The Presence Process - Share Experiences & Ask Questions

"As a child, I wanted unconditional attention and didn't get it. We all do. If we had gotten it, it still would not teach us how to give ourselves unconditional attention, though. That's something we learn to give ourselves eventually."
I guess that's the bit I'm not sure about. If humans grew up in families and cultures that were emotionally intelligent and nurturing, would we not naturally internalize that self-care, just as we learn to walk or talk etc. Our suffering later in life forces us to learn to re-parent ourselves, but in a more enlightened world would we not learn it from the get go? It's a symptom of the general dysfunction that many people are wounded children in adult bodies and remain so. Academic I suppose, since we are where we are. Of course I agree that 'feeling' and unconditional love to oneself is the journey home.

 

Here's the conclusion I came to. At least, this is one of my theories. Since I can't know for sure right now, I theorize and don't hold to any theories too tight. I get the idea that God birthed us, and everything, out of Himself. We're literally part of Him, part of His material. And we were born in the non-physical real (spirit realm, heaven, whatever you want to call it). We naturally have all of His characteristics since we're His children. But living in paradise, where all our needs are met, means that we never knew what it was to be in pain or suffering or want. We never knew dysfunction like anger, grief, or fear. So we were loving like God, but immature. Rich kids have a lot of immaturity because so much is provided for them.

In order to mature, I think we may have agreed to have God make us a reality in which we could develop our unconditional love through suffering. A reality in which we, and others, would forget our life before, and have to help ourselves and one another survive and flourish.

Now, imagine if you were in paradise, where all things are provided, but suddenly you're thrust into a world with all of these negative, painful resonances. You even come in through a tight birth canal that your head and body have to bend to in order to get out. It was painful entry. And somehow, we become unaware of our past life in paradise. That's required for us to grow and develop our unconditional love.

When people die, the one's in resistance to God (Atheists) always say that they have an awful experience that humbles them, and they know for sure there's a God when they are resuscitated. So this hell-like place they go to (which is different for everyone) is taylored for them to break their pride causing them to resist God's help in maturing. The people who are not in resistance to God always end up going into the light, ending up in heaven/paradise, and they meet God.
He then has them relive every instance where they hurt someone in life, but they feel that person's emotions this time. They feel how they made that other person feel. The people always end up feeling shame as a result, but God says, "No, it wasn't good or bad, not right or wrong, just a lesson learned." The people's shame drops instantly and they're matured into unconditional love. Kind of like what we're doing when we do TPP, but an excelerated version.

In other words, it seems to me that life is about maturing. And it also seems planned out by God and us. I say that because lots of people die, go to paradise, and meet their future children there. Their future child tell them, "You need to go back, because you agreed to have me as your child." So we made contracts/promises when we were in heaven, it seems. And it seems God orchestrates everything to make sure those contracts happen. They're part of our purpose for being here. Those people get resuscitated and end up having every one of thoe children they met in heaven, and they all look exactly as they looked in heaven eventually.

I think we chose to have these emotional signatures passed down to us so we could grow our love into unconditional love through maturing. There is no perfect world right here, right now, in which children receive no dysfunctional emotional signatures, because that wouldn't be perfect. It would be useless. lol If it can't mature us, it's not perfect. Once we're matured, we'll be ready to exist again in heaven in unconditional love.

That's just my guess. It's only a theory. And like you said, what the hell do we know. lol It could easily be different than that. That's just the impression I get when I take everything into account.

 

Fairmountain,

Hey, I wanted to give you a little bit more information about what happens when I do that interaction with my heart inside by picturing it as a child.

