I was journaling on a personality trait and chose 'goodism'. (so many to choose from!) It was a dialogue between me and myself about this. We ended up agreeing that I didn't know how to say 'NO' to people - unless I had a reason. TMS is a reason - I can see that. I have used my illness/disability to get out of doing stuff I did not want to do - but could not otherwise of said 'no'. For instance if asked to look after a relatives child - if I was not occupied for the time they wanted me to babysit, how could I just say 'No , I don't want to'. It would sound mean. In fact it would be mean. If they cannot do something because they have no childcare, and I am available and capable of looking after the child, but say no, surely that is mean? This is a situation I have been in many times over the years. I have looked after kids (love 'em to bits - but not all the time) and exhausted my self, ending up iller and in more pain. I can see the TMS pattern in that, but I still cannot see how I can say no without actually being mean... It is also family 'events' etc, when you really don't want to go - but they say they will reschedule when you ARE available - so you can't ever get out of it... How do other people deal with this? What can you suggest?