Bookmark

I almost always have the topic READY before the butt spasm,etc....I have it ready from my previous rants on paper. It is like keeping a loaded gun....If you wait until you're nervous and panicky, your mind goes everywhichway but since this usually happens in a graphable curve, I am prepared.

It usually goes like this :

(awareness) omg...leave me the Fuck alone! NO...Not now, I want to finish this book, leave me alone!

oh...OK. You want my attention?

"Wow...I am really 100% alone. That BITCH (exgf) bailed on me after I fed her and clothed and housed her..I just need someone to watch my dog. Now I can't go to my baseball games becuase no one will watch Sophie..I can't leave her alone....well I could, but then I am a dick...wow, I am such a codependent pussy.
I am totally alone. I have no one to back me up. I have been abandoned.
I guess this goes all the way back to my Mom watching me od and tell my sister 'let him die...he doesn't get it'
wow...I am really alone and scared. WTF will happen to me if I stop fighting the gravity...I might end up homeless again???
Who will take care of Sophie? I f'd up and couldn't take care of my other dog and am so ashamed of having to leave her with other people
I am such a selfish, loser pOS....I can't take care of my own self and am useless...."

etc, ad infinitum. Nothing with a negative connotation is out of bounds....as dark as I can get and as cynical. This is an act of creativity.

If I notice the pain, I will also usually notice i have stopped 'trying to think of anger inducers'...and many times, by the time I think about pain again , it is GONE

I never track time, but when I have resorted to this and just telling it to go away doesn't work, it has never stuck around longer than a few days...BUT, it is amazing how many days I will let it bug me before I do this.

we really do have an aversion to negativity, so it takes a concerted effort.

I make sure and have one lead off topic , usually abandonment or feelings of aloneness to launch the perusal...unless there is a new 'incident'..say something at work, or a new relationship fiasco.

mercifully, I have developed an aversion to romantic relationships, so the last two, though a few years old have sufficed...and we all have them. If we think we don't, THAT IS WHY we have TMS!!!