Right now, I'm experiencing lots of anger surfacing. My intent is to integrate my insecurity during this PP. Insecurity is fear, of course. When we try to protect ourselves and fail, we get very angry. We then use the anger to protect ourselves. But if we don't like anger, or it doesn't work, we suppress it. That traps a bunch of our energy, in my opinion. So, within my insecurity is a ton of anger. As it surfaces, I feel it, often in my head muscles and face muscles. Sometimes, it emanates directly from the middle of my head. If I want to bring it out even stronger, I'll imagine it's a child who's extremely angry and speak for it in my head, like a conversation with myself. I also do this if the anger is really strong. It's kind of a way I give it an outlet and love it while still containing it within myself. So, when that kid talks, he usually curses like a sailor in his rage. And as he does, I say things like, "Yeah, I understand why you're angry, and I don't blame you for being angry. I'm here for you, no matter what. Feel the anger all you need to and I'll be here feeling it with you. I love you no matter what." In other words, I treat him with the utmost respect and I don't ever try to change his anger to get rid of it. I don't try to manipulate him in any way, because to do so would further suppress the anger. I just let the anger be. This can really help me get to crying sometimes. Other times, I'm already crying and I'll talk to the anger. Either way, I always just allow it to be, unconditionally.

At the moment, the muscles around my eyes and nose are hurting. It's a felt resonance. If I distract myself, it goes away instantly. Heck, I don't even have to distract myself. All I have to do is shift my focus to not feeling it and it immediately goes away. I just tried it for 5 seconds and it faded to nothing instantly. I then recalled it right back again so I could feel it as it is. I stay like this for as long as I can so I can feel it and be with it a while. I don't, however, do this for too terribly long, because that could slip into obsession and lock me into the feeling in a dysfunctional way.

That's just how I do it. There could be better ways, I have no clue. This seems to work for me. Anger is the toughest to sit with and not react to. But it's required.

 

I don't really know for sure that my boyhood anxieties and stresses were from my parents divorcing
or my older brother beating up on me, but as I thought back on it all I decided they all had TMS repressed
emotions of their own that gave my father back ache, my mother migraines, and my brother into a bully.
I was able to understand them better and from there it was easy to forgive them. That ended my back pain.

So I think a general "I forgive" is what most people need to do to end their TMS pain.

 

Brian
I can see my mind loves to try and figure things out and come up with explanations for the level of suffering on this planet, both personal and universal. Humans have been trying to make sense of it all since they arrived on the scene I expect. My mind runs a commentary and searches for meaning a lot of the time. Just feeling and being present is a continual challenge. My attempt to seek meaning and make sense, is largely reactive I guess. Staying with insecurity, with not-knowing, with difficult feelings of fear, perhaps even terror, and refusing to latch on to comforting group-mind conditioned beliefs is hard. It requires faith, that the way out is through. I just have to be with what is, one step at a time, and maybe it will one day lead me to the top of the mountain, where I will get a panoramic view, which may or may not be in accord with other views. I may then know directly and experientially, that I made contracts with certain people in heaven or in past lives etc. Until that day I can certainly entertain any number of ideas, no harm in that. Sometimes I need comfort food... a cookie or some chocolate, but I have to go back sooner or later, to the inner work, letting go of everything, moving feelingly into the dark and the often uncomfortable insecurity of not-knowing.

There is no perfect world, except from the standpoint of Presence, but there is an evolutionary one, in which humanity grows and unfolds, towards more love and understanding. In the relative world I don't mind using the language of good and bad, right and wrong, even good and evil. Such as smoking is bad for you. Hitting children is wrong. Chopping people's heads off in the name of religion is evil. I got no problem with that. There is no perfect world but we all can do our best to make it a better world.

 

Walt
I was bullied quite a lot too, by my older brother, and my parents didn't protect me. My dad was really a bully too. I identified with the females in the family who were all scared of this male violence.
Over time, perhaps with a lot of the work I've done, most of the charge around it seems to have dissolved. But of course with this sort of work, never say never, who knows what might pop up or get triggered.

 

Walt,

If TPP is correct, all of our emotional pain is contained within felt resonances. And those felt resonances are passed down from our parents while we're in the womb. The felt resonances are things we feel in our body. They cause our body to malfunction because they're trapped energy that causes friction. The longer they sit in our body, the more damage they do.

Those felt resonances were passed down to our parents from their parents, and so on. I understood this before TPP, and I was able to forgive my parents. However, my heart still had anger toward my parents for some reason. It's like some parts of it forgave them, and other parts didn't. TPP taught me that I needed to let the anger surface so it could process and integrate. Then I would have no reason to be upset with my parents, because the emotion driving the anger toward them would be integrated/resolved. And I couldn't blame them since I'd gotten rid of the story that I was telling myself about them being the cause of my pain and unhappiness. As long as we hold on to the story about "why" we are in pain, we retain the pain usually, or we have a very hard time letting it resolve/integrate fully.

