Challenging day

I've had a bit of a wobble today! Yesterday saw some pretty major emotional releases and I'm now experiencing some really strong pain symptoms. Last night I tried sleeping in a bed for the first time in many weeks and I'm really struggling as to weather its my emotions triggering the pain or posture in the bed triggering my physical injury. That combined with zero sleep and my mind is all over the place. I could really do with some assurance as to whats going on. To top it off I've also had to take more meds as the pain levels are through the roof. I'm feeling like I've taken a massive step backwards which is hitting my confidence hard. So I'm confused, in pain and emotional pretty raw. I could do with a pep talk.

 

hi Teatime: so sorry to hear of your bad day. Others who are more experienced can comment but I think it is totally normal to have backward steps at various stages, and particularly if you are just digging into exploring emotional releases. In the Steve Ozanich book he talks about the times he went backwards (something like "many times of one step forward and five steps backwards").

Here is a blurb from Dani Fagan's page, which may be comforting when you have rocky days, and has a lot of info about "what to expect": "Recovery is not linear: Sorry, this is a difficult pill to swallow. You may have good days and really bad days, you may have mostly really bad days, but then out of the blue, you realise "whoa, I don't hurt as bad today!" then that evening BOOM, you're back in the pit of despair. It won't feel like it, but this is a GOOD SIGN. It's actually working. Keep going!
Your mind is adapting to the new NORMAL. Your body is learning what to do with that."

https://mytmsjourney.com/recovery-journey-roadmap/what-to-expect/#section-tabs (What to expect while healing from TMS)

Hope it helps.

 

Thanks. That does help. Pain levels are more manageable today which also helps. I resisted the urge to just take meds as soon as I woke up out of fear of pain. I find that codeine and diazapam really numbs me out emotionally which is pretty counterproductive if I'm trying to view my pain at an emotional level. "Recovery is not linear..." Its a good point to bear in mind. Its easy for me to get sucked back into a fear/ pain cycle and even become self critical, like I have to keep making progress or its my fault! Which I know its not.

 

I think pretty everybody deals with this during recovery. What helped me whenever symptoms came back was to focus on the inconsistencies in when and how they presented, as well as the periods when I felt well. Surely, physical problems do not come and go so quickly like TMS pain can. Regarding your back, perhaps there are silly inconsistencies like it feels fine during physical activity, or sitting in chairs, etc., but not in bed. Such things do not make logical sense and are great evidence that TMS is the problem. And to paraphrase Dr. Sarno from one of his books, we are not paper-mache - our species has evolved to be tough, resilient, and quick to heal.

Keep up the good work!

 

Thanks ssxl a couple of weeks on now and I think my attitude towards pain is starting to shift. Primarily because of what you mentioned regarding the inconsistencies. For me this manifests as elevated levels when I'm stressed/ around stressed people and lowered levels when I'm doing fun stuff with loved ones. Interestingly if I have big emotional releases when I'm in pain then the pain levels can drop dramatically. I currently trying to deal with my attitudes towards physical activity. Bending, walking, sitting on low chairs, driving, lying on my back usually result in big pain flare ups. I'm trying to ease myself into things slowly but its easier said than done sometimes.