Flare up, symptom imperative?

YES, THIS! This is actually the hardest part for me. Learning and working with the TMS concept for 3 years now, I'm seeing that I still have a tendency to rely on others, i.e., really "needing" that TMS diagnosis by a doctor, then "needing" to work with a TMS therapist. I mean, these things are great, but I think I've been putting too much expectation on them, thinking that the TMS doctor or therapist will "cure" me, when in fact, like you say above, it all comes from WITHIN. Hell, I booked a consultation with Steve O. just last night, right after getting off the phone with Dr. G.... so I awoke to this realization. I'm still gonna go through with the consult with Steve, but I'm definitely going to want to discuss my dependence on others for recovery.

Anyhow, thanks for sharing your info. I'm over in NYC, so we're practically neighbors! It's helpful to know we ain't going through this stuff alone. I should mention, also, so as not to discourage, much of the 3 years since learning of TMS have been essentially pain and symptom free. I had a gnarly attack in Dec 2014, got an MRI, did PT and all that jazz. That stuck around for 6+ months, then learned of TMS around June 2015. Did the structured education program on here (if you haven't done, highly recommend it) and I kid you not, my symptoms VANISHED the last day of that program - it was bonkers! I was golden for about 4.5 months, but then a close friend overdosed and died, that coupled with wife's first pregnancy, boom, acute relapse while lifting weights- but not as bad as the first one. I dove into TMS work, did the program on here AGAIN, and tried not to baby the symptoms. That one stuck around for just over 3 months, but I didn't do ANY medical stuff - no doctors, no PT, no medication, nada. That one vanished with the birth of my son, I guess that was enough of a distraction. I was then in good shape for several months, though with the stress and lack of sleep with a new born, I noticed it trying to get my attention. That went on for about 7-8 months, then it just sorta crept back in, but nothing like before - just annoying enough to where I was checking my body, limiting myself on how far I'd walk, how long I'd stand, etc. It was really just more of an annoyance. Dr. Sarno says this is the most common type - the slow onset with no physical trigger. So after a few months of that, I decided it was time to go see a TMS doctor. Went to Dr. Gwozdz out in NJ Dec. 2016, got diagnosis, immediately started feeling better, but not as quick as I wanted, so started seeing a TMS therapist here in Brooklyn. After a few months with her, the symptoms were chill. There were times that they were entirely gone, but if I'm being 100% honest, I still had some lingering fear about doing some physical stuff, I was/am highly conditioned. But that was a solid year of feeling pretty free. Stopped therapy after 14 months, was in a good head space, then some life stuff happened, wife pregnant with kid #2, work stuff, massive self pressure, then this bastard of a flare up... with all new symptoms! You know the rest of the story since then.

So yea, it is a journey and a process. It almost seems like the people that DON'T have relapses are those who are really involved in TMS. Like the TMS doctors, therapists, and people like Steve O, because they are constantly reminded of it, it's their job. I don't know, I'm sure there are other "normies", but my experience thus far is that once the symptoms go away and I'm not doing the "work", it's crept back in. Also gonna go over this idea with Steve.

 

Kevin, I actually grew up in Jersey! Just an interesting side fact, because I've always felt kinship with people from the Tri-state, and so I definitely agree that we're practically neighbors! Not to mention the fact that my symptoms started a few years after my first kid was born, got a little worse after my second kid, then hit me hard after some work changes that included a huge amount of stress. Oh and I'm right around your age (I'm 38), so it's crazy how much we have in common. In my twenties I was a gym rat, but let it all go after I got married and put on a bunch of weight. But it's funny how TMS is truly a gift as Sarno says, I lost all of that weight and have never been physically healthier ironically. Just still in some discomfort.

I'm also highly conditioned, like to a ridiculous extent. I was also caught up in the vicious cycle of looking for help elsewhere (TMS docs, emailing Steve O, Fred Amir, constantly bugging my doctor friend for advice), but it wasn't until I let all of that go that I started making serious progress using concepts in Alan's Pain Recovery Program. I occasionally visit the Wiki for confidence boosts, like the one you posted about your recent MRI.

Steve O wrote in GPD about a friend in Australia that he corresponded with as they healed. I feel like you and I are on a really similar journey here and I'd really like to keep in touch. I think we can both use a friend that understands the journey!