Guilt

how do I get rid of guilt? Most stems from religion, God and punishment. I want to get well. I try to feel my feelings. My feelings are guilt about everything. I think feeling my feelings is getting me all confused with the TMS approach. Please help.

 

You may want to speak with a person who is well versed in the subject. My own two cents is that God forgives. Love your neighbor as yourself. To do this you must honor respect forgive and love yourself. You do not want to love your neighbor in the guilt condescending belittling way you treat yourself.
Steve O speaks of forgiveness .

 

I hear ya mncjl, I always feel like a bad person for not being a better person. I think that's stock & trade for TMS personality. Others chime in with tips for feeling okay about being okay?

 

All humans feel guilt. It is based on childhood conditioning, rather than the things we do, most of the time. Or rather it is the childhood conditioning which triggers/magnifies guilt about so many common life events, including the large events in life. We are not perfect, and we make mistakes, then the guilt arises as a big deal.

Guilt is something to witness and disengage from, not feel into, in my opinion. Noticing it is the first step to witnessing it. Then begin to see it as a familiar old friend, which is troublesome, painful and distracting in its presence, and so repetitive that it is eventually boring. Have compassion when you find yourself feeling guilty, and don't necessarily believe its dreary messages.

 

Thanks Andy. I thought I was suppose to sit with the feeling of guilt. Feeling my feelings. But is is a bad feeling! I will disengage from it!!!!! Wow what a relief.

 

Another way of handling guilt is to think to yourself that you were doing the best you could with the knowledge and experience that you had at the time. If you had known better, then you would have done better. With this type of thinking, it is then easy to have compassion for yourself.

 

But if this was the case would you then be feeling guilt?

My guilt is centered around the fact that even though I knew I was acting in a foolhardy/self absorbed/selfish and immature manner I still carried on regardless and this has had quite severe repercussions for myself and my family and has left me with a lot of guilt to deal with. I feel it quite hard to find compassion for myself when I make the same mistakes over and over.

 

This is what you remind yourself after you feel any type of guilt. After you practice compassion for yourself, guilt will become less of an issue for you. Guilt was created by childhood conditioning. You were not born to feel guilty. It is a learned response.

If you keep making the same mistakes over and over, that means you need more practice to understand how to accept yourself just as you are.

I only healed from TMS when I learned to accept the shadow parts of my personality as much as the traits I adore about myself. If I didn't have the contrasts of the shadow part, I would not experience the good parts of myself. In other words, you would not know what hot was unless you experienced the contrast of cold.

 

If I may, I suspect you are getting confused between the actual rush and experience of an emotion and the labelling, interpreting, thinking part of it.

Emotions are physiological and short-lived. They are embodied. Emotions like guilt and anger feel awful in that moment. After that they lessen and segue into cerebralisations ie. You begin to connect them with people, events, experiences. This is where you make or break them, by your focus. A lot of us get into the habit of spending a lot of time and energy here under the assumption that we are feeling our emotions. We're not. What we are doing, on the positive side, is increasing our emotional awareness and literacy. Our emotional intelligence however may still be that of a garden spade. It is not good or clever to focus on negative experiences or emotions. It makes them stronger. Would you rather wallow in a cesspit or a blue lagoon?

Instead focus on good feelings. Saturate yourself in laughter as if it were sunlight. Nothing puntures negative self-indulgence like a good ole belly laugh. It gives it perspective.

When you see something heartwarming, soak up the details. Fuss dogs. Smile at people. Make silly faces at children when you're stuck in a queue. Stop taking yourself and your life so seriously. The most spiritual affirmation in dealing with your past is "f*** it". There are endless ways of breaking up the turgid, morose bad vibes. It's all gone now and you, lovely shining you, survived. Be proud of that and celebrate the fact that you see that baloney for what it is.

I'm rooting for you kiddo.

Plum

 

Plum

Couldn't have explained it any better, well said.

Ryan

 

Yes, @plum , so very, very well said. Bravo!

 

Awesome awesome awesome. Great post.

 

Great post, Plum. You explain the concept so well.

 

For those of you who are fairly new to the Forum and therefore not familiar with @plum , I suggest going back and reading her past posts. They are a treasure trove of great wisdom and kind support, and always so beautifully written. Enjoy!

 

Ellen, I'm blushing. You are a most excellent friend and supporter. I'm going to pour myself a glass of wine and raise it in your honour. xxx