Thoughts about my new knee pain

Hi everyone,
just thought i'd write down some thoughts i have about my new knee pain to get a clearer structure of it in my head since journaling doesn't seem to help and maybe someone else has some advice to offer.

So i'm going on a skiing vacation with friends in 2 weeks and was already a bit nervous if i'd be physically fit enough for it, so we went to practice a week ago and i fell down and hurt my knee, probably a strain of the ligament. I still went for 2 more rounds before the pain was too intense, so i thought "alright, just overstretched my ligaments a bit", got home iced it and rested for a day.
Now a bit of background knowledge: besides being already pretty anxious about that whole trip, another thing that's been in the back of my mind is the skiing accident of my mother. She had a pretty bad one before my birth with several surgeries and is now, all these years later still in heavy pain because of it (i'm pretty sure at least some of it is TMS because the surgeries didn't help at all). So of course i'm pretty scared of a skiing accident and hurting my knee. That's why i thought my pain was TMS and started to resume activities.
But still, i had doubts that maybe i should rest it for longer, especially since i hurt my knee in a similar way (though not skiing but also by twisting my knee) and that turned chronic (definitly TMS but still struggling with it).
Still, i pushed through the pain, trying to get outcome independent but it just got worse, so i've decided to give it a bit more rest but it's been 3 days and it seemingly just gets worse, to the point where i find it hard to walk.
I'm so mad at myself because that accident was so stupid and for not resting it properly and now i fell down the TMS-rabbit hole, sifting through this forum and looking for knowledge about strained/pulled ligaments. I know at least some of the pain is TMS, since i also have pain in parts of my leg i didn't hurt but i'm just so scared of seriously hurting myself and going on the vacation and just wasting it.
Adding to that my aunt told me she also had a skiing accident and didn't think anything about it (she has a pretty high pain tolerance), but after being convinced to go to the doctor it turned out her ligaments were torn. And a friend of mine hurt his ankle and just found out (after also having to be convinced to go to the doctor) he partially tore his ligament.
So of course i'm freaking out. I decided to try to get a doctors appointment before the vacantion, just to get some peace of mind but i probably won't get one anyway since it's quite short notice.

Honestly, i read so often on this forum that our knees, ligaments and muscles aren't that weak but it's so hard when it feels like everyone's constantly having serious problems and it gets medically reinforced (for example that friend of mine is supposed to wear a brace and refrain from straining his ankle for 2 months).
Anyone having any similar stories or advice?

 

@sleepyjay
Do you know @TG957 ’s pain story? She was afraid of getting a tms condition her aunt had.. and she did, and she fully recovered! Your story is YOURS! And besides, did folks you know who hurt ligaments recover? Most likely. Having tms does not guarantee we won’t get pain or injury. We learn to respond to these things by the faith that we can heal, because we have!
What stands out in what you wrote is your anger at yourself for your accident, and anxiety. That is totally tms. So what might happen on your ski trip if you CHOOSE not to ski, but you go anyway?
1). You can do the tms work “on the spot” and learn so much about your anxiety mechanism
2) You get more time to drink wine than they do!
3) Sauna time!
4) relaxation!
5) cozy fire indoors or out..
6) more time for snacks!
7) time to read a good book
8) the ability to change your mind and ski if you want

Your message is so much about focusing on the physical. Your trip is about a VACATION, being with others, and I don’t think anyone else in your party is worrying about your body or your performance on the slopes. The trip is about so much more. Just going on this trip seems like a huge victory to me, whatever you choose to do when you are there!

 

Hi @Cactusflower
I know of Tamaras story, though i haven't read her book yet.
And honestly the biggest point about not going skiing but going on the vacation is the cost, since it's going to be quite expensive. I'm also not someone who likes to stay indoors and if i'm not going with the others i'd have to stay back alone without a car, so no way to go somewhere and do something different and i really don't see the point in going if i'm just going to do things i could do at home.
And wow, i'm noticing how much something is bugging me right now, i don't know, i just read your message and got really frustrated (please don't take this personally) and underneath that there is definitly fear and anger.
Guess i have some journaling to do.

 

I'm not offended, Sleepyjay!
I'm glad you have become more in touch with things that enrage you like spending money to go on vacation, and feeling like you are "roped" in to going with others, instead of being comfortable about being at home alone with yourself.
That's the "work", and you are doing a good job.

 

Update: i went to the doctor and he said i definitly hurt my cruciate ligaments, though i have to do a CT so i can get a more accurate diagnosis. But i shouldn't excercise for 6 weeks and have to wear a brace.
Still unsure if i should listen, because everyone has so many stories of wrong diagnoses...