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This is 100% pure resistance.
It is normal for the mind to increase in anxiety when you do this work. You are challenging every negative construct your mind has created.
The length of any program is not the measure of time to “get well” and perhaps not see “improvements” but you may be looking at “improvements” differently than others do. I see a willingness to actually journal and do the work as an improvement. I see the willingness to meditate or walk in nature etc an improvement over sitting around in pain and complaining nobody will fix you. I see a daily commitment to yourself - showing up for yourself as a huge improvement over being a victim to others and your situation.
The fact you admit you are depressed is a huge improvement to things you’ve written blaming others like TMS coaches for your “lack of improvement” - in which it is obvious there was improvement!
Nobody can solve your mindset concerns and I think this is beyond mindset. Depression is mental health and not just mindset, and yes, I think you are right when you suggest you need help and support with that. It is beyond what most coaches can offer.
Coaches teach you the work and answer questions about it. They are not trained mental health professionals, unless accredited as such.
A trained mental health professional may not know or understand about TMS but can help you with depression and mindset.
Yes, there are people qualified to help you with both coaching and the mental health.
I think what you need to recognize is that the work is not easy. It is hard, uncomfortable and messy. You need to be ok with feeling horrible for now and see that it is temporary - it might take a while, it might not be a straight line of healing but sticking it out is part of the way out.
You make yourself a daily schedule. You do the work, you read some Sarno, maybe some Claire Weekes (big help with depression and mindset), you meditate go for a walk or do whatever it is to get you out of your head daily.
Even if it feels like you aren’t “succeeding” you realize this is practice - just do it. This is for yourself. To show yourself you are there for you and your own biggest support. There will be days you don’t want to do this. Do it anyway. Make yourself do it. Have an “evidence” list or a a success list (whatever you want to call it) and write on it “did it anyway when did not want to” - which is a success and improvement, it is a stand against your resistance. And when you do the work for a week straight you can write “willing to be there for self”. When you can turn away from one negative thought you can write “can do this, one step at a time”, and when you can journal honestly one day about your anger and resentment about feeling you aren’t succeeding, you write it down on that list. If you can actually feel the rage and emotion you write it down. Write down every time you are willing to try a quiet walk in as much nature as you can find (no phones!) or meditate or whatever you do.. write it down.

You simultaneously do the work of emotions, mindset and chilling out your nervous system. Everyday.

 

I journalled straight for 3 months. It did nothing but rehash the past. At some point you have ti learn the past is the past and dont keep going over it. I dont think journallint was ever meant to be somethint yiu had to do for years daily. When u are reaching no resolution. Its a tool. A tool to help you see what your issues are. Thats it. And I was willing I did that. Over and over again.
At the end of the day most of this is about mindset. How you have learnt to think and feel based on life experience and how u intend to change that.
My trouble is being able to access the new state I want to be in. Thanks to my old patterns.
I went back to living life and ignoring the synptoms.
I've done the breathing and the meditating.
I've done the somatic tracking.

At some point you have to come to the conclusion that it is mindset.

If you do the work but keeo thinking the same crao thoughts thats a problem.

Sure you can become aware with these tools.

But awareness is just the start.

I've done a lot of digging. I wpuldnt call that resistance. I have actively participated in programmes and methods.

But part of me resists. But not the concious part. The part that doesnt want change. And thats what I want helo navigating. Getting past the resistance.
If I was resistant I wouldn't have journalled and poured my heart out. If I was resistant I wouldnt have asked for help.

But my ego is controlling. It thinks control is safe. It doesnt trust easy because its been let down. It doesnt feel supported because its happened to many times before.

So im aware of my oatterns. I've put in the work. I wanted someone to help me overcome the barrier of the resistance of my ego.

Im not depressed im scared.

Its a fine line to travel with this work. To not control and fix but not sit and do nothing.

Other people can and have got well quite fast. Maybe some dont get better fast because they are continuously living in the past.

