New Program Day 6: The Fear Matrix

Realizing fear is at the root of my pain seems a great revelation, and it is. While thinking on it something deeper occurred to me. My environment as a child was not only hostile, it was violent at times. I was not the victim of the violence, but I watched it and feared I would be. A lot ties into that, I know, but the new perspective I came to see is that the fight/flight/freeze response I had, and rightfully so, came to be my innate response to every conflict in my life. Whether verbal, psychological or emotional, I would react as if I was physically in danger. My brain never learned to differentiate. It seems to have grown though out my life to now where I react to almost any stimuli, good or bad, the same way. Constant hyper vigilance, never relaxing. So now I'm repeating to myself throughout the day when I catch myself reacting to anything that is not a physical threat, meaning about everything, "They are just words, thoughts and feelings, I'm safe". Really seems to help.

Thoughts?

 

Pretty much! You're "onto" it (the subconcious). It's running scared and finding another outlet. Like with me, when it's not my knee, it's my back. And when it's not my back, it is a twitching eyelid or a twitching muscle somewhere else in my body.

 

Hi @danielle,

It is so interesting to hear you say this. I am about 15 months into my TMS healing. I am much better but I still have plenty of anxiety and insomnia. I've been digging heavily into my past and I too have wondered when enough is enough. When do you move from past trauma / pain and move to the present / future. It has been very helpful but I wonder if you can develop a negative bias by spending too much time on past pain. It is a fascinating discussion. Thank you for bringing it up.

-AC45

 

Today's lesson, and this reply by Alan above, jibes with an observation I made some years ago: We don't feel safe unless we're afraid of something. That, of course, is an oxymoron which further entangles our brains once you recognize it.

It's not just our individual brains that are wired this way, our whole culture is wired this way! We are constantly being bombarded with messages of fear. Some are well-meaning but frightening "public service announcements" telling us to be alert to a variety of symptoms that may be signs of deadly diseases. Politicians and pundits tell us to be afraid of those other people. And everyone must have the latest safety equipment in our homes, cars, businesses, and athletic venues lest someone get injured or killed in an accident. The list goes on and on.

So along with observing our own internal fear mechanisms as instructed in lesson 5, perhaps we also need to be alert to external fear messages as well.

 

Hi @Char83,

Good question! I keep hearing that we need to tell our brain we are safe. But how to do it beyond "hey brain, you are safe" is tricky and confusing. I try the talking to my brain thing but then I hear that I should "observe" the feeling instead. It is hard to know when to do what.

Thanks for asking the question,
AC45

 

Thats the key..how do you implement safety.. just self talk cant bring safety, safety has to be felt. How do you bring you self to that state of safe mind?

 

Yesterday I listened to a true crime podcast about a young woman who was abducted from the parking lot of a store. Tonight I left a supermarket behind a guy wearing a Hell's Angels leather jacket. I warily watched him start up his motorcycle, trying to memorize the pattern of blue lights on the side, and fearfully continued on to my car, unmolested. I usually don't even need a trigger in the form of a scary man to have these thoughts. It feels like they're part of my psyche for all time.

 

Thanks for relating. Sounds like we are working through some similar questions right now.

Hmm, makes me think of vaccine propaganda...

 

MicheleRenee, Imo, the non-stop thinking about what caused our TMS, what drives it and how it comes and goes is actually what feeds it.
I beat suicidal PN pain just by going on living life and not giving a damn about the pain and it overtime disappeared.. imo what drives TMS is a thought. The more you think about it the more you fuel it.
I think the whole TMS thing works as this:

negative thoughts -> create fear/internal pressure -> those in turn activate the danger signal (fight/flight/freeze) -> Fight or flight create TMS or keep tms symptoms -> those symptoms feed on preoccupation -> preoccupation creates negative thoughts.

Vicious never ending cycle.

Imo that is why balto tells everyone, fuck everything go live the life no matter how bad the pain is. I cannot agree more.. if you think about it, by living life at it's fullest you dont have much time to be "in your head" hence thinking, analyzing, monitoring (creating internal pressure/fear).
That is why my symptoms before discovering Sarno's work would always disappear or drastically reduce when I was out with friends and distracted by a conversation. Because when you are perfectly distracted, you dont feed the above cycle.

