Sitting pain

@Sarah89
This is the way to heal.
To be truthful about the hurts, which are many.
I will ask if you had childhood abandonments or fears of it, too? Maybe not, but often all these types of events hark back to how we learned to handle this type of stress.
My personal suggestion is that you may need some psychotherapy to deal with what is probably complex and heavy emotions that you had to repress to get on with the next stressor that came, and then more again.
Know that you have been so strong to deal with all this but it is so much, probably too much for one person. I did some psychotherapy with someone who practiced in the mind/body field but not TMS work, while I did TMS work on my own. It might be of great comfort not carrying this burden alone.

 

Thank you so much.
As a child I was bullied a lot. My family life was wonderful but my school life was not. By journalling I have learnt a lot about myself.
I have learnt I'm controlling and think if I can control things I won't be disappointed or hurt or nothing bad will happen. Of course this is not true amd putting so much pressure on myself to control everything does nothing but pressure myself and cause exhaustion.

 

@Sarah89
I'm not saying this to make it into a kind of competition as to who has had the worst life experiences or to any way belittle what you have now shared with us, but here's a list of some of the trauma I went through in my life leading up to and during experiencing TMS, TMS symptoms that made me bedridden for 4 months on one occasion, 3 months on another occasion and 7 months on another occasion and, when I wasn't bed bound, being virtually house bound and needing to use a wheelchair to get around...

• Picked on and bullied at junior school by my class teacher.
• Bullied by fellow pupils at my senior school.
• My first job was in an all male environment (I'm female) and it was full of covert sexism and deliberate attempts to make me the 'fall guy' for when anything went wrong.
• A narcissistic mother and father who didn't love me - I comforted myself with comfort/binge eating from when I was around 6 or 7 years old, which made me fat and I hated myself for getting into such a state. I received no help for my eating disorder which lasted well into my adult years.
• A long-term boyfriend who also turned out to also be a narcissist (nobody educates you about the narcissists and sociopaths in society, so I had no idea about gaslighting and other tricks that they get up to get their kicks).
• My first husband lost his job and we struggled to survive on just my wage; he lost his job at a time of a deep depression in my country and I constantly worried how we were going to pay the rent, feed ourselves etc.
• My first marriage failed (not anyone's fault but nevertheless it was very sad and distressing).
• An extremely stressful job which wasn't that stressful at first but they got rid of staff to save money and basically I ended up doing 3 people's jobs, and 4 people's jobs when my boss went on leave... it wasn't easy to change jobs as I needed a certain level of wage to support myself.
• My parents both died within a year of each other - I didn't have the usual kind of grief because they were narcissists and they didn't love me, but nevertheless I felt a deep and heavy sadness, and on top of that I had to deal with all the paperwork concerning their affairs - all whilst suffering profound TMS symptoms.
• I have a tumour which is so far benign but has to be monitored to check that it's not showing signs of becoming cancerous and if it were to become cancerous or if it were to grow much bigger, I will need major, complex surgery at a specialist hospital.
• I was told by a heart specialist that I'd had a heart attack but it turned out that I hadn't; the latter was good news of course, but I lived with this erroneous advice for a number of months and had the stress, and risked the side effects of having unnecessary invasive tests, all because the specialist had made a mistake.
• I have some profound health problems which are not TMS that I have to cope with on a daily basis.
• One of my closest friends committed suicide - he was a diagnosed manic depressive but had told no one, not even his family, about his mental health and none of us suspected that there was anything wrong.

And there's yet more, to include life hassles currently going on (no one is ever free of life hassles, but you can be pain and symptom free despite having to experience them)... but I'll stop there and make my point...

And my point is that if I can go from being bedridden and needing a wheelchair to now being able to walk, potter around my house and go out when I need to without always having to use a wheelchair, then you can recover from sitting pain. In fact, I had sitting pain, severe sitting pain actually - in my vagina and up my anus plus coccydynia (tailbone pain), but I didn't mention this to you before because it seemed that you would likely only be interested in hearing from someone who had the exact same symptoms as yours (as is typical of we TMSers)... And trying to find someone who has recovered from TMS who had exactly the same symptoms as we are experiencing in order to prove to ourselves that our symptoms are TMS, is a rabbit hole... whether it's sitting pain or migraine headaches or whatever, it can all be TMS, the brain can create all manner of symptoms, but I think (hopefully) you have accepted that now.

You are tying yourself up in knots.

I can't know exactly what is going on with your particular brain, but what I can say is this...