At least, that's what TPP teaches. And so far, it's proved accurate for me, and it makes logical sense to me, too. I think when we blame someone else for our problems, we become a victim to them, believing that we can't truly fix our problem since we're not responsible for causing it. But forgiveness is a really great first step. And very insightful people like you seem to have good success with forgiving and the emotions integrating. That's quite an accomplishment, Walt!

It's always good to hear from you.

 

Dom,

You sound like you've got the right idea.

Right and wrong is how most people in this world identify things, so that's perfectly normal. The only reason I don't is because I've learned to view everything through the eyes of compassion and understanding. Right and wrong mean I have to judge someone's actions which makes it very difficult for me to understand them and have compassion for them. That doesn't mean I don't respond to what painful things they do. It just means I understand that they don't really know why they're doing what they're doing and that it's not really their fault. However, they are responsible for what damage they do and often need to be held accountable for it. Also, this view allows me to be thankful for those people, because they're messengers.

But if someone doesn't yet see the world that way, that's no problem. No one's better than anyone else. We're all just doing the best we can in life. It took me a while to get to this view and truly experience why it's useful for me. It makes me a more loving and responsible person, so my friends and family really appreciate that about me. They probably feel comfortable coming to me, because they know I'll empathize with them and won't condemn them. Makes them feel very safe and loved.

 

Dom,

I have the "perfect world" ponderings, too. It's fun to think about and try to figure out.

 

I read some interesting material from a man by the name of mantak chia regarding sexuality. He has a lot of interesting things to say about aging and sex. His practice reveals ways to have fully body orgasms and move around sexual energy in the body without ejaculation. In fact he says after 60 or so we should not even ejaculate because of how much energy is lost. "Multi Orgasmic Man" is the name of one of the book I skim read

 

Really great thank you Brain. I re read your post on addiction to porn again.

I'm still grappling with getting back into things. I really hurt myself in respect to self trust...I feel like that does not capture it though, maybe its like a mild depression. But I am sitting with it. I think I also feel a bit over whelmed. When your doing your PPs are you only focusing on one thing, or many because of all the feelings and emotions that arise? I find it hard to focus on one thing because I am triggered by so many things right now.

Its just overwhelming (being this this as well). I'm going to wake up early in the a.m. tomorrow and take things one piece at a time.

Its interesting about your experience with porn as you linked it to control and power in one of your other posts. It seems like there is an addictive nature to it like a compulsion and this can also be used to suppress other feelings that arise. Then there is the driving emotional feelings under the addiction...?

I'm dealing with massive computer addictions so I don't use the computer that much. But I wanted to say thank you for all the posts - very helpful

 

Sometimes I focus on several things and sometimes one thing. I think it's easier to focus on one thing. Too many things can be expecting a bit too much and might cause discouragement in some people. I'm dealing with insecurity this PP, but that encompasses many things. So, in a way, it could be overwhelming, but it's not. And I always remember that it could take a few PPs to overcome one thing, like the emotional roots of an addiction. Insecurity is so far reaching that it may take me longer. I don't know. I have the computer addiction, too, which I'll have to limit again at some point, too. It would help if I had a business that kept me more busy. lol That's awesome that you're confronting that now. With addictions, I take it slow and pick one or two at a time, depending on how big each is. I got rid of my gaming addiction (which was about feeling better and about feeling like I was "doing" something rather than feeling useless. It made me feel better to beat someone at something because I feel worthless inside or useless. It's a self-value issue). I devote full PPs to a single large addiction, and during those PPs, I find that I end up dropping one or two small addictions (like eating food late in the evening) as I go through those PPs. But each person does it differently. And it happens organically for me. I just get the sense that I need to drop something at some point, so I do.

Yeah, all addictions are an attempt to either control or sedate emotions. Control and power are ways to suppress emotions, basically. There's a healthy way to use control and power so they're not suppressing emotions, but that comes more natural when we integrate our emotional dysfunctions. There are always emotions driving addictions. Always.

