Desperate due to chronic/disabling anal pain!

Hi there,

Its nice to connect with you again. You helped me out a lot during the toughest times. Whatever you wrote is exactly what I figured. With that said Im totally aware and feel in control. However, the pain wont stop for some reason. I know this is not physical pain and Im trying to tell myself that but it hasnt been helping. Now I’m just panicking thinking what if this another set back that can last years again and those thoughts have been consuming me. I feel so anxious, I mean what do I do? Should I start the TMS journey all over again? Read all the books? I feel like that’s unnecessary since I already have the awareness and knowledge but why would this memory trigger last so long? Im
really trying to laugh it off but low key going crazy here haha

 

So glad to hear I could be of help to you in the past and I concur with Jan....while we don't need to seek out triggers, we also can't avoid them. The solution is maintaining your belief system based on the truth and you own hard won experience and evidence.. revisit some Sarno passages or a a couple of Dan Buglio videos, but ultimately don't be fooled!! I'll share my own story and hopefully it will remove your fear. I had been symptom free in my feet for 5 whole years when suddenly symptoms came raging back. It was after months of lockdown and my autistic son was home from school the entire time. While I thought I was handling this situation pretty well, there was a cumulative effect and my body said otherwise. I did panic initially! I was coaching and felt like a fraud. My thoughts were spiraling but then I got a grip and gave myself a break and permission to be human. By granting myself some compassion , combined with the truth, my brain calmed down and symptoms dissipated over the course of a few days. It was actually a great learning experience for me and it only served to further my confidence! You've got this girl! This too shall pass...it always does!!

 

Thank you so much for the encouraging words. I don’t feel fearful to reread anything. I just wish I didnt come back to this place to begin with to avoid whatever triggered me but I couldn’t help it. When I saw somebody needed help I thought I would come on here to share my experience and here we are haha.

 

hmmm that’s an interesting thought, maybe I felt guilt for being recovered when all this other people were here still desperate for answers. I honestly can’t say what it was but I’m going to reread everything and hope for the best possible outcome. I think I’m still surprised on the power of the human brain after this.

 

Thank you for always being so supportive and encouraging. Also appreciate you sharing your own story and being so raw. This happens to be the toughest period in my life right now maybe that’s contributing to all this. Im mid divorce and in the process of receiving an autism diagnosis for my 28 month old son. My sons autism journey really got the best of me this past year. I can definitely relate on that end with you. My stress levels are at peak which I’m sure is not helping my situation right now. I think I will start with some Sarno and see where it takes me…

 

Hello there,
I just wanted to follow up to see how you are doing. You mentioned reading the post made your pain worse. Well reading this post after 3 years of being pain free has set me back exactly where I was years ago so I can relate there.

 

This post is really interesting to me as there seem to be several people with the exact same pain as me from almost the exact same cause.

After the birth of my baby 10 years ago I was left with a chronic anal fissure that did not heal in 18 months despite nifedipine ointment and Miralax. I had a partial lateral sphincterotomy that healed the fissure but left a abscess that did not heal for about a year, despite being drained 5 times. Finally my second and excellent colorectal surgeon (since retired) used silver nitrate on the wound twice a week for 2 months until it healed. Thank God!

Unfortunately once healed, the pain did not go away. My surgeon said that he did not know why I was still having pain, since everything was healed. He recommended a physical therapist which did not benefit me too much as I was still in so much pain.

About two years later the pain receded enough that the pelvic floor physical therapist was helpful, and a couple of years ago I also had some injections of steroids into the painful muscles on either side of the anus that provided much relief. I'm at about 10% of the pain that I was and am back to a normal life with occasional flare-ups.

However I cannot entirely seem to shake the pain. My physical therapist said that she thought it was largely psychological for me at this point, which brought me via web searching to this forum, where I have lurked for a while.

My pain generally triggers after a bowel movement. It feels like several muscles around the anus go into spasm and don't relax until I go to sleep at night. I wake up feeling fine and then after my morning bowel movement it's a crap-shoot (sorry) as to whether I have pain or not. Weirdly, it often seems to alternate with a pain/no pain pattern on alternating days, but the pattern is not strict.

One interesting thing about my pain is that a small dose of clonazepam completely gets rid of the pain after about an hour or 2. I don't take it too much though as it's terribly addictive. I reserve for times when I really need to be out of pain. Since clonazepam is a strong anti-anxiety drug it seems to me that my anxiety triggers the spasm somehow. Flare-ups tend to happen when I'm stressed, and I'm less likely to have pain on vacation.

Hopeful818's experience is very inspiring since she was able to completely shed the pain until reminded of it by this forum. This seems to prove that it was psychological, as it returned so fast with only a mental trigger. Hopeful818, perhaps you need to block/unsubscribe the forum on your email so that you are not reminded of painful times.

 

This is what I've just come across from Alan Gordon:

"When I was an intern, whenever I talked about how I overcame my symptoms, the pain would return! So I stopped talking about it. After a few months, I realized that I was just feeding into the fear. So I started talking about it again, and it came back, and I didn't care, and then it went away."

I don't think you've made a mistake by returning here to provide support. You shouldn't feel bad about it.

 

Hello, If i do understand it correctly, all i have to do is observe my thoughts and write each of them down, no matter what. But also be aware of the emotions and feelings which arise with These thoughts so i can write the emotions down too ?