Story of a Life spent with anxiety to be ill - need for change

Thank you so much! I feel deeply touched by your wonderful and compassionate remarks and advices. What you, Lainey say about breaking the bad cycle is so important. Being compassionate to myself, yes, I need to learn this, untanledweb. And of course Plum, wise, to the point and full of understanding as ever!
Right now I am lying in my bed and I cannot fall asleep. This stomach thing is still not over, sometimes it feels more like something in the back (that’s why I thought it could be something with the pancreas). But I had the same symptoms before and once an osteopath could resolver this symptom within 20 minutes. But now I don’t want to use these kind of ailments and help. It is TMS and this means I can do it in my own. I decided to accept what the doctors say. If I still have a problem next week I call my doctor again and ask him what to do. If he says I should wait and see, I do’ll that. As I already mentioned my doctor is never overreacting and would not order diagnostics if he is not convinced that they are absolutely necessary. This behavior is new for me and is a sort of relief. I don’t google diseases and concentrate on other things like going to the beach or even cleaning my car ...
first time since many years I start to understand how it feels to relax.
Thanks again, your posts are encouraging!

 

It’s almost as my brain wants to tease me. Now I have pain in my right foot. There is redness at the outer side and the bone is a bit more pronounced. I remember that I felt once in the garden some days ago, or maybe I hurt myself in another way. So, first I was totally distracted by the foot, speculating what this might be. While doing this my stomach is just fine. Then I am calm about the foot and I feel my stomach again. But I am carrying on, doing nice things and don’t give a damn .... but is somehow almost amusing ...

 

I think I give in. The stomach is still not good. I feel nauseous in the morning. I’ll get an ultrasound. The most serious stuff can be ruled out that way. The rest will my doctor decide. This is getting too difficult for me. I can’t focus on nice things. Am I defeated by TMS? Maybe. If this is all TMS I really will change my life. I need more fun and more company!
This is rather private now: after my divorce I was dating, met one or two nice men, but it didn’t work out. Then my bladder pain started and I stopped dating at all. I always thought that someone might come along. But it doesn’t happen. I guess I need to go on one of these dating sites. And see what happens. I am really afraid that a nut case like me will put them off ...
Again, again, reconsidering how I value my life and the things I do.