 

Given all the things you have done how about trying Dan Buglio. He knows his stuff, does not emphasise much on journaling or digging into the past or meditation but has had good results. I know he has group sessions which are v useful & not too expensive.
All the best!

 

Thank you. Yes ive watched dan for quite a while. I like him. But he doesnt know much about anxiety which is sad.
They make it sound easy dint they like belief is just a decision you make. Erm.... how lol

 

Journaling past traumatic events has actually been shown to benefit your health, not keep you sick. https://www.apa.org/topics/trauma/writing-benefits . It's also Sarnos basic theory that you are repressing negative emotions and have symptoms to bring your attention away from them.

 

Yes i understand that but ive done it over snd over. Its not like I did it once snd stopped. Snd i made sure I felt it all. So clearly it doesnt work for everyone

 

Then make a different choice. You choose not to journal. So what are you going to do to feel the anger and emotion on a daily basis. Every day for the rest of your life. Not just for three months.
Three months is the beginning, not the ending.

 

My question would be why are you constantly angry? Maybe your perception of life needs to chsnge so you aren't constantly enraged. You shouldn't need to vomit everyday to be happy.

I have expressed my rage and my fear.

Don't worry. This forum is clearly addicted to joirnalling being the only method.
Although if you read sarno he never said to journal forever and ever.

Its about changing your thoughts your emotions and your mindset.

 

You have angry responses. You cannot feel that? Sarno said it's not possible to get rid of your anger but just to feel it.

Also - 3 months is a drop in the bucket depending on how long you've had symptoms for. If you've only had symptoms for a few years then there are plenty of people who get better in that time but if you've had symptoms for decades then 3 months isn't nearly enough time.

 

Are you symptom free? From journalling?

 

I'm symptom free but I did a ton of stuff and I don't think you need to journal to get better. I was putting more emphasis on how it's a good thing when bad feelings come up because that was Sarnos whole theory. I journaled for 3 years though.

 

Wow. I csnt imagine joirnalling for 3 years. I dint think its the rught tool for everyone. And I gsve it a fair crack.

I know its unhelpful thought patterns and a defensive mind.which is shy I was looking fir suggestions fir that in particular

 

I had a therapist for a few years to help me also for that reason of getting an outside perspective of my thought patterns. She didn't believe in TMS whatsoever but she had hardly any symptoms so I wanted to see how her mind worked. That and I'd rage about the job I was working at at the time. But I learned she didn't hold in anger like I did in fear of repercussions.

 

This is beautiful, and I totally agree.

 

Interesting.

I can aee my patterns clearly. I even see them play out. Thats,what i wanted help with.at this point keep joirnalling will just reinforce the issue.

Clearly this forum isn't equipped fir all answers thiugh.because even in other areas of this forum alan gordon himself,says journalling is not needed

 

There isn't really anything that is needed on its own aside from the knowledge that your symptoms are from your brain and are reversible. There are many things you can do to release emotion, become more aware of your emotion, retrain your brain. Some people don't do any emotional work and get better. Neuroscientists and TMS doctors pose a bunch of different methods that have gotten people better. Success stories also have different ways of to reach recovery. Considering the amount of success stories on this forum and the amount you actually need to know to get better (could probably cover everything you've ever heard in 10 minutes) I'd say there is much more than enough information just on this forum alone to recover. But it's good to learn from other sources so it sinks into your head that this stuff has cured people of all different things and has the potential to cure you.

 

I think rhats the problem. So many different methods does cauae overwhelm for some.

I lnow where im stuck. I just wanted some guidance on how to get round it as I dont see many people talk about it.

But I can see that maybe this forum isn't able to assist.

I had just hoped someone had worked with someone who had helped with a similar problem

 

What was wrong with Dan Buglio? He doesn't care for journaling at all.

 

There's nothing wrong with him. I just hoped for someone who could help me unstick my sticking thinking

 

Calm, I highly recommend this book: Feeling Good, by David Burns. It changed my life and my thinking.