s better to wake up every day and be as thankful as you can be for where you are— for any amount of peace you’re able to salvage for yourself; for any way you can share your life with another person and show your love to them; for any way you can see beauty in the world. And it really doesn’t hurt to hope that you will get better. Because why not? Hoping is better than not hoping. For me, I like to picture that I will be better one day— and I don’t know how long that will take. No one ever promised it would be fast. (Well, some people have, but that’s obviously just not true!)

Sometimes, I think healing might be like watching the dawn come. Slowly it becomes light out, but you can’t really pinpoint the exact moment that it does. It’s so subtle and so slow. Maybe the dawn is coming for everyone who’s working on this. And if we don’t give up… we’ll find out!

 

Lorimer Moseley has been talking more and more about how there needs to be an improvement at how TMS is taught from therapist to patient. If you watch TMS vids out there, the vast majority are about how the pain is being produced by fear of structural damage. Well, that's the easy part. Now try to explain someone who already knows that but still have mindbody pain, why this is happening. Why the methodology works for some but not everybody. Why some heal in a couple of months and others take more than a decade. Why they are getting calmer with meditation, breathing, expressive writing etc. , and at the same time symptoms are the same (or sometimes even worse). Usually the answer (which's actually more of a non-answer) will be: stick to the plan, neuroplasticity takes time.

From what I've read in this forum, it's not that people have a hard time grasping the TMS concept. They do understand the logic about it, but then things stay the same and they start questioning it. They got even more lost and that's a problem.

And I agree, there are many coaches who clearly forgot how hard the via crucis is, saying condescending things like "oh TMS is actually good news!". But there's also incredibly empathetic people out there: Schubiner, Hanscom, Blackstone, Moseley, Bessel, Levine, Maté...

 

We are here with you.

Im trying a new approach of calming fear at the moment and focussing solely on that.

 

Yep, I couldn't agree more! That's why I like coaches like Tanner Murtagh who don't belittle the effort/climb and don't come at it like 'one size fits all'. Some of them bully; in my experience, especially 'evangelical' Sarno-ists... The attitude is along the lines of... "you didn't get up from being bedridden, riddled with pain, and run a mile--shame on you!"

 

It was Mary Ruth Velicki's 3 book series on her own healing journey and @TG957 's book Defeat CRPS that helped me open my mind and heart to the fact that there are different paths (because Steve O's book and method scared the crap out of me - his method was simply not the one I wanted to follow and thought that it was the only method there was, at the time). Opening the mind to being curious about what might work for you personally has been the absolute best thing for me. A psychologist and my TMS coach were both aligned with this (the first two TMS coaches and a psychologist I tried could not meet my needs) as is the physical therapist I consult with (which is something I don't recommend for everyone - mine follows a very alternative path, and is open to my ideas about TMS). I still keep an open mind and this year want to try adding some new experiences and methods, and just see what happens.

@efed19 thank-you very much for reminding us that the path or journey is the way we heal. Each of us has different experiences in our lives and so each might need to follow a different path. All you can do is to try and see what "works" for yourself. I think that is a huge part of the journey and the part where faith comes in: you need to have faith in yourself to know that you know what healing is. You need to have faith that each experience whether you judge it as good or bad along the way (eg. I met a who I judge as a total crackpot psychiatrist along the way who belittled and berated me when I was at my most despondent and lowest point - it was clear to me that we were not a good fit at all) - and it taught me that I have the intuition to know when things are not a good fit, and to speak out and end that relationship that isn't working) is all part of your journey to getting to know yourself better.

 

I have tried different forms of it all. Journaling, tapping, conversation with a close person you trust, therapy with an actual trained therapist, videos on Youtube. What I''ve realized is I know myself best and my needs. However, trying different things made me learn this over a couple years because I honestly had no idea who I was before that, and I say this with the most honesty. It took some time, plenty of tears, breakdowns, depression, physical pain, and reading self-help books. You can read the books, and absorb as much information as you want, but you need patience for the brain to work in the background and translate everything. The amount of times I've had "aha!" moments from things I read over a year ago or a month ago is pretty high. I don't know. I'm rambling now.

TLDR: if you enjoy something like tapping, journaling, talking to someone close to you, just do it, and do it regularly, when you need it. I switch from one thing to another; I don't need rigidity or tight control, but this also took some time to realize as I always thought that I had to stick to ONE thing and that was the end all.

Also, PATIENCE.

 

I really think this is true!

 

I can relate to this from my own experience. My improvements, though profound, have been slow to take hold. Looking back, I can see that the 'quickest' progress on my ‘scenic route’ of a 'journey' came when I added activities to my daily routine that I either enjoyed or at least didn’t mind — especially when I paired them with everyday chores or things I already liked doing.

Although the general advice is that if one is balking at, say, journaling, it's the very thing one needs to do because that's caused by the TMSing brain not wanting the gig to be up, but I can't remember making any progress at all when I was consistently doing techniques that I didn't really want to do.

 

Maybe fear is the issue that differentiates our response to different methods and practitioners. Sometimes the treatment is more scary than the TMS symptoms. I remember being very scared of both Steve Ozanich and Nicole Sachs when I was starting my TMS recovery journey. I gravitated toward the less emotionally confrontational practitioners like Howard Schubiner. I later learned that this was because I was afraid of my emotions. I couldn't handle being called out on them.I never stuck with face to face therapy even prior to learning about TMS. I needed to uncover my emotions slowly, on my own time table, and privately. That's why I prefer a self-help method. I like being in control.

 

I'm listening to Dan Bugulio at the moment and I think I've found my good middle ground. I think my predominant cause of symptoms is fear, with underlying fear of emotions/constant need for revisiting trauma (I think about these a lot but I'm getting to the point that this no longer serves me, I need to move on from them... so I think I need to graduate from the Sarno approach and move into the head-on approach soon... I'm not quite there yet but I'm feeling more confident (i think...)!)

 

Diana, I'm so happy to hear you had this experience! There's so much growth that comes, even with the setbacks. Sometimes it's helpful just to give our bodies and brains permission and go forward.
We are currently buying a car and it's affecting sleep for me. And this morning I thought to myself, finally: You know, my nervous system can just process this stress. I don't have to do anything.