Angry because I have unbearable pain

Hello, everyone.
More than 2 months that I practice the Sarno method. I know 100% that my pains are psychological and TMS expert.
I am in a fight that I had already experienced 3 years ago following a psychological explosion and an intensification/ multiplication of symptoms. At that time, I cracked psychologically, sadness, anxiety, fear, what do I have? After a visit to the emergency room, 10 days without sleep, I was given medication, I stopped thinking... and after several weeks I returned to the original pain.
Today, the Sarno method brought me to the same point as 3 years ago but I know it more. What I feel is that my brain perceives anger and sadness as danger signals and intensifies the pain accordingly. I’m in a tug of war with my unconscious, and I can see he’s pushing me to give up. I would like to stand up to him but it’s so extreme, I start my third day without sleep.
I looked a lot on the forum, but I found no testimony from people who have such endless pushes. Is there light at the end of the tunnel?

 

Yes, there is.
There are MANY of us who have had many years of pain and suffering.
I was (and still am) having pain, this is year 12 for the current chronic pain, but my TMS began at about 4 years old.
Two years ago I was considering how much of an impact my situation was having on my family. I was deeply depressed, highly anxious, and ready to end things. I had difficulty seeing anyone in person and spent most of my time alone in silence. I was bed bound and unable to sit for more than 5-10 minutes.
Today I ate a late breakfast outdoors, and am going to do some chores and some work and go for a two mile walk before making dinner. Maybe another sunset walk too. On the weekend we traveled to another city, participated in our favorite hobby, met lots of new people, then drove to a different city to eat a delicious lunch. I had to lay down for a bit when we returned, and yesterday was tough physically but mentally I had a wonderful day.
With TMS the biggest difficulty is not the physical issue (although not sleeping is rough), it is the mental suffering that is really the most difficult hurdle.
Your brain is simply rejecting the idea that there is NOTHING wrong with you. It has been protecting you by making you have symptoms, depriving you of sleep, giving you stronger symptoms and probably giving you running, endless thoughts.
It may be that you are dealing with a lot of anxiety - the endless whirling mind that doesn't stop. Claire Weekes books teach you how to deal with anxiety. She even talks about sleep or lack of sleep and what to do.
This method can take time and a lot of patience and kindness with yourself, both your mind and your body need this kindness. You need to let your body and mind know you are safe.
If you have a place to sleep, a warm bed, food to eat and you are alive and breathing, you are safe right now.
You have to tell yourself you are safe OVER and OVER and OVER because you will begin to explore the times you did not feel safe. Your subconscious does not know time - maybe you were unsafe 20 years ago, or 2 years ago...your subconscious doesn't realize that you are safe NOW. So you begin to teach it, slowly, that you are safe.

You are far stronger than you think. Look at what you went through a few years ago, but here you are.
You can do this.
One of the best things I heard, was a neuro-scientist ask the question: Would you let your liver boss you around? Would you let your kidney boss you around? No, of course not because they are simply organs. The brain is simply an ORGAN. Why do you let it boss you around? It is the bossiest part of the body, but it is not YOU. The brain is not your human essence, it is just an organ. Slowly and with kindness you teach it that YOU are in control.

I have faith you can do this.

 

Beautiful, deeply moving post! And what an amazing progress you have made, @Cactusflower !

Claire Weekes is the #1 recipe for anxiety, and the next one is meditation.

 

@Cactusflower,
I need to read this every day! I’m going to. What a great pep talk and inspiration!

 

You are my inspiration! What you went through is NOTHING to the challenges I have had. Your book was my key to freedom of mind.

 

Dr. Claire Weekes, her voice 2 min.

 

This right here. Especially if you have health anxiety.

Plus there is often a part of your brain that feels like if you don't focus on whatever the symptom is, that you are not "doing your job" to keep yourself safe.

I really like this focus on that you are safe right now. It often feels like we can't live our lives if we think we might have something wrong with us that will get us at some point-- even if we are OK right now. Our fear that something bad is happening or will happen stops us from living now while we are OK.

 

After almost half a year in the forum, these specific lessons are ringing the most true for me! I know if I persist with Dr. Weekes (I’m currently reading her book slowly for the third time) and meditating up to an hour a day, I’ll get better.

20 years ago I had severe panic with near-daily panic attacks and agoraphobia, and I cured it by meditating 30 min. in the AM and PM every day for a year.

I now have a host of tough physical symptoms. Coming to believe TMS all comes down to ANXIETY and ANGER. Any TMS. Get those two fixed and you’ll heal.

Today my leg was aching so bad and I was able to figure out what was making me mad within about 10 min. and it subsided. Progress for me!

I love @Cactusflower ’s advice here! Train your brain. Train it! Stick with it!

@TG957 - You inspire me so much because I have all your same symptoms. And you healed!

thanks to this forum, I’m getting somewhere!

 

I am reposting this today—what I have labeled in my bookmarks as “the Best Pep Talk Ever.” It’s from one of my friends here on the forum. She is one of about a dozen priceless people I have met here over the past 6 months. Without you all, I don’t know where I’d be.

The days go by. Some good some bad, but it’s like Cactus said, the hardest part is mental. My symptoms are taking a toll on my loved ones. I think chronic pain is very hard to live with. Stories like this one from Cactusflower give me HOPE. Why can’t one day I do even better than this? I can. I just have to BELIEVE and do my best. Staying in the moment. One day at a time. Do the work and be patient. Be at peace and stay thankful. Thankfulness fights despair. Sending my warmest thoughts out to anyone suffering today—especially mentally —-with your TMS.

 

Think back and try to discover why you're putting so much pressure on yourself? Is this an echo of behavior you learned as a child or adolescent? Sounds like the pattern was ingrained at some stage of your personality development, probably early on.

 

Shouldn't this string be entitled, "I have pain because I have unbearable rage"? It's like you've turned Dr Sarno's aphorism upside down and thereby perpetuated your own misperception as a TMS sufferer.