Just feel it out. If things get overwhelming, you can always go back to the minimum TPP asks of us. And addictions can be taken slowly. Don't expect that an addiction will be dealt with in a single PP. Just know that it can take a while, and give yourself no endpoint on when the addiction must be gone. Just keep working through it. It could take one PP or it could take two or three. You never know, so you just let it happen as it happens. Whatever happens is required, so you can't go wrong.

 

Thanks Brian, glad I got the 'right' idea
It's true judging and blaming, keep us stuck and reactive, and at the level of presence, nothing is separate from us. So don't shoot the messenger. There is only oneness here at 'play'...a tragicomic play. Judging particularly when there is energy behind it, tells me there is some unintegrated charge, emotion, or disowned self behind it.
Getting in touch with my own darkness, helps me to better understand others, which doesn't mean condoning their behaviour and not having boundaries, which could be viewed as a yes to me, rather than a no to them, I suppose.
Are people doing the 'best' they can? I don't know. Everyone's acting out from their level of consciousness or unconsciousness. Some are open for learning, some not it seems. If it's not their fault and they are doing their best, how can they be responsible? Do we really have free will, or is that just part of the dream?
Rhetorical questions. I believe as you said, there's a role reversal that goes on. If you hurt someone or lack empathy in a certain area, sooner or later, you will find yourself in their shoes, to learn how it feels to be on the receiving end. So in the end it's all about love...
Here's a quote from Margaret Paul at innerbonding about anger vs outrage (seen as response) which I thought interesting.

"Anger is an important emotion. It is here to tell us something, to teach us how we are thinking or behaving that is not in our highest good. You may have been taught that other people's behavior causes your anger, yet this is generally not true. Others may behave in ways that you don't like, but your anger at them is frequently a projection of how you are not taking care of yourself - a way to control them rather than take care of yourself.
It's important to differentiate between blaming anger and justified anger, which is really outrage. Outrage is the feeling we have when there is injustice, such as seeing someone abuse a child. Outrage moves us to take appropriate, loving action in our own or others behalf.
Blaming anger comes from feeling like a victim and gets us off the hook from having to take personal responsibility for ourselves. This anger does not lead to learning or to healthy action."

 

Like many others posting, I still have trouble living in the present.
I just got a copy of Eckhart Tolle's book THE POWER OF NOW
and will start reading it for ways to live in the moment.

 

Yeah, anger's interesting. I have one very indepth translation of the Bible I use to get a better idea of what the original writer intended. It often uses fervor instead of anger (it gives multiple translations for single verses, actually). Fervor is strong, energetic emotion. So, anger would be the dysfunctional form of it, and outrage would be the healthy form of it. It's like MB says--we have energy in motion (e-motion) and we don't have to name it. We just have to feel it and try to memorize how it feels so we're familiar with it. We can attempt to name it to convey it to others, but we will likely have a slightly different feel than them, and our mental description may not convey it accurately. It must be experienced, really. I don't know of a full-proof way to convey emotions to others accurately. Story and metaphore are probably the best ways, which is probably why people like
Jesus and Buddha use "parable" stories.

The Ancient Hebrews didn't say fear, even though the Bible translates it that way. So when you see the verse that says, "The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom," it's an inaccurate translation. Some say, "Fear means reverence, too." Actually, the fear, reverence, and all kinds of other emotions are felt in the gut, which is the part of the body we call the emotional center or the second brain. Tons of nerves are in that area. The Hebrews mean the emotions of the gut when they say that word we translate as "fear." Also, that verse's mechanics show that it's God's fear. It's written the same way as the Hand of God, Face of God, etc. So what it actually means is, "The sensations in the gut (emotions) of the Lord are the beginning of wisdom." The Ancient Hebrews were Eastern Philosophy, and TPP is fairly Eastern, too. And TPP says that we are part of God, that we are Presence. As such, we go down through our own emotions to get to God/Source/The Creator. We connect with Him/It and everyone else at the emotional level when we get into our heart. And that's where we exerientially gain insight and wisdom. So that's what that verse means. But religion has mistranslated and misunderstood it and used it in a negative way, to an extent. Interesting how those people back then understood the emotions as the conduit to God. Thousands of years later, we still struggle to understand that simple mystery.

