Thrown to the Wolves.

By all accounts us folk living in the UK all have rubbish food, bad teeth and pretty shoddy weather but it is often said our National Health Service is the best in the world. I think there is much to be said for this...yep, it is free at point of contact but it has many failings.

Get hit by a car or suffer a life threatening accident etc and the good old NHS does pretty swiftly come galloping to your aid. The problems really begin once you fall into the chronic illness sphere and even worse should you fall into the chronic pain/illness sphere without a diagnosis. Its pretty much at this point that the NHS will wash its hands and throw you to the wolves.

I read Steve O's book when it first came out and it struck me at that time that a strong theme running through the book was the belief that we are responsible for our own health. I could obviously see how some go this thought could come form his own devastating brush with medical incompetence (something that has touched my life as well) but I'm sure Steve actually fits this belief within the whole structure of what causes TMS and also what keeps TMS raging away within us...the whole health industry really is a meme writ large when all is said sand done.

This whole saga was illustrated for me perfectly yesterday when I went on a search for a psychoanalytical hypnotherapist to see if they could offer me an assistance with my chronic pain. I phoned 5 different practioners and each call began with me asking if they had treated anyone with TMS, the answer was always no, I would then ask if they knew what the TMS diagnosis meant, yet another no and finally I'd ask if they had heard of TMS and on every occasion it was a resounding no. It was just so incredibly frustrating. I was offered a mixture of CBT based therapy and pretty much every one trotted out the hypnotherapy being great at managing chronic pain line...I would stress that TMS is not cured by management but rather can be eradicated through the correct expression of emotion etc. The last guy I called was quite forceful on the phone and suggested that all I had read was wrong and that basically he was the expert. I could obviously see that the conversation wouldn't lead to anything constructive so told him it was vitally important I believed in the diagnosis I had been given and at this point he basically poo poo'd my TMS therapist and said that even if I did want want to see him he was fully booked till April as he had such a long waiting list. I had to laugh, this guy was a psychoanalytical therapist and he was allowing his ego to show off and bully me down the phone.

I basically gave up in the end and sat and thought on the whole experience...on one level I was aware it was very frustrating and probably did me no favours but it did give me a wry smile as to how mad the whole process is. I really shudder to think how much cash I have pumped out in the last five years to various practioners in the hope of getting that miraculous cure...more often than not I've sat in their presence weighing them with my perfectionist tendencies seeing if they meet my lofty standards and to see if the prized knowledge they are imparting to me can be trusted and meets my criteria of what is correct. Of course, what they are telling me is what I know cause I've read the same books and I've got access to the same internet...very often I'd feel so tempted to interrupt them when they got something wrong but I always just let it slide but heck that raises doubts for me....at the end of the session I would pay my £50 and drive home thinking that I could do that and make a good and enjoyable career out of it. But I never do.

I'm not really knocking the stress illness/TMS practioners and councellors etc but rather the whole industry that is out there that is promising to end our suffering. I have previously mentioned about my chiropractor visit that planted the huge nocebo in me but looking back its truly laughable how I allowed one persons opinion on me after a 10 minute consultation to totally eat into my mind and cause me so much doubt and confusion. What really irks and rankles is that I know the chiropractor knew I was vulnerable and cannot but help think she took advantage of this. I'm sure she would be happy if I was still going back there for weekly £30 adjustments 2 years on.

The more I've thought on this issue the more I'm sure its a question of faith. Witch doctors and shamans work in other societies as they are trusted and believed and therefore their modality is culturally accepted and appears to be the norm. The thing with chronic pain is that it invariably means thats its accompanied by chronic searching for a cure and relief and this always appears to be an external search...I think this is why I'm always hunting the TMS forums for that golden nugget of insight that will cure me as my own internal belief structure just isn't strong enough or resilient enough to see me to the finish line. I'm not sure but I'm thinking that this really is Steve O's point in some ways that the TMS personality type literally excludes us from believing an external 'cure' by its very nature so that the only real option available to us is to look inside ourselves and take responsibility for believing our own truths. I struggle with this but the further down the line I go the more vital it seems.

 

Huckleberry, your post is so full of good things to think about. I agree that healing is largely a matter of faith. Faith includes believing that TMS comes from repressed emotions, and to heal we need to have faith in the Lord just as primitive people believed in witch doctors and shamans. Maybe they believed these tribal healers were God incarnate. Steve writes in his book that the two things that helped him heal most were belief in TMS and religious or spiritual faith to become pain free. And he was physically active despite the pain, playing golf and concentrating on hitting the ball instead of thinking about the pain.

It's too bad that UK doctors you talked to either never heard of TMS or poo-pooed it. It's their loss, and their patients'.

Stick with TMS and believe in it 100 percent and you'll heal.

 

Huckleberry, First…welcome! I'm glad you're here. I understand the frustration you've experienced. At one of my final PT appointments, my PT scolded me for wearing my flip flops to the appointment. "They're bad for your leg!" she screeched. I usually wore my flip flops because she would work on my leg and it was just easier than taking off a sock and shoes. Anyway. I felt like assaulting her -vigorously- with the offending flip flop. BTW- The orthotics went in the trash and the flip flops are my chief foot wear in the summer.

Then there was the moron chiropractor and his assembly line practice.

Mostly though, the practitioners I've seen have been good, well-intended people. But also ignorant of the mindbody.

