1. Alan has completed the new Pain Recovery Program. To read or share it, use this link: http://go.tmswiki.org/newprogram
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New Program Day 7: Pressure and Criticism

Discussion in 'General Discussion Subforum' started by Alan Gordon LCSW, Jul 18, 2017.

  1. FindingJoy

    FindingJoy New Member

    This has all been so helpful for me! I was having trouble figuring out what I must be repressing so much anger & rage about, but fear, pressure and criticism I totally get.

    I'm wondering if anyone else can identify with me as feeling like this is just the way they are and have always been without having experienced any great trauma? I've always been anxious/a worrier/a planner/a perfectionist. But my parents were supportive without pushing, no abuse, no violence, no depression, nothing I can identify other than that my mother is also anxious. I once remember erasing my school work until I made a hole in the paper because I wanted my writing to be perfect!

    So this makes me feel worse that I have nothing to attribute it to but my very personality. How do I change that??

    Edited to add that I'm not saying that I believe it's better to have experienced trauma, just that it's confusing to me since I haven't. In no way do I want to minimize traumatic experiences other readers may have had.
     
    Last edited: Jul 18, 2017
  2. Scotty

    Scotty New Member

    Yes...I am a person who is in great fear of being criticized. I make sure that I love bomb in order to defuse any chance of critics gaining ammo. I feel that people are always waiting to get onto me. I have spent years making myself admired but feel they really are just full of resentment..The result of all this is recurring bouts of TMS brought on by trivia or minor injuries .. I can always work through it. Right now it is the knee which came on out of no where..I laughed at the Doc who looked at the X-ray and declared it was the most perfect beautiful knee! Of course I felt healed after that ..Today however I'm down and worried .. Hence pain..teaching me again ....
     
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  3. sportychick

    sportychick New Member

    Can you tell me the author of this book? I looked it up an Amazon and couldn't find it. The three P's was what caught my eye: Perfectionism, procrastination and paralysis. That's what I'm stuck in!
     
    linnyc87 and Benjuwa like this.
  4. nicole3

    nicole3 Newcomer

    Thankyou SO much for your time and care to put this new programme up.

    I started my TMS journey 1 year ago now. I've definitely had progress, but still have pain.

    My question is: when starting to really challenge the brain and pain, when I am able to get to that place of knowing this pain is not real and will not hurt me, and I challenge my bully (the pressure and criticism) the feeling state i am left with is anxiety. I experienced this one year ago when I started. Since then I probably haven't really tackled the pain head on again, until now. I know I'm on the right track- yesterday my pain got worse- I assume an extinction burst. Today it's better, and I've just got this stable feeling of anxiety! What is this? I have idea of why I feel anxious?? Is this normal/expected? Is this symptom imperative or is it my unconscious feelings now that they are not masked by pain?

    Is that without physical pain, underneath everything is fear, unconscious fear?
     
    Last edited: Jul 19, 2017
  5. MicheleRenee

    MicheleRenee Peer Supporter

    I often wonder the same things....
     
    caligirlgonegreen likes this.
  6. Bodhigirl

    Bodhigirl Well known member

    I know so many folks with somatic complaints who are just HSPs. Highly Sensitive People.
    We don't need trauma to be anxious.
     
    linnyc87, plum, HeleneCured and 2 others like this.
  7. Bodhigirl

    Bodhigirl Well known member

    Wow. This pressure thing stayed with me! I wakened this morning musing on going down a notch on meds, thinking of others who have gone before me.
    I have already gone down substantially -
    Yet my perfectionist mind wants me to be a Christian Scientist.
    I started plotting to call my doctor and make a plan.
    I got up and wham: aura. Migraine. Didn't even think the thought brought on tension!
    Told the aura to stop. That has never worked.

    I won't put pressure on this. Just respect it's a deeper layer brought on by this discussion. As we study our symptoms and cures together surely the unconscious is stirred up.
    The good news is I seldom get a terrible headache. No drama. Just meditation and leaning into it with curiosity and awe.

    My worrier is intact. She's never leaving. We just need a healthier relationship this morning.
     
    Katya, linnyc87, Amatxu and 1 other person like this.
  8. hambone

    hambone Peer Supporter

    I would say the pain is very real but benign, as Dr. Sarno called it. If Alan is saying the pain is imaginary then he's lost me, but I don't think that's his position.
     
