Trauma and healing

Sometimes I wonder if it's taking my body so long to heal because I had a 32- year repressed memory of a childhood trauma (incest). I believe I've read that people with similar childhood traumas have healed via Sarno. Just wondering if anyone out there, who has had a long/slow healing process, feels like it's partly because of a repressed childhood trauma. This one is a bit scary for me to post (admitting/facing the fact that I had a repressed memory), but it's something that often lingers in my mind. I know it shouldn't really matter if others are in the same boat as me, but I'm curious. And I sometimes feel like I'm the only one with a repressed memory and people will think I'm crazy, but I know I'm not. In fact my perpetrator confirmed my incident. It seems to be such a taboo subject that it's scary to bring up. But here goes...

 

Repressed memories are often driving forces in the emotions that generate symptoms, but they can be released. Forgiveness must be present in every healing formula. Your brain can change at any time in life, why not now?

 

I also have so many repressed traumas before the age of five or six. I've been writing them down and realized that my only reaction to them was a kind of shock. Never got the fact that I might have been angry, sad, embarrassed, lonely, misunderstood etc. Now I know that I felt these things but I am having a very hard time forgiving those who caused these traumas. I've also had traumas in my adulthood that I've been journaling about and again realized that I was in shock and didn't respond with the appropriate feelings of anger, sadness, embarrassment etc. I held everything in and just tried to deal with it best I could. I now see that I am very angry at myself and it is so hard to forgive myself for stupid choices and mistakes I made. Mistakes that were made decades ago. How do we forgive ourselves? I say the words but they don't feel as if I've released anything. So angry at me.

 

Thanks, Steve. I've been asking myself that for over 9 years :/ I absolutely know my brain can change, and I'm patiently waiting for that moment! I do feel like I have forgiven. I think it took longer to forgive myself (if indeed I finally have) than to forgive the perpetrator and others who I may have felt didn't protect me. But honestly, with as much work as I've done, even if I've intellectually forgiven, I just don't know if my subconscious really has. Anyway, I think it's time I do some serious journaling on other stuff. I've done so much work (with therapists and through writing) related to my past trauma, but I haven't really made a concerted effort to journal about other stuff. I feel like I need to make sure there isn't other stuff bogging me down. But I find myself wanting to avoid it (all the more reason to make myself, I suspect)

 

[QUOTE=".How do we forgive ourselves? I say the words but they don't feel as if I've released anything. So angry at me.[/QUOTE]

Boy, I can relate. I don't know. I just keep thinking (and hoping) that with lots of acknowledgement and time we will finally release it all. I also try to be kind to myself and recognize that it can be hard and can take a while, especially when trauma affected us at a young age. But at the same time I don't want to have it as an excuse of why I can't let it go and get better.

Thanks for responding to my post, and best of luck to you, too!