My TMS Success Story (anxiety, tinnitus, skin crawling, back pain)

That is such great advice. Makes me think of things differently. Thank you. I'm going to check out that book too.

 

Hi JayB, Thank you for answering my question about the meditation practice. I love, love, love Jon Kabat-Zinn. I read Mindfulness through Depression a while back. I found this book when I was looking for something on anxiety. It seemed so well put together (plus it had a CD with guided meditations!), so I got it anyway and it was my first step in getting to know mindfulness.

I really like what you say about meditating as a daily thing you do, like brushing your teeth. I would never think of going to bed without brushing my teeth and flossing, so why not see meditation in the same light? It's a very powerful way to look at it.

Just like with running, I am going to start out small because in the past I tried meditating for the suggested amount of time, and it never "took". When I started running, I started with vigorous walking, and then added 1 minute of running, and added and added, very slowly, until I got to my current amount of time 25min. which is just right for me. I can do that with meditating. Just start with 3-5 minutes, and check in with myself, which I'm already doing since Alan G. suggested it. I can easily remember to check in with myself when I visit the bathroom during a work day. I can take a moment with myself and see how my breath is, and how I feel. But from there I'd like to establish a little routine of coming home, changing, and sitting with myself for a little bit to check in more formally. I think this is something I can build on if I can allow myself to do it as part of a self-care routine when I come home. I've started it already and I'm being mindful of not getting down on myself on the days I forget.

I also checked out Present over Perfect. I looked on Amazon and read some of the reviews. Amazon also allowed me to see inside the book and I stumbled on a part that has already stayed with me and I keep thinking about. The idea that every yes you say has a no with it. When we say yes, yes, yes to others, we think we're only living on the "plus" side of the universe, being "positive", saying yes, but the truth is that every yes is always accompanied by a no (it makes sense to me because of physics - every action has an equal and opposite reaction). The book explains that we may think we're only saying yes, but we shouldn't kid ourselves because we're saying no to someone, and it's probably us we're saying no to. We may be saying yes to the person who's asking for a favor, let's say, but then we're likely saying no to ourselves, no to whatever plan we're canceling so we can do the favor, or no to our own comfort, or no to something we needed to get done but aren't anymore because we said yes to someone else. This is really really powerful to me, and I keep thinking about it when I say yes to someone. It has helped me, already, say choose to put that yes toward me than toward the other person. I see it as self-care. I also see it as living in a more truthful authentic way. That way, when I say yes to someone, it is a "real" yes where I give with a full heart.

Thank you so much JayB. This conversation has been hugely helpful to me.

 

Sorry to write again but I was re-reading your initial post, JayB, and you talk about TV shows upsetting you in the past. I find that to be the case right now for me. Did that change for you as you started making progress with TMS? My anxiety is in a good place this week, but I was surprised today that I just couldn't stomach certain shows that my spouse and I sometimes watch together .. too violent, or dealing with things like terrorists or crime. I just can't seem to deal with those anymore. I do think that like you I need to slow down in my life. I keep saying it but don't seem to be able to slow down enough, or maybe I'm not slowing down in teh areas that matter. How are you doing with TV shows or movies nowadays? Or loud noises all together? I walk to work and have to wear ear plugs because the motorbikes here are insanely loud and it's overwhelming (I live in South East Asia currently and everyone and their grandma has a loud motorbike).

 

Hi JayB, did you finally overcome your tinnitus?

 

OMG. Again like others i feel this is my story. Most of the success stories seem exactly the same. You get so low with pain you will do anything then you realise after reading one of the texts Sarno et all, its a mind body issue. Then you see yourself and have to slow down say no and retrain re condition your brain. I thought i was intelligent and now all along i failed to recognise my anxiety till it got so bad. I'm now recovering symptoms getting better but not completely. Reading these stories have and are helping me so much to gain insight. Its prob easy to sum up in a word, burnout. However i never knew deep anxiety could cause so many symptoms. I had deep gluteal pain burning feet legs paranthesia on back screaming migraines all from Tension and Stress with issues i thought i could handle and was not doing so. I thank you all for posting and hopefully will soon be able to do likewise.

