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Hi Lina. I bet you can gather from all these responses that most of us have been in the position you are now and are very sympathetic with the struggle to believe that the excruciating, relentless pain can actually be caused by TMS. Its not all that difficult to believe that it could be the case for others, but when it comes to ourselves we have to convince ourselves over and over, moment by moment, in the face of a very powerfully distracting force - our pain. I used to complain to those close to me how they expected the pain to be easier to deal with just because I had been experiencing it for months. But the reality for me is that it hurt each moment, and it was as hard to deal with after months as when it first started. Some days it was like a bad horror film and I would say to myself "How can this still be happening?" When pain is being generated for emotional and psychological reasons, there are not a lot of good options unless we can somehow develop the strength and awareness to face it, or to mask the pain for temporary relief or stumbling upon placebos. I did this for over 20 years. You asked the question: "How can I believe that this is "only" TMS?"
I am one of those that could not just step into 100% belief in TMS recovery. At some point I made a choice to commit to it regardless of whether I believed 100% or not. I made that commitment because I had explored so many other options before - medical and alternative - and was not able to 100% embrace any of them any more. I was in limbo. It seems like that may be where you are now because I do not sense from your post that you truly believe there is a structural, medical cause for your pain that you have not explored. You can do as I did and just commit to the TMS recovery and when you notice that you are having a hard time believing it is TMS, recognize that this doubt is part of what fuels the TMS. Try not to give yourself a hard time for having doubt. Keep an evidence sheet and make note of any little successes or inconsistencies in a structural diagnosis. I found this very helpful. Read all you can about outcome independence and try your best to not monitor your pain. If you notice you are obsessively thinking about your pain, look for something else that you can focus on or bring your attention to. I had a certain game on luminosity that took at lot of focus and attention. I would play this game just to get my focus on something else for a while. I know it sounds counter intuitive but if you can find a way to follow a TMS recovery program and not judge the success based on your pain levels and find little ways to lessen your focus on the pain, it will get better and you will find relief. Once that happens, the belief will come. I know some people can step right into it, and for some of us it is more of a process. What we don't talk about a whole lot is how we can be so much happier and manage things even before we are 100% pain free. I went from "I don't know how I am going to live with this pain" to "even if I am never pain free I can still live a happy and meaningful life."
So it is not always as difficult as it is right now. You may feel considerably better tomorrow and you need to leave the door open for those little successes. They make a big difference.