Wrong Emotion ??

I don’t want to challenge Dr. Sarno’s ground breaking work but consider this. It is well accepted in psychology that behind the emotions of: frustration – shame – grief – anger and rage is the core emotion of Hurt.

When I came home at age 8 and found my father was packing to leave the family I was not initially angry, I was hurt, then sad then angry. When I found my former wife having an affair I was at first hurt then angry.

Hurt precedes these other emotions and anger can be a smoke screen to deny hurt. In fact in psychology when we teach assertiveness skills you don’t report the anger you report the hurt.

So when your friend stands you up, you can go to anger and risk a confrontation or you can report the core emotions: “ I am really hurt you forgot our date.”

So as I begin this work and look at all the disappointments I feel the need to go deeper than anger and rage and see the source of hurt and feel how it hurt!

I also suspect that since it is our inner child that is a prime emotional part, that mine is really pissed that I have allowed all this unfelt emotional energy to be heaped on him and he is not having any more of it.

 

I know for myself that I grew up having to take care of myself with no one to turn to. This inability to explore/express my emotional mileau was a recipe for disassociation from my feelings....that and most of them were negative and overpowering for a child.

 

Hi RikR. If a friend stood me up, I suppose I could say I was hurt, but to me underneath that hurt is I AM ANGRY YOU DID THIS! And yes, it would be better to approach or confront from a non-angry angle as you mention, and I see nothing wrong with saying "I am hurt you did this." But to me it seems that anger would be under the hurt.

I have found that as long as we become aware and are exploring what is buried in us, a lot comes out and we can feel what we need to feel--whatever that may be.

I also must ask: where was that photo of you taken?

Best wishes for healing!

 

Current psychology says that hurt is the base emotion but I also respect how it occurs for you. I was rock climbing in Joshua Tree National park before TMS stopped my adventure activities

 

Hi RikR,
My primary repressed emotion is sadness, maybe similar to what you describe as hurt. It's easier for me to feel anger than sadness.

I think the most important thing is that we accept that we have repressed emotions and learn to accept the "shadow" part of ourselves. I personally don't think it matters that much which is the main repressed emotion.

Also, welcome! I haven't been on here much in the last week so I'm catching up on posts.

 

Anger is easier to express because it requires less vulnerability than sadness. And anger makes us feel powerful, like we can do something, whereas sadness feels more passive and helpless.

 

Layne
I totally agree. Anger is a defense. The first step in assertiveness training is to report the hurt not the anger - otherwise anger is met with anger.

I also am leaning that when I feel the hurt I have something real towork with - anger is just raw energy looking for a place to land