Day 1

My problems started fairly suddenly with burning bladder pain but no one could find anything wrong. This was just as we were going into the first lockdown. I realised that I was having some burning in my feet and legs and thought the whole thing was probably a spinal nerve problem. Then I began with burning in both legs and down my arms and in my neck. This was at a time when I was under severe strain mentally. As a family we had had a year of problems- my brother had a heart attack, my niece died, one son was suffering from depression and struggling at school, the other was unable to find a job post university. To finish it off my husband was having a bit of a midlife crisis and having lied to me about something,I thought he had been having an affair. When my symptoms started he was away in America and I was worried he may not be able to get home. The world was going crazy with COVID-19. I completely fit the personality profile of TMS sufferers. Looking back, no wonder I got TMS, which is increasingly what I am coming to believe is the problem. At the time, my whole body tension was enormous and I knew that was contributing to my pain, but just thought I needed to find a way to let go of it all.
I was referred to our local musculoskeletal service but any help was pretty non existent and very slow, while my anxiety was going through the roof and I was frantically trying to find something that would help my pain. An MRI showed disc bulges and degenerative changes in a number of areas and I have had private treatment by osteopaths, physiotherapists and chiropractors. I have improved around 50% but am still unable to do many of my normal activities and have a lot of fear of the pain, constantly reviewing what I have done each day and trying to see a correlation, correcting my posture and trying not to “overdo “ it.
I am just starting my journey with TMS and am feeling positive atm. Reading what I have just written it makes perfect sense that this is TMS. I have read John Sarno’s book and have stopped doing my exercises and stretches and cancelled my chiro appointment. I am talking to my brain and trying to just allow the pain to be there but it’s scary! I’m worried about being wrong and ending up back where I began, when I was in terrible pain and felt suicidal, but I’m determined not to give in