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I suggest writing about it. Anger is under all of this.

 

I only answer yes to 1 of the ACE questions. But thank you

 

I understand

 

Is there a reason anxiety becomes higher whilst doing this work?

 

I've just been journalling about the traumatic health scare AGAIN and cried a whole lot AGAIN. I would not call that procrastination.
I am just trying to understand the process. I thought anxiety may start once pain resolved. Not have it on tip of. Just trying to understand it

 

How funny.
The last few weeks I've started going out more. Something I avoided when the sensations started.
And this week I have decided to go back to my hobby of drawing. Which involves sitting of course and concentration.
This has caused anxiety and my mood to generally sky rocket.
I'm assuming because I'm doing something else other than Google my problems little me has decided it needs to get my attention in the mind rather than just the body. Maybe. Maybe not. Just a thought

 

Yes it can be that. Your brain screaming a false alarm that this is hobby or this action is danger. It's done a good job of making you avoid it, right? It wants you to stay scared. It's a false alarm.

Next time you're drawing - shift your mind to thinking psychologically. What you are thinking about when you are drawing. I have caught myself ruminating over the past or future - the type-T personality as Ozanich says - and had an increase in symptoms - once I shift focus to my brain, I realize I have been ruminating, worrying, and focus my attention back to the present, the symptoms disappearing - TMS is a teacher, teach the brain. Dig deep to understand why you operate a certain way, your habits, etc, this will be the work you will begin to change those habits. Dig in.

 

I've already noticed how much I criticize myself. I am now catching myself and don't allow myself to do so.
I've noticed how much I normally gossip at work. I've noticed actually that I don't like doing it so have stopped engaging with gossip especially with a certain person who constantly wants to be mean about people behind their backs.
I've noticed that I work with people that moan all the time and try to drag me into thier drama. I have now been not engaging with thier negativity and not taking on others problems.
I've noticed I people please. I need to be liked and so I over perform at my job to be appreciated. I have stopped pushing myself. I normally multi task. I no longer will. I deliberately finish one job before starting the next one even if people are piling things on me.

My main problem....... my need to control things. I hate not being in control. And TMS definatly makes your feel not in control

 

Why do you need to control things, why do you hate not being in control, why do you people please. You don't have to tell us. These are questions you can journal or reflect about to discover more about your self, your childhood, where it came from.

 

You’re doing so well! You are amazing for not giving up

 

Because if I'm not in control then bad things may happen. I don't like the unknown. I like to fully understand everything. It's like I feel like if I can control situations I can control the outcome. When infact control is just an illusion.
Just as I'm trying to control this process. I don't understand it which frustrates me and which makes me feel out of control and it I don't know HOW I feel out of control and if I can't control I don't know HOW to get better.

 

If one has removed doubt about it being a structural issue this is great.
However what does one do about the fears and doubts they have around their own brains?
I could see this being a sticky point for me

 

What doubts do you have about the brain?

If you think your brain is damaged in some way or perpetually stuck into a mode you don’t like I think you’d love to read the book “The brain that changes itself” by Norman Doige. It’s all about how malleable the brain is. (Full disclosure, haven’t read it, it’s on the tbr-pile, but have heard lots of good things about it)

 

Well people say you don't need to fix yourself there's nothing wrong with you. But I keep thinking there must be something wrong with my brain. That needs fixing.
People say trauma gets stuck etc etc etc. How the hell do u get better then if everything's stuck

 

With time and work, my friend. ❤️

 

Well, it's just semantics. The brain is functioning well in the sense it's keeping you far from perceived danger, but at the same time is making you feel unnecessary symptoms. I try not to think in terms of right or wrong, it just brought me confusion and frustration.