 

PP #3 COMPLETE

My third PP ended Saturday (Nov 29th). Unfortunately, I only got to do about half my breathing sessions from Wed-Sat due to a vacation. I would give a report on this PP but I've learned that I really can't give a full report of what happened until about three weeks have passed. It takes up to three weeks after a PP for everything to finish integrating. In three weeks, I'll give a fully report. For now, I'll just give a few details.

INTENTION
My intention was to integrate insecurity during this PP. Insecurity encompasses just about every dysfunction, though, so I'd find it highly unlikely for someone to completely integrate insecurity in a single PP.

INTEGRATIONS & FELT RESONANCES
I did see integrations occur periodically during this PP (that's always signaled by tears of joy with laughter and a burning heart). Felt resonances happened on the right side of my body a lot, which is interesting since I tend to feel more stable on the left side of my body even though I'm right handed. It was like the right side of my body had been hindered by my insecurity, rendering it less functional. I felt my abs on the right resonant a few times, I felt resonances in my gut a lot, along with resonances in my head and chest. Sometimes, I felt resonances behind my eyes and at the back of my head where the visual cortex is. The right eye uses the left-rear of the brain to process visual information and the left eye uses the rear-right of the brain for visual processing. I felt those opposite points resonate together a few times. Also, I felt the area right around my nose bone, which includes the insides of my eye sockets, resonate a few days. That felt strange. The gut sensations were probably the most important, then chest, and finally head. I had some sensations that went in a U-shape from left hip down to my center-lower stomach then to the right hip. That one was really important and had a lot to do with insecurity. It happened at the same time I felt my lung resonate, which I'm not sure I've felt before. I might have once. The lungs are very important, because fear affects them badly, causing all kinds of breathing issues like asthma, anxiety attacks, and lots of other illnesses. The brain works off oxygen and muscles and organs use tons of it, too, so being deprived of it can really mess a person up. I don't sleep well from 3-5am due to some kind of fear that's affecting my lungs at those hours. The body has a circadian rhythm, and at 3-5am, the body's cycling the lungs. Since that fear is interfering with them, I wake up at that time of night. It'll be nice when the fear fully integrates, because I'll get good sleep all night. Haven't had good sleep for 8 hours straight for probably 6 years now.

I feel pretty good about things right now. My body seems to be doing better. I've never had good endurance, but I was able to walk up and down two tiny little mountains without even getting winded, really, then run back over them (up and down), stopping periodically to take some breaks. So it seems I'm gaining some endurance now. I think TPP breathing sessions have helped me breathe better during physical activities, which I think has helped my endurance. I started drinking a lot more water now and it's pretty easy to do (it would've been an effort to keep it up in the past). I do this to keep toxins flushed out of my fat cells and to create new blood. It also causes me to lose weight, but I really don't want to lose weight. lol I'll just have to work out to gain it back in muscle weight. My diet is much better now, and it's pretty easy to maintain. Before, it would've been difficult to maintain diet changes and I would've gone back to bad eating habits again eventually. I'm not nearly as tempted by sugary foods or meat anymore. I eat a lot less meat now and a lot less sugar. I'm not nearly as tempted by nudity or beauty now, but that hasn't fully worked its way out, though. I know it's tightly linked to my insecurity, so I expect that I'll still have those urges for a while, but that they'll continue to lessen more and more as I continue doing TPP. I looked at nudity only once in the past 10 weeks. I don't masturbate anymore at all and haven't since I started the 10 weeks. It was natural not to want to do it, so I didn't have to force myself not to do it. When I feel urges of that nature, I've found that it's pretty easy to resist now. I don't yet know if I'll ever go back to masturbation or pornography in order to work through the rest of those issues. I get the sense that the underlying dysfunctional emotions causing them will get integrated, eventually, regardless of whether I go back to those things or not. In other words, I'm confident I'll be able to navigate those situations in the future.

RnA DROPS
I can't tell if these have helped me yet or not. I had to stop taking them while I was on vacation, so I'm starting them again. Maybe they have, but who knows? For some people, it takes a while for them to start working. I thought they'd work quickly on me due to my emotional work, but now I'm rethinking that. They may take a while to work on me because most things take a while to work on me. I'll continue them for at least 2 months and see how it goes.

