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Hi there and welcome! I dont visit on here really anymore but I got a email since I have posted in this thread and felt the need to reach out.

First of all this is a crazy journey of life. Your are on a journey and it appears its time for your to start really changing. It can be scary, but that is part of the problem. Being scared is Fear. We need to conquer this.

I just stopped my Lexapro about 3 months ago and did a long taper. Took me about a year and a half to come off. I followed the recommendation of https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/ (Surviving Antidepressants) website which was great. Took it slow and of course you have withdrawals, but I was able to manage them which is key. They are a big help over there.

I started the AD because of health anxiety that It got from health symptoms (stress) because of my personality. Like perfectionism, people pleaser, etc. etc.
I have had some dark times. I found TMS because of pain I was having and this opened me up to the Mind/body/spirit. Our minds and body are so connected its crazy. So much more then we think!

After I stopped the AD I started doing a few online programs called the https://www.guptaprogram.com/ (The Gupta Program) and https://retrainingthebrain.com/ (Dynamic Neural Retraining System™)

I started to realize that we have this worry/fear/perfectionist pathways that have been hardwired into our brain. You can't just flip a switch and its gone. You have to rewire our brains. That is the work you have to do. You have to be aware of your thoughts. Redirect them to a positive thought. Sounds easy but it takes time. That is the key to get rid of the symptom imperative to me as well as anxiety/depression etc. etc. Is rewiring your brain to stop your thoughts and change them until you completely change your personality. Also, you need to make sure if you get feelings you dont repress them. You feel them and let them pass. Your body is energy (research Dr Joe Dispenza). Once you discover we are all energy, everything starts to make sense. We all look at ourselves thinking we are this Matter but were not. We are energy. Emotions are energy in motion and it needs to pass through us and out like a electrical wire.

So to make a long story short, TMS turned my whole world upside down when I realized my thoughts are WAY more powerful then we think. Once you 100% believe that (takes time) you can start rewiring those parts of your brain while calming your nervous system down.

You will heal. You posting this today and learning about this is already the start. Its not a overnight process. It will take a lot of time and there will be a lot of ups and downs. But we can all heal. Our bodies are designed to heal and go back into homeostasis. I have come a long way and you can too. PM if you want to chat through Skype or need a phone call or anything. I am here for your. Much love.