Is TMS really that smart?

I can only second what @Cactusflower said. You need to start with any of the programs recommended on this website and see which one would work for you. Considering how rattled your nervous system is, you should approach it from two sides, by doing the emotional work to recover from childhood trauma but also by bringing the stress of your nervous system down a notch. There is no better recipe for the latter than meditation. I was extremely skeptical about it - until I tried to do it diligently for several months. The main thing is - do not be afraid of your emotions, they are nothing but a flush of hormones through your body, the sooner you learn how to process them, the less your fear would dominate your life.