Been a while

Don't be discouraged. For some people it takes longer to recover.

The biggest shift I noticed was when I calmed myself down by diving into my hobbies again, even if I didn't want to. My symptoms started to calm down and this is when the doubt began to go away. Soothing is really important. Have you tried that?

1. Find ways to soothe yourself (a hobby)
2. Lose victimhood (This was a habit I had to learn to break! It's something I learned from my own mother)
3. Find time to connect with your emotions daily. I personally don't think this has to be that long!
4. Keep an evidence sheet (I kept mine in my Notes app)

 

It's breaking the victimhood. Any tips?

 

To me this has been hard! It’s deciding that your TMS is bullying you and you are done with that. It’s deciding you honestly deserve a good life. It’s wanting it with all your might and putting that desire into action. It’s basically loving yourself.

 

I don't like the idea of it bullying me. That's just following the bully pattern. I'd rather it be helping me

 

Ok find what works for you! But don’t just give up and think your life is over. That’s victimhood.

 

The hard part is no clear path. But we carry on

 

Perhaps that’s so you don’t have to get in touch with your rage about it all your rage about being a victim.

 

You know, I’ll just offer this. I’ve been on this forum every day for a year. The reason I come on here is to learn from those who have gone ahead of me. What I’ve done is I have tried everything anyone suggests. Even if —and especially if— it rubs me the wrong way. If it bugs me, then I know I’m resisting for a reason. I try all these ideas and cling to what works for me. But when I come on the forum, I come with an open and eager mind. I don’t come to disprove everyone’s suggestions. That’s what’s helped me the most.

 

I have journalled my rage yes.
I still have a few topics to do.
I appreciate everyone's help

 

I don't see other people mention this a lot. I guess because for most people the emotions are suppressed.
I feel crying a lot of time. Sometimes I don't even know why. Especially if I try to do enjoyable things. Like I will be on happy music. It makes me want to cry instead.
It's confusing.
Have others experienced this and if so what's the solution?

 

You don’t have to analyze why you’re crying. When I get in tune with myself at the end of the day, I don’t question why I’m shedding a few tears. Let it be. You’re allowed to feel your feelings. Remind yourself it is safe by speaking it out loud.

A couple months ago I told my husband I was angry. He told me that’s okay. I began to bawl. I felt safe.

 

I agree with @HealingMe there is nothing to “fix” about feeling your emotions.
Perhaps you are depressed, that’s a TMS symptom and it passes.
It’s also normal to cry when you are sad OR happy. You have the right to see tears, jump for joy, feel anger and rage, be content etc. it’s all part of the human experience.
Try not to compare your experiences to others by looking to find what is “normal” - that’s a subtle form of self-pressure.

 

I am pressuring myself. Its just that I'm trying to live normallt whilst I heal and it's hard when I wanna cry all the time and I'm like why. And then I'm also like well if it's due to frustration then that's just giving in to being a victim. It's confusing

 

This is so true. I was super emotional/fearful about my pelvic pain and I was told it was TMS by Dr. Howard Schubiner himself and though it brought comfort for a moment, I eventually started doubting that I had TMS all over again. Your brain is going to do what it’s used to doing: keeping you doubting, fearful and in despair. You just gotta stay consistent in reassuring it that everything is fine. Habits don’t die easily but eventually they do change. Give up on TRYING to heal and just accept that you’re all good, regardless of what the symptoms are doing. They’re going to go up and down and try to trip you up. Think of them as a toddler throwing a tantrum and don’t give in to the tantrum. Be kind and patient with yourself as well. Over time, things will get better as a natural consequence to this work.

 

Hey friend,

I think there's a a decent contigent of us who don't respond well to the "stop being a victim" rhetoric. It really depends on the person. I'm not sure about your story, but here's mine in case we can find some common ground here.

I was sexually assaulted in my twenties by a stranger and for years and years refused to admit that I was a victim of any kind. I took defense classes. I got a huge dog. I lifted weights. I did everything "right." For me, that made things WAY worse, because it gave me a false sense that I was in control of what happened to me and if I could only "stop feeling like a victim" or "stop acting like a victim" then nothing bad would have happened to me, because "only victims get hurt." So, when I felt scared or helpless or out of control, I just beat myself up.

It was only when I admitted to myself that I was "a victim" that I was able to start healing. Because I was putting SO MUCH PRESSURE on myself to "stop acting like a victim," when the truth was that I WAS a victim and that's ok. Bad things happen to us that are out of our control. We have thoughts that are out of our control. Bad things happen to good people. Good things happen to bad people. We have no control over that. We can only control how we react to these truths.

By demonizing the term "victim" we are inadvertently blaming ourselves, when really we need some forgiveness. Not because we necessarily did anything "wrong", but because our current behaviors are trapping us. I want you to know (and to remind myself) that I was a victim, but there was nothing evil or selfish or bad about that. Once I was able to admit that I was vulnerable, I was able to love myself, instead of hate myself. Now, "victim" is no longer a part of my identity.

It's easy to love a child who fell and scraped her knee. The child is a "victim" to gravity. Let's pick her up and hug her. Clean up the wound and send her on her way. She will fall again. That's ok.

Give yourself a break, friend. Your inner child needs a hug, not a spanking for falling down. I know you can do this. Even if you are "a victim" you deserve as much love and compassion as anyone else.

 

You are a sweet and wise soul, @homorobothead! So sorry that happened to you! And thanks for reminding all of us to go easy on ourselves and others. ❤️

Hugs to you @CalmIsTheCure ! Hope you are feeling a little better. (I cry all the time, too. At the drop of a hat.)

 

That was beautiful thank you

 

I guess I feel confused. Why does this happen. Alan gordron and john sarno seem to have different theories

 

I’m not sure. But maybe this is it. In the book Hope and Help for Your Nerves, by Claire Weekes, she talks a lot about how people with hypersensitive nervous systems get easily overwhelmed by their emotions. And those emotions are pretty extreme.

 

I guess my question more is.
Of sarno was right and it's from repressed emotions. Once you know it's TMS why doesnt it shut off?
Meaning how can one part of the brain know it's TMS and another part not know.