TMS got me...again.

[jokeysmurf]

I'm bummed out that TMS reared its head and got me into the ER. The pain woke me up at 1am, I had not had pain in my rear for a long while now but I also had pain in my lower right abdomen. I did deep breathing and soothing and the pain in the rear went away then hours late my lower right abdomen still remained painful.

Anyway I went to the ER, well I was definitely concerned, this felt more immediate than just make an appointment to see my regular doc in a week. Pain was about 5 out of 10, so I wasn't happy. I got all the tests done and nothing, all clear. Which isn't a surprise on this forum. And not that I was looking to have my appendix removed if I didn't need to but I thought, man are you serious, TMS again?

So that will be a fun one to pay the ER bill, thankfully I have insurance now. But what is the lesson here? Do TMS people just never ever trust the pain? I know I'm lucky to not have a real condition that requires surgery but this is still the pits where you have to default to think, nah this can't be real. Maybe I just need to be a little more educated on the matter since I seem to pop in an out of the forum. For the most part I feel I do well, I have insight, I journal, I meditate and I see a therapist when I can - currently I am still looking for one but it's been up and down finding one that believes chronic pain is significant to talk about since it's shaped my life.

Am I stressed? Apparently so, at least unconsciously, which maybe is the only kind that matter with TMS? Consciously I manage a lot. The day before my ER trip, was watching a scary movie but really enjoying it, felt my fear brain kick up and weird out from all the flashing lights, worked though it and felt great after a sweaty adrenaline release. I felt really great after like I had released some pent up anxiety or fear and we went out for a treat after. I got home late but went to bed feeling great, I hadn't had a nice time like that in a while. Then I woke up to the pain in the rear and abdomen pain. Now I know this is consistent with the TMS pattern and I makes me hate my SubC because fuck you, the fearful brain doesn't ever take a day off.

I've deal with IBS on and off, and it shows up in the same old spots, this was a new one for me. So I guess I freaked out a bit. The pain is still there but not a 5 anymore more like a 1 or 2 and spikes to a 3 sometimes and then it fades a bit. Maybe this new pain area is like a toy.

I guess sometimes I just would like to be wrong about TMS? that sounds weird I guess.

On the good side, I have been really doing well other than this, lowering my anxiety levels. I have gone back to some of my old notes and decided it was time to work on my residual anxiety, that low level stuff and It has been working well. Could this be a cause to kick up something like this?

Thoughts?

 

[Adam Coloretti (coach)]

So that will be a fun one to pay the ER bill, thankfully I have insurance now. But what is the lesson here? Do TMS people just never ever trust the pain?

I think really it's an overall shift from one of self-judgment and having to figure everything out to one of self-compassion and validating your experience - I'd say it's that at a broader level rather than anything specific you have to dig up (if I had to guess).

You felt pain that was more intense than usual and that you weren't happy with, so you went to the ER and you got the all clear. There are two ways of internalising this, guess which one is the person who gets TMS (and whilst I may have exaggerated it, from what you said I think you lean towards person 2 - which is no judgment as I and most who have/have had TMS do also):

Person 1: It was completely fair for me to be worried given that sort of pain, I did the responsible thing and went to the ER, prioritising my health. Thank goodness there was nothing wrong. I am so glad that my instincts work like that, because what if there really was something wrong and I didn't go?

Person 2: I can't believe I got sucked into going to the ER like that. Surely I should know better given all that I know about TMS and all the experience I have? I'm going to work doubly hard now and really educate myself on TMS so I'm never that foolish and gullible again. How embarrassing.

The first person has self-compassion because they understand that what they went through was a completely normal human experience (people go to the hospital with false alarms all the time - I'm sure you wouldn't judge them as harshly as you judge yourself, in fact you'd probably tell them to feel like person 1 feels). There's less need to control everything because there's less self-judgment to deal with if things "go wrong". The second person judges themselves for literally everything, so life becomes terrifying not because of what actually happens in life (although that can play a role), but because no matter what happens they always have to face the wrath of themselves (being the critical internal voice and all the guilt that comes with not being perfect).

If you give yourself a break and start to fully validate your thoughts and your experiences, then that's one of the safest things you can do when it comes to the nervous system, which equals less symptoms