Whether your TMSing brain is continuing to give you sitting pain to distract you from something (perhaps something you are not consciously aware of at the moment or stuff that's going on in your life that you're telling yourself you're okay with, but you're not really okay with) or whether it's continuing to do it because you're fearing the pain, or whether you're continuing to experience it due to a conditioned response, the answer is always about making your subconscious mind/brain feel safe. (Even if it's a conditioned response, the brain has equated sitting with pain, and pain is essentially an alarm that something is unsafe). And even when it's a case of the TMSing brain not wanting you to realise that you are angry/enraged, it's about your brain not wanting you to express that rage through fear of you acting out your anger because one's safety is compromised if one were to do something that one's family or society does not approve of. The brain doesn't want us cast out because there's safety in numbers; we are tribal.

The advice and suggestions that I have already posted to you on this thread still stand. I will add, however, about Sarno suggesting to self-soothe, which he wrote in The Mindbody Prescription, as follows:

"Suppose, however, there is another element in the equation; that it is not simply the quantity of rage that brings on symptoms, but the presence or absence of counterbalancing soothing factors … the occurrence of symptoms reflects too much rage and not enough counteracting soothing elements in one’s life."

If/when you self-soothe be sure to do so without focussing on any particular TMS symptom (otherwise your TMSing brain might take it that you're believing that there is actually something physically wrong with you, e.g. your butt, and that you're not safe).

I've found the ideas in this book wonderful in helping me self-soothe: https://www.amazon.com/101-Ways-Fin...hqVZ9OWv5ty7GXFFva71pJ4&qid=1728834014&sr=8-1

 

This!

Something that I noticed on this forum is very significant. Those who are looking for the explanation why it would be impossible for them to heal, never heal.

 

Thank you. I only mentioned the things in the year leading to the pain. I believe I've had tms longer but with other symptoms. I could list the other things but as you say really it's irrelevant.
I thought I wouldjust share so you could maybe understand me a bit better

 

Can I check I'm getting this right?
So regardless of the reason I'm having pain the one key factor is this. My brain does not yet feel safe. So regardless of the why the doing is still the same. Cultivate a feeling of safety and hopefully what would follow would be acceptance which would lead to indifference which hopefully would lead to pain leaving.
In a nutshell? Lol

 

Absolutely yes. You got it!

 

OK so
. Believe I'm already OK
. Don't look for the why
. Learn to self soothe and try not to panic
. Accept this is how it is (for now)

 

I would say looking for the why (aka smoking gun) works for some - that's classic Sarno. It didn't work for me. My "why" was my anxiety and fear, but I never found a specific trigger that turned on my horrific pain.

 

Well I think I found the trigger but I've journalled cried and accepted it and it hadn't made the slightest bit of difference so I think even if that's why I originally came on I've become so stressed by the pain itself it no longer matters what to turned it on if that makes sense

 

Read every post on this thread many times every day, absorb, think, accept.

 

But would you say I'm getting it?

 

Conceptually-yes. But it takes time and effort for this to become part of you.

 

As @TG957 says - yes - exactly! And I also agree with everything else that @TG957 has written to you on this thread.

 

I don't just have sit pain. When I walk the longer I walk the more my back hurts until I can't move and want to throw up.

 

Have you tried sitting for brief periods of time and then standing up and walking around a little? Then, try sitting again. Breaking the programmed pain pattern gradually seems like a way of deprogramming any behavior that's become programmed in your central nervous system. A little bit at a time.

 

The problem is any pressure on my buttocks hurts. So even laying hurts. And standing and walking hurts my back

 

Put your body in the position that hurts you the least. Close your eyes. Take some slow breaths.

Then for a while - but even if it's only for 2 minutes or less or whatever - visualise/imagine yourself walking and/or sitting and/or standing without any problems whatsoever (no pain, no numbness, no nausea etc). Do this as if you are on the outside of your body looking in.

Then do the same thing again but this time feel and visualise walking and/or sitting and/or standing without any problems whatsoever from the inside of you, i.e. from and in your mind's eye.

Make a practice of doing this many or at least several times a day (even once a day is better than nothing).

It's a case of 'you versus your TMSing subconscious brain', so if and whenever it pulls your attention away from what you're doing, with pain or whatever (to include thoughts such as 'I don't want to be doing this', 'this'll never work', 'it's not fair that I'm having to do this') respond by gently going back to doing your visualisations of being symptoms free. (And, everyone can remember what it was like to be symptom free, no matter how long they have had TMS symptoms or how profound those symptoms are, so there are no excuses, even though your TMSing brain may try telling you different.)

Doing this regularly, coupled with some self-soothing, and with patience and quiet determination, enabled me to recover from being bedridden and housebound with TMS symptoms and to lose other TMS symptoms too that weren't making me bedridden/housebound. I ached and hurt all over and was constantly in pain. I had sitting pain, ankle, thigh and pelvic pain, buttock pain and numbness, lower and upper back pain, neck, shoulder, wrist and hand pain, tinnitus, nausea, dizziness, headaches, excruciatingly painful muscle spasms that twisted and torqued my pelvis out of line -- you name it and I will more than probably have suffered from it at some point on my TMS 'journey'! So, doing as I've described above will help towards losing any kind of TMS symptoms, no matter how long you've had them or how severe they are, so again, there are no excuses, even though your TMSing brain may try telling you different.