"Physician heal thyself" has become my mantra. I'd really like to see a therapist but I live in the middle of Montana where medicine is still in the stone ages.

I listen to Dr. Sarno's book every day on my iPod. I read from bits from SteveO's book every day.

Little by little, I'm reclaiming my inheritance…a happy life free of pain. It's not without its struggle but does anything of value ever come without one?

I'm glad you've found our forum…there's lots of friendship and encouragement here!

 

Its not about 1 golden nugget Huckleberry. Its about a whole lifestyle. You have to learn not to fear or get angered. You have to learn reaction control and why are you reacting the way you are. You have to learn to lighten up on your perfectionist side for this is where the id - ego and super ego lie waiting to crumble you if your vulnerable. You have to learn meditations and deeper emotional search's like for the root cause but if you keep looking for just the root cause then your going to always fall short cause its the combination of all the lessons taught and how you react to lifes pressures. Its about fear control and Anger control and so much more. Don't let this over whelm you at all because it's also about 1 lesson and 1 page at a time.

What you said above reminds me of the Hindu gurus -- When they teach you cant question how their teachings work. That would be an insult. So to me they are learning by faith. The way I learned my higher power in Jesus Christ. Faith is as important as all of the teachings combined.

Bless You

 

Huckleberry, welcome. You have come to a warm and compassionate place, and here you will find support and encouragement.

The journey of this TMS/MBS is quite detailed and multifaceted. Layers upon layers upon layers. As North Star points out, it will take a great deal of work, but the value in that becomes priceless.

There is a vast gulf of difference between our need to control, and becoming empowered by our own, true self. We do have this ability. It is inherent. We have allowed others to take this away from us. Now it is time to take it back. Media, money, egos ... they strive to pull you into places that are not in your best interest.

Believe in yourself. That is the very first step. Believe in yourself.
Hear the echo of that .... repeat and repeat it again.
You are worthy.
This, too, should be repeated often.

with grace and gratitude,
^_^

 

Lily Rose, you're more than worthy. I cannot write as you do. You're a very, very, special woman,
I love you and have never met you. Please feel extra special, you are. I have gained so much from
you. You, will never know. Thank you honey, Nancy.

 

Nancy, my friend .... I write. You dance. It would make you smile to see me dance. I can move my body, but so long as I don't move my feet too much, everyone is safe

Everyone here has 'something'. We are all just at different stages of unveiling what that 'something' may be.

*gently hugs* I hope you are still looking into the Mirror and seeing. If you are, you will see me there looking back at you.

with grace and gratitude,
^_^

 

Lily Rose, I can't move my feet too much either. I will keep trying every day though. I know you
are a very strong woman, much stronger than I. You will overcome all of this, you are a beautiful
and loving human being. I wish I could meet you. You're a very, very special woman. Please know
that you can overcome all of this, you're far ahead of me. Love to you Lilly Rose, Nancy

 

I remember the popular dance called "The Twist." Young dancers didn't move their feet, just their
upper body. It was like their feet were nailed to the dance floor. They got a lot of exercise without
moving so much as a toe. So Nancy, dear, maybe give "the Twist" a try, but remember to be easy
so you don't give your hips too much exercise.

 

Hi Herbie

Wise words as always. I love your posts

 

Thanks for the awesome replies guys...plenty to think on there methinks.

 

Hi Huckleberry,

I'm in the UK, so I can understand your frustrations to some extent. To give you a bit of background, I went to my GP with frequent migraines, was passed from pillar to post, was over medicated to try and "shut me up", and ended up very ill indeed due to a combination of being frightened to death by all the nonsense I was told and severe side effects from the long list of medication I was prescribed by a neurologist. I have BUPA healthcare which is no better than the NHS by the way. I spent thousands trying to get well, visiting many "alternative" practitioners too.

I found out about TMS by accident, and have work through things on my own for about 2 years and I'm about 80% better now and still improving. It has been a long and arduous process, which truthfully I would not have missed for the world. The self knowledge I have gained is beyond measure.

To get to my point, I was as angry as you are about the whole "healthcare" industry, but I had to learn to let that go as part of my healing process, nobody else could have "cured" me, I'm the only one who can do that . So I wasted some money, but I learned to have faith in myself and my own instincts.

I joined the forum a few weeks ago to have some extra support as I work toward being totally well again. I hope you find everyone here as kind and supportive as I have.

Much love & blessings

 

Mermaid, what a wonderful post….

 

Thanks North Star, I appreciate that very much

 

Thank You Mermaid. I really am getting interested in all your knowledge and Wisdom. You have been an inspiration for sure.
Bless You

 

Mermaid, I agree that what we learn about ourselves and others through TMS knowledge is one of life's big blessings.

I always heard it said, to put ourselves in others' shoes, but really learned that in TMS journaling and it has been
a big part of my pain healing. I came to realize how much TMS other people have that caused them to give me TMS.

 

Herbie, I am honoured, you're too kind

 

Walt, that's so true. I've just got back from my parents' house, they are the king and queen of TMS !

 

True that...both my parents died recently but my mother was both neurotic and incredibly over protective of me as a child and even as a man and my father was a real disciplinarian with a total black or white thinking pattern. I'm sure he had some quite intense anger issues as well. I really feel like I'm a perfect storm of the pair of them. Ho hum.