 

I had a lot of digestive issues on and off for about 3 years so had exploratory investigations which showed slight hiatus hernia so I was on medication and very scared of the diagnosis ! I now think the symptoms were TMS as I was very stressed at the time- three teenage daughters !,!,ill mother in law , work , husband away every week and dying dog. I did change my diet more salad and vegetables and took digestive supplement to put good bacteria into the gut. Once Problems resolved so did my symptoms. I don't think much about diet anymore.I gave up the medication and now 20 years later my digestive issues are gone They did recur briefly after two more stressful times but then I connected them to my reaction to events . This was long before I ever heard of TMS. Currently my TMS is back related brought on by different but more upsetting events three years ago. Now the problems are resolving naturally ,so are my symptoms and because I have read so much and been helped by those explaining TMS I am much more hopeful I am an anxious person and can see endless possibilities of what could go wrong but am working on this too !! It isn't always easy ! Hope things improve for you very soon

 

Here's my synopsis/understanding of everything so far, in digestible segments: (Let me know if I'm misinterpreting anything)

• As a result of being raised in an actual unsafe environment (or experiencing a trauma, etc), my brain developed a belief that I am not safe and a pattern (bad habit) of scanning for danger (fear thoughts).
• These fear thoughts are my brain trying to identify potential threats.
• In order to keep me alert (a protective mechanism), my brain generates fear thoughts to scare me. This all stems from an ingrained belief that there must be danger around.
• So…the fear thoughts are trying to protect me.

Also:

• Belief in danger causes fear.
• Fear is a fuel for pain.
• Pain is a danger signal.
• Belief that pain is dangerous perpetuates the cycle.

Also:

• My brain doesn’t know there are no lions.
• Most sensed “danger” isn’t real. Once the brain realizes this, the pain and fear will fall away. [Tips to make our brain feel safe are yet to come in this program.]

QUESTIONS:

--> At what point do the fear thoughts make the jump to manifest physically? (as pain or whatever).
-->There are no lions! How can the brain be so smart but so stupid?! (This is sort of rhetorical. but not entirely. Just doesn't seem quite right. I guess we need to access our higher consciousness through meditation.)

 

Somewhat like the oxymoron that @James59 identifies above, the words...

"You’re not scared because you have fear thoughts, your mind generates fear thoughts so that you can be scared."

...breathe into my mind with the brightness of a Zen koan only I am free from contemplation and gifted entirely with insight.

It's hilarious really, to reflect on all the spiritual seeking and TMS psychoarchaeology that has been part of my life for decades. I have great compassion for myself because I see how I was endlessly looking for the cure, the balm, the remedy, the one thing that would bring the deep healing I needed...and here it is.

Like so many here I experienced profound and multiple traumas, each one obliterating my sense (and reality) of safety like a wrecking ball. This program is gifting me with epiphany after epiphany. Lots of tears of recognition and relief. It makes such sense. I am a little Buddha of neuropsychology gaining insight into her sweet original nature. How beautiful it is.

 

I think this is due to personality type and thinking and ruminating over things. If you spend 10 years being afraid of failure or social rejection then you essentially teach your brain to be afraid of it. So it keep being afraid and picks up potentially dangerous things to warn you about because that is apparently what you are after because you have thought and worried about it so much. And in West brain reacts to exams and family reunions the same way as it would react to dangerous animals in jungle. Because that is what we have taught ourselves. At least thats what I think.

 

Hi MicheleRenee,
I agree with you......I think my anger/resentment is my prime emotion which then evolved into serious negative thinking and fear.
Shira

 

oboy...are you ever correct.... I agree with you totally: I would just add that anger/resentment are the basis for the constant negative thoughts, which led to my chronic pain (TMS) and development of fear of the pain.
Shira

negative thoughts -> create fear/internal pressure -> those in turn activate the danger signal (fight/flight/freeze) -> Fight or flight create TMS or keep tms symptoms -> those symptoms feed on preoccupation -> preoccupation creates negative thoughts.

 

Very well said. I think the fact that we arrive in this mortal condition, fear has to manifest. We're going to die. I think Mary Baker Eddy had a point. It's total insanity - this whole realm! That's why I love the matrix video.

 

Thank you very much for your explanation. It helps me to understand my current condition: I am reading Alans New Program, reading the interesting posts, fealing my fear thoughts (our homework), fearing their influence on my condition .... and all this has made my symptomes worse (had a quite horrible night) - my vicious cycle.
(By the way there is some trouble in my life recently, not connected with TMS)

Am I the only one with such difficulties?

 

Its a good sign actually!
If you stop buying into the fear and the symptoms worsen, you have a golden ticket, first: its 100 % TMS.
Second: the primitive brain did not like it that you don't care about the pain.
Eventually the brain will stop giving you pain as the pain does not accomplish the only thing the brain wants; preoccupation.
The thing is, it's so difficult not buying into the fear thoughts when the brain decides to hit you with pain, I seriously suspect it sometimes overtakes my brain and my own thoughts, as if I was no more in control of them lol.
Btw, search for extinction burst behavior, Alan Gordon described it perfectly.