Day 39 Meditation

Oh, meditation, you and I don't seem to see eye to eye. I try to focus on my breathing and repeat the word "Peace" over and over, my mantra. But my brain won't slow down. Or maybe it's me telling my brain it can't slow down, there's too much on my to-do list I haven't checked off. Gonna try again, here goes.

 

I know this feeling! So hard to turn off the mental to-do list. The other night I was having serious trouble sleeping, racing thoughts, etc. and told myself "ok just meditate, breathe, that will help". But the more I "tried" the less effect it had. Then when I realized it wasn't helping it made me even more worried.

So I have come to the conclusion that the more I put "pressure" on myself to meditate and see it as a way to "fix" my problems, the less likely it is to help. Maybe just making it an absolute regular thing, that you just do like brushing your teeth, the more effect it will eventually help. Wonder what your thoughts are.

I bought a book "Fully Present" which is really good, tons of information about the benefits of mindfulness, etc and lots of practical tips. They also have some anecdotal stories of people who said "I was a terrible meditator, but I just kept doing it and eventually it just started to click". They say that is somewhat common, so my hope is that if I can make it a regular and pleasurable practice - and not something like taking an aspirin if you have a headache - that it will be beneficial.

 

So, here are my tips to those who struggle to meditate. My wisdom is a product of my own struggle with meditation. I never thought I could master it - until I could.

My rules are very simple:
1. Meditation is your personal, deeply private experience, therefore, any guided meditations do not work for me, unless I am the guide
2. Each person is unique and should make their own rules
3. Check out other people's rules and keep only what works for you, that includes how you sit/stand/lie/walk/run, breathe, count/not count, play music or not etc.
4. TMSers are people with serious anxiety, perfectionism and obsession problems, therefore, they should have as few rules as possible in order to have fewer things to obsess with
5. There is no such thing as a bad meditation or a perfect meditation. Every minute you devote to the randevu with yourself is beneficial, you are simply learning more about yourself. Remember, meditation is an exercise in mindfulness, that's all it is.
6. About 10-15 minutes into meditation, I feel a rise in anxiety. If I stick through it by focusing on my breathing in the easiest possible way (not counting, just breathing), I end up in the true meditative state of mind
7. Rinse and repeat

 

It is very common. Most people in the beginning are lousy at meditation. It's normal, we are used to think extensively and worry (especially as tms-ers) too much. It's not like you sit down to meditate the first times and baaam...you are great, at peace and serene in 5 min. No. It takes time. If you make it a habit, something like twice a day for even 5 -10 min a session it will finally feel much much better. You can try just breathing in and out without repeating "peace". Just start with breathing. Thoughts will come, let them go. They will come again, let them go again and concentrate on breathing in and then breathing out. You can imagine that you are somewhere in nature, you see the mountains around, maybe a lake, green all around you etc. It might help.

I agree with point # 5, in the message above.
I can relax now and feel the benefits of a 5 min meditation as well as an one hour meditation. Sometimes I use guided meditations, but most of the time not. I do it in silence. No music, nothing. Some times I have to do it while people are talking (outside) or in my own house but it's OK. I would rather meditate in silence but if not possible, it's OK with some noises too rather that not meditating at all.

Take care.