 

HB. I am the same with sad or aggressive Tv shows movies. Even Bambi! I was previously a senior Police Manager i am not adverse to lifes issues but during my worst phase i just could not handle my emotions. So rather than deal with them watching movies that would elicit emotions i avoided them. After talking with my partner i now watch them feel the motions and let them flood out. I really find this cathartic now. Not just progs everything thats upsetting if i feel it i just let it feel then be sad then i get instantly better. I obs spent thirty years suppressing emotions and was never confident in doing so. Now i do't care. I realise im in much less pain for doing so.

 

You're not alone jimmylaw9! I totally connect with what you're saying about not realizing that things are overwhelming until you have a ton of symptoms. My body has gotten very good at sounding the alarm, even with TMS equivalents that I thought I had championed already. They flare up when I feel stressed, overwhelmed or burnt out. I'm in a place in my life when I no longer get mad at it appearing (even though it's annoying). I just see it as an alarm going on that my life is out of balance and I try to focus on self-care, self-care and more self-care. You can never go wrong when you take care of yourself. My aim is to be less judgemental and more compassionate with myself, no matter what comes up in my body. This seems to help a great deal to getting myself back in a more peaceful mental state, which helps me make choices that prioritize my needs. I think it's really significant that you're gaining so much insight and are seeing the connection of the tension and stress in your life with all your TMS symptoms. There's no question you're on you're well on your way to healing. Take good care of yourself!

 

It's been a few years and I wanted to give an update on my progress, hopefully to inspire others who are in the thick of it.

In 2017, I had been maintaining weekly therapy appointments and doing my meditations and other calming rituals. But I was also having some personal upheavals that were causing me to have almost daily emotional breakdowns. I went to my therapist, at the end of my rope. I felt like I couldn't hold it together any longer. He suggested I give medication another try. (I had tried various antidepressants over the years, for both depression and anxiety. I felt they helped for depression but not for my anxiety.) I went to see a new psychiatrist, we talked for a bit and he put me on 20mg of Citalopram.

My life changed after going on that prescription.

The first week was tough. My anxiety symptoms increased temporarily, but I was told that I would just have to ride it out. It was true. Within a week, the increased symptoms were gone, and within a month my anxiety had decreased significantly.

Cut to present day, two years later. My life is completely different and wonderful. Overall, my physical symptoms are gone and I am leading a completely normal, happy, full life. I am still on the prescription, but only because my life is still very transitional. I still have tinnitus, but I rarely think of it. (Maybe a few times a week, instead of a hundred times a day.)

I am so thankful for the peace and calm in my life. You must create this environment for yourself if you want to succeed. You have to say no to the things you don't want to do. You have to stay calm when people try to get a rise out of you. You have to maintain your cool in traffic. You have to spend time, just being with yourself, not glued to a screen. I had never traveled by myself in my life. Last summer, I went to Thailand for a month and every day I just worked out, did yoga, ate healthy food, went to the beach, and buzzed around the island on my scooter. It was the happiest I have ever been in my life and the best decision I ever made. Even if you can't drop out for your life for that long, you can find time to go to the mountains, to the beach, to a park...and just be with yourself.

I know I am susceptible to anxiety. Therefore, I know it's my job to stay vigilant in keeping it at bay.

 

Wow man thank you so much for this. I’m at work right now reading this and I’m tearing up. I feel like everything your saying is exactly how I feel and how my brain is wired. I’m going to follow your lead and work on myself and make changes.

 

I know this is an old post but it’s like I wrote it myself. I’m Jay V so even close to Jay B, lol. Been dealing with tinnitus and what feels like Eustachian tube dysfunction but do feel it’s TMS related because it started with a health issue that blindsided me and now have to take some medication for. It’s the fear of medication and since starting it my symptoms started. Of course if I stop the medication I start to feel better because my mind says the “danger” is over.

I’ve had TMS induced back pain several years back on two separate occasions so know a bit how TMS sneaks up on you.

I too have spent all day, every day reading about my situation, stressing and being anxious about it. It’s all I think about lately. I have stopped quite a bit looking on the internet for every little piece of information on it because it can get depressing with all the negative stories.

Ignoring the situation when it’s in your head, literally and figuratively, is tough. I hear the buzzing all the time and can live with that but what feels like the Eustachian tubes is tough to deal with even though my ears are generally fine.

I have to work on knowing the discomfort is there but not freaking out over it. I’ve gone from being depressed over it to very anxious to now mad at it.

Thank you for your story and insight.