    Salsara18, Benjuwa and Bodhigirl like this.
  9. hsbarry

    hsbarry Peer Supporter

     
  10. Alan Gordon LCSW

    Alan Gordon LCSW TMS Therapist

    This is such a great question. Often people without great trauma feel confused (and sometimes even bad) about the fact that they have symptoms. But trauma is a relative term. As a child, if your survival is dependent on someone who doesn't feel safe in the world, how can you feel completely safe in the world? Having an anxious parent, especially for someone with a sensitive temperament, is certainly enough to bring one's brain to a state of high alert.
     
    Katya, Grimbo, bonsaikitten and 7 others like this.
  11. nicole3

    nicole3 Newcomer

    Hambone you're absolutely right.
    I didn't express that appropriately. I meant to say 'when the pain isn't real' - structurally. As is it's not real in terms of structural, or injury. Always very real in the mind.
     
    caligirlgonegreen likes this.
  12. Bodhigirl

    Bodhigirl Well known member

    Alan, have you ever met a parent who wasn't anxious with a newborn? I doubt any of us had ideal attachment circumstances 24/7 for the first four years of development. Anxiety is the most natural of emotions... and very little in our culture gives a nod toward normalizing this.
    Out community takes great strides.
    We are fortunate.
     
    linnyc87 and chemgirl like this.
  13. FindingJoy

    FindingJoy New Member


    This is interesting for me to contemplate. Surely that my mom always jumps to the worst case scenario first affected me growing up. But I do believe that I was born with a sensitive temperament as you stated. I see this in my own children, who have very different personalities, even since birth. One is anxious, and I think (worry) often about how I may be affecting him, but also understand that much of his personality is innate. I consider it my job to help guide him to be the best "him" that he can be, knowing that he will struggle with some things just based on his personality. Feeling like I have caused anxiety for him, both through nature and nurture, is just another thing that I "feel bad" about...
     
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  14. Cat Lady 13

    Cat Lady 13 New Member

    Am too am like all the other TMSers. I am perfectionist and self critical and put pressure on my self.

    I was explaining to my adult son yesterday how I am trying to be kind to myself which also includes doing what makes me happy. He has the same tendencies which he probably learned from me. It's much easier to be kind to myself and do what makes me happy when I don't have small children to care for. Being a parent puts so much stress and anxiety on anyone. It's very important as a parent to take little moments throughout the day to give yourself a mental hug.
     
    adria likes this.
  15. hudsonhiker

    hudsonhiker New Member

    This makes a lot of sense
     
  16. Dederocks

    Dederocks Newcomer

    I am so thankful that I happened across this site. I am dedicated to it bc I believe it makes complete sense. Neuroscience in action! Thank you so much Alan Gordon!
     
    Salsara18 likes this.
  17. free runner

    free runner Newcomer

    Thank you Alan for this program. It is so amazing how just reading this info is beginning to shift my pain. I had brain cancer 8 years ago and am physically very healthy now,by the Grace of God. I am runner and very healthy, I stopped running due to back pain, then was given Dr. Sarno's book and started running again. Several weeks ago I began have terrible pain in my butt (periforous?) so now I'm digging deeper. When you asked us to just notice our fear, I was astounded. Almost every thought is fear driven. My mind is constantly looking for anything that may mean danger, it is no wonder my body is expressing that fear and anxiety. I love to read everyone's posts and will keep going until I'm running and pain free. Blessings to all.
     
  18. dede

    dede New Member

    My pain is so severe and constant I really struggle with fear!
     
  19. jml19

    jml19 Peer Supporter

    Me too, dede. Some days are better than others, but I literally wake up with fear looming over me. I'm only a few weeks into learning about TMS, so I have great hope about getting rid of this. I am much better than I used to be, but there is more work to be done. In the meantime, I found this article about fear on another thread. I think it's really helpful: http://www.tmswiki.org/forum/threads/understanding-and-overcoming-fear.8574/ (Dr. Schubiner's Blog - Understanding and overcoming fear)
     
  20. Amatxu

    Amatxu New Member

    I agree. I need to keep this really simple for myself. For me, all thoughts are in one of two categories--feel good thoughts and feel bad thoughts. All feel bad thoughts are related to fear. And they fuel my pain.
     
    chemgirl likes this.

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