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Hi friends!


First post ever & will continue to update.

I’ll try not to make this super long. I will inevitably lol!

Essentially I have a massive history of TMS. But I only discovered TMS last year and when I suffered from really bad low back pain. If it wasn’t for some random reddit comment “check out Dr.Sarno” I would have never had the crazy discovery or reason for alot of what I had been through. It’s been a lot of medical debt & stress & tears over the years. Headaches that lasted weeks, Insomnia that I swore was gonna put me down lol, Stomach pain, Back pain, eye strain pain, sinus pain! I’m also plagued with health anxiety. But I do have windows of time where things do feel okay. I eventually got out of 7 months of pain from my back when I addressed my pain caused from my parents. I miraculously had a very crazy release and felt the pain finally start to let up. I was at a point where I couldn’t sit, stand still, barely sleep. It was one of the craziest moments of my life and truly made me a believer in TMS. The pain eventually went away once I knew it wasn’t real.

No TMS since…

However in the last 30 days I developed prostatitis pain/ testicle/ pelvic pain. This isn’t my first time with this pain either. However it’s on my left side now which is new to me. I had this on my right side 10 years ago for like a year. I was so used to it. I would rather it be on my right haha.


Never the less really stressful time in my life right now. But was managing.

It happened after a day of ejaculation a few times. Went to bed late one night after sex with my partner and woke up to take my son to school. I want to mention I have had no accidents or injuries take place. This simply just started out of the blue.

When I was driving I felt a discomfort in my left testicle. Didn’t think anything of it at the time. But after a few hours to a few days I completely started to worry as it wasn’t going away. Before you know it I was locked in. Started panicking. Googling! Terrible move!

*Symptoms:

Testical/groin discomfort

Hip pain

Random leg pain

Sore left glute

Hip flexor tightness

Left side tailbone tightness/pain

Split stream urine sometimes.

Perineum tightness when ejaculation (when this started not so much anymore)

Rectum sensations.


Then it started radiating to my left hip, front of thigh, outside of my left leg. Left side of my back. In my glute. It’s not an excruciating pain but it’s enough to get my attention and bother me.

Had enough and went to the ER for some clarity. They did a urinalysis and it came back clean. They also did an ultrasound on my scrotum/testicals. They were also fine. However I’ve had two epididymitis cysts my whole life which I told them about and they saw them. They also found a small varicocele (fairly common) on my left side which I did not know about. I had researched prior and knew the left side felt a little different but wasn’t sure.


I want to mention my testicals themselves are not painful to the touch at all which is crazy to me. It was then that my mind made up that this (varicocele) has to be the source of my pain. I’ve thought since that it could be my hip caused by a labral tear. Maybe my low back is actually doing this potentially hitting a nerve. Possible PN?! Hernia, Colon?!

The ER physician wasn’t concerned in the least and sent me on my way.

The radiologist didn’t even mention the varicocele in the final findings report cuz it was so small (2.5mm). I had to literally ask about them as the tech mentioned them but the Doc did not. The worst part of all this is I won’t have insurance until January 1st. So the feeling of being financially stuck really adds to this. I do have an appointment with a Urologist on June 30 but that’s about it currently.

I’m exhausted.


But I want to say that through pushing through fear. I did a CrossFit workout on Memorial Day. It was a mile run, 100 pull-ups, 200 pushups, 300 air squats, and another mile run. Literally experienced zero pain or discomfort during it. I couldn’t believe it. That’s when I started to suspect. It seems like movement is best for lessening my symptoms but sitting or standing still isn’t. But laying down is fine I can’t make it make sense.

Also when I lay down at night I sleep like a baby. I can get up and pee and come back to bed no problem and get into a comfortable position and go back to bed.

But when I awake in the morning and my body is laying waking up even if I haven’t gotten up. The pain starts to come back.

Very strange.

They do say that laying down relieves pain associated with a varicocele but gosh this can be applied to literally anything causing pain and finding relief laying down. I do not have to elevate my feet at all. Also even if I wanted to pursue fixing it there’s no guarantee it makes the pain go away. Especially with it being so small a doctor may not even touch it.


Lastly I went against conventional wisdom yesterday and I masturbated and it alleviated my symptoms greatly for like 30 mins. Went to the driving range to hit some golf balls…. Zero pain doing this activity. Not until I was in my car driving home. Sitting seems to be a big trigger as this is how it started.


But now I’m rambling and I’m sure I’ve missed something. But I’m trying hard to buy in again that this is TMS. I like many of you, pain triggers my anxiety. It’s hard to come back down when pain is trying to take all your focus.

I have moments where I’m okay but as you know it’s a constant effort to just let it be.


Hopefully I find some of you with similar wisdom. I’ve searched savagely for stories with some same issues and have found some even with success. But I wanted to make my own.


Thank you friends.