All in all, I'm happy about this last PP. Everything's gone well and I feel like I've made some good progress. I think it was in small increments, but every little bit helps. I cried several times during this PP, and that always signals progress. I won't be surprised if I have to do another one or two PPs with the intent to integrate insecurity before it all integrates. It's a tall order and takes a lot of time, I think. I'll give a final update in three weeks.

 

Anyone dealing with porn or internet addiction may want to watch this interesting TED Talk.

Notice how it even mentions that clicking on the internet and seeing something new causes dopamine release in the brain (ie - addiction).

TED Talk

 

It's interesting--I've had a lot of anger, depression, then strong crying (the commencement of integration) while in this 3-week-integration period. This is more pronounced than my other two PPs. The crying is more deep, from my gut where the insecurity sits. I feel good as a result, and there's more to come.

Also, I started what Michael Brown suggested a guy do if he wants to overcome using women and sex for orgasms. I've been a pretty giving person in this area, but there was still that draw to use sex for the orgasm, which causes suppression of emotions. So, MB said you basically agree to give your partner an orgasm, but you refrain from having an orgasm. Eventually, the mental body says, "Well, if sex isn't for having an orgasm, then what's it for?" Eventually, it'll understand that sex is for giving, and receiving is just a byproduct. I did this successfully last night and it was actually pretty cool. I'm already seeing a little bit of a shift inside.

Also, I'm limiting my internet usage to get rid of that as a coping mechanism, and that's pretty cool, too. I feel much better.

 

RNA DROPS

So, I've just recently figured out that I haven't been taking enough RNA Drops. I upped my dosage and noticed something interesting. A year or two ago, a hair started growing on the top of my ear. That was odd, but I just attributed it to getting older. I would pluck it periodically. Abouta week ago, I noticed that it was gone. It doesn't grow back now. The RNA Drops seem to have reversed whatever was causing that. That's a pretty tiny effect, but I can't expect much from the low dose I was taking. Interesting, I suppose.

So far, I notice that I went into a coping mode recently because there's a lot of anger boiling under the surface, which makes since now that I've dealt with a lot of insecurity in my last Presence Process. I don't think the RNA Drops had anything to do with that. So, I've cut out the little coping mechanisms I temporarily picked up again (sweets and a video game on my phone) and I'm getting ready to do my 4th PP in a week.

I'm setting my intent to integrate anger in this next PP, as well as my issues with money as a coping device. I have a theory that my repressed anger and self-hate, both at a subconscious level, are what keep my body from fully absorbing and utilizing the nutrients it gets, including the RNA Drops. Not everyone's body reacts the same way to suppressed anger. There are many veriations. This seems to be mine. Now I just have to figure out if I have to physically expend my anger or if it can be integrated without expressing it physically (punching a pillow, screaming into a pillow, punching a punching bag, etc). In The Art of Integration, written after The Presence Process, it says a person has to expend the anger physically in some way. I've managed to integrate some of my anger without physically hitting anything. So I need to figure out what's required. I may just have to feel it out.

I'll report back if I see any changes from the higher doseage of RNA Drops.

 

brian -thx for starting this forum thread. I just started my 1st PP & have a few questions about the daily triad to make sure I start out right -(forgive me for not wading thro 12 pages of info 1st, but I will at my leisure.

1) breathing; 1st thing in the a.m/last thing at nite. he recommends not on an empty stomach but I usually don't eat until mid- late a.m & do not eat before bed. how important is this? I prefer to get up & drink some water, wash my face & get to it. does that suffice? if not is juice OK? coffee OK? I assume not.. (I feel I'm more open to the process than if I have to put my attention towards other things re; eat or read first.
2) repeat the activating statement when not mentally engaged. does this include while breathing as well? (I have been & find it very grounding for me) -& then I assume throughout the day whenever we are still (theoretically that should be a lot right?)?

3) review reading materials after each breathing session?. does that refer to the whole session chapter each time? 2X day everyday? seems like a lot but am unclear if it's just to activate the session or for each time breathing process.

thanx again. you seem quite well versed in this so I'm hopeful you can help. I'm excited about the journey
ba