Derek S. Why am I not getting better

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Question

Why am I not getting better this time?

I have been through the program a number of times times in the past 5 years with 100% success, being pain free any within 3 day to 2 weeks. The pain usually comes on when I was overwhelmed with school work around exams (being a perfectionist and conscientious, always studying and generating unconscious anger). In the past the pain subsides rather quickly when I focus on the psychological, but this time around I am just not getting better.

I read the books everyday for 45 mins - 1 hour, I journal all of my personality traits and life pressures/internal stressors that generate unconscious rage, and I firmly believe in the diagnosis as I have been through the program before. But this time the pain just wont go away. It has been 5 weeks and I keep going through the cycle of improving and getting worse back pain randomly at times that dont make sense (psychological conditioning obviously) and I feel as if my efforts to defeat the pain are becoming a lost cause, even if I know the origin of the pain is a defense mechanism and I never think that I have a physical problem.

How is it possible that the pain is lingering for this long without improvement when I thoroughly understand the diagnosis and am going through the program in depth? Usually the pain is severe but when I focus on the psychological and the pain goes away within days. How can it be that the unconscious is unwilling to accept my conscious understanding of TMS when I have been at it for so long.

I am currently going to the gym to do deadlifts and train my low back even though I know it will cause low back pain (because of conditioning as the mind will use it as a scenario to try and make me think I have a physical problem when I dont). Even when I am aware of what the mind is trying to do and I act upon it by talking to my brain and focusing on the psychological problems, the pain will not subside.

Please give me advice and let me know as to what you think the problem is and how I should solve it.

 

Answer

Thanks for your question, Sanjay.

It certainly sounds like you are doing a lot of things correctly. I am amazed at how consistently successful you have been in getting rid of your previous symptoms in such a short amount of time. It speaks to your dedication and execution.

I would take a look at how much pressure you are putting on yourself to recover as efficiently as you have in the past. I've worked with many people who had success the first few times they had symptoms but then landed on a symptom that was more stubborn and didn't respond to the old formula. Sometimes early success creates unrealistic expectations for recovery from relapses.

Don't set any timelines for yourself and try to be patient with your recovery. The symptoms will go away and the stubborn nature of the symptom does not mean that this is not TMS.

Try making some small adjustments in your recovery approach this time with the goal of taking the pressure off of yourself and not allowing the symptom to have the power to make you feel defeated or disempowered. Sometimes the symptom can become a vessel for disempowerment as well as for fear and preoccupation. Be assertive and confident that the symptom will resolve and don't operate with specific expectations that could make you feel like you're failing.

You may also consider working with a TMS therapist/coach if you need some additional help.

Best of luck.

-Derek

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Thank you for your response

 

Sanjay-
Stop trying so hard to figure this out.
Stop fighting.
Let it be.

I know that might be incredibly annoying to hear...as it drives me nuts when people tell me the same thing but its in my character to analyze all things, figure all things out...and control.

Relinquish control, dont put a time period on healing and just diligently and consistently stick with what youre doing.

I have/had a rotator cuff injury that for SIX MONTHS would not leave me alone. I am an amateur bodybuilder and virtually every single weightlifting movement caused terrible pain. It was the bane of my existence.

One day I walked in the gym and said "I just dont care about the pain. I will not try to stop the pain nor will I try to ignore it. I will just let it be. if it wants to stay fine...no matter what, I WILL work out.".
I kid you not, I stuck to this for two weeks, I convinced myself not to worry, not to question and not to put a time limit on healing and it VANISHED.
It didn't slowly get better, it VANISHED.

Even though I have my fair share of other things I battle, I maxed out at 70lbs an arm last wk for overhead press which for me at 41 years old, is a new PR.

Stay the course!