There are no 'special cases' or exceptions - not unless perhaps one is in a coma or cataplectic - everyone and I mean everyone - and that includes you - who experiences TMS symptoms can lose their symptoms. Yes, it's an absolute bummer that it's our own brain that's creating the symptoms, but we didn't do that intentionally and the good news - and it is 'good' news even if you currently don't want to view it that way because it can take a lot of work and no one can give you a timescale - is that we can stop our brain TMSing and recover.

A 'woe is me' kind of attitude and railing against the symptoms and despairing because you don't know exactly when the symptoms will dissipate is understandable but it will not help you one iota - it certainly didn't help me; it kept me bedridden.

I started off being a 'woe is me', bemoaning my plight, apathetic, 'it's all too hard', 'I'm pissed off that I did this to myself', 'life's not fair'' wimp, but eventually I stopped throwing my inner child-like "it's not fair" tantrums, 'put my big girl pants on' and stopped searching and wishing for a magic wand or the quick 'silver bullet' that do not exist. I faced up to the reality of the situation, continued to do TMS work (you've already had all of the choices regarding this laid out in detail before you on this thread) and became my own 'hero' (for want of a better way of putting it). If I can do it, anyone can because, believe me, I am nothing special.

@TG957 is a TMS/CRPS (Complex Regional Pain Syndrome) hero (as are all the people who have bothered to write their TMS success/recovery stories on the success stories forum in order to help and inspire others) and I've already recommended you read @TG957's book - because as I said before, it's inspirational. Be inspired by her journey. In the immortal words of Mariah Carey's some might say 'cheesy' but nevertheless powerful song - "a hero lies in you"!

This is @TG957's book https://www.amazon.com/Defying-Verd...BO1hxx-Ewb5IEaaOnRTjjm4&qid=1728996090&sr=8-1 (and, no, I'm not on commission! lol)

I'm going to 'unwatch' this thread now because I don't have anything else to add to what I and others have already advised and suggested to you with a lot of thought, care and detail.

 

I have two comments about this. Before that, I will introduce myself by saying I am an old guy who has been successful in completely overcoming more than half a century of one kind or another of TMS. For decades, I was a Dr. Sarno disciple with considerable success, except I was plagued by what he called the symptom imperative (i.e., when you get rid of one chronic pain symptom, a new one comes along). More recently, I have been influenced by Dr. Howard Schubiner and pain neuroscientist Lorimer Moseley, among others but I mention them because they are into the new, new thing in pain science and cognitive science called predictive processing that I think is going to be the future cornerstone for treating TMS. I no longer have any symptom imperative issue. I can’t remember the last time I had any kind of chronic pain, but it has been at least six years.

Now for my two comments.

First, not everyone is the same when it comes to what Sarno called TMS and its equivalents (and Schubiner calls PPD). There is no single fix for that. Here is what Schubiner said about it in a book he coauthored with ISTDP psychiatrist Allan Abbass: “Each patient with psychophyiologic disorders, or PPD, presents with a unique combination of symptoms, histories of adverse life events, reactions to their symptoms, and current life situations. Because of this, PPD can be caused by anything from more easily accessible behavioral, cognitive, and interpersonal factors to more deeply rooted unconscious emotional factors . . . .”

Second, I think Schubiner made a brilliant all-encompassing statement when he once observed that to recover from PPD, a person needs (1) an explanation for what is wrong that he or she trusts is correct, (2) a technique to fix what is wrong that he or she trusts is the way to fix it , and (3) hope and optimism that he or she will be able to carry out the technique. I am only guessing, of course, but I wonder if you might have a ways go regarding each of those things. I am not trying to be unkind, but rather I wonder if it would help if you try to focus on those things as you try to resolve your TMS problem. No commenter on this forum is going to be able give you the correct explanation for what is wrong in your case, let alone the other two elements needed for success. That is something you have to figure out yourself--or get help from a trained TMS professional whom you trust knows what he or she is talking about. The book that Abbass and Schubiner wrote is a manual to teach healthcare clinicians how to treat PPD. Here is what they wrote in concluding the introductory chapter: “As a foundation for this clinical work, creating trust with your patient is always key. . . . Such a therapeutic relationship with your patient is a necessary ingredient for success at each step.” (To be clear given that I cited the Abbass and Schubiner manual, I am not a clinician. The only “patient” I have ever treated for TMS is myself.)

 

This has left me confused