The Presence Process - Share Experiences & Ask Questions

I've finished my first PP onTuesday. During the 3-weeks-break we to the breathing sessions, but I don't remember if we also sit with the emotions ( I think so)?
At the moment I am in a different mood every day : I feel angry, indifferent, confused...it' s really exhausting. And I still don't have integrations....
But there is one thing I worry about: the last years I had a good relationship with my mother, since 2 or 3 weeks it has changed very much for me. I feel indifferent to her and don't find my loving emotions for her again. I don't want to tell her anything personal of me.
I can't explain why this happened. I think I can't do anything but sit and breath with this emotion. But I would like to understand it, too. My mother noticed that something is different (as she told my sister) and I don't want her to suffer. She is not the person with whom I can talk about TPP or the change in me. Do I have "to sit and wait"?

 

Renate,

My guess is that you had a lot of repressed anger toward your mother before TPP, but because it was repressed, you were about to access some love for her. But TPP has unlocked the repressed anger. But my guess is that some of it is getting repressed again, because you say you feel indifferent. Indifferent is apathy, meaning you have no feelings toward her.

I know I've said this beore, but people think hate is the opposite of love. It's not. Apathy is the opposite. When a person feels everything unconditionally, that's love. When someone feels nothing, that's apathy. I felt apathetic a lot in life before TPP. It's because I was repressing my anger, too scared to feel it and maybe scared of what I'd do. But when I started being able to feel my anger, I was wavering back and forth, sometimes wanting to feel it, sometimes not...going back to apathy. It went back and forth till I did TPP. My guess is that you're experiencing the same thing.

Giving it time.

Yes, you sit with the emotions when they come up, and you continue your breathing. Nothing changes after TPP ends. You do everything like you were doing during TPP, except you don't have to read every morning, and you don't have to take the warm baths unless you want to.

I have a question. When did the love for your mother come about--before or after your foot started hurting? I'm wondering if maybe you somehow repressed your anger toward her, and started feeling some of your love for her as a result, but the repressed anger caused your foot to hurt. It just a guess, but it makes a lot of sense. What do you think? Does the timing of events line up?

 

I think you are right Brian, thank you for your advice!
Anger is my companion through my whole life. I remember that at the age of four I was jumping of anger.
As I mentioned in another post, sometimes I fear to explode of anger, it can be so very strong! I am sure a part of it comes from my situation, lying at home since years with pain.

The story of my pain is a little complicated:
I had a difficult relationship for 13 years with my ex-partner. In June 2010 we separated (I left him), after three months we came together again. 1 month later I got a necrosis in my foot, soon I could not walk any more. Nevertheless my partner and I had a good time, but some months later we started again to argue all the time. I was stressed 24/24.
Since then the chronic pain startet in my foot. My partner and I separated finally in January 2011. This was a hard time for me, but now I am glad we did!

Since my partner is gone, the relationship to my mother got much better. Before it was ok, not too good and not too bad. But now I feel that there is still anger in me against her.....Maybe I was afraid to see it?

I've head already my first session with a "therapist"of the "Body Code". It is quite interesting and we will continue.

 

Renate,

Cool. Let us know how the Body Code work goes.

How was your relationship with your father growing up? I wonder if some of the pain has to do with your father since it came about due to issues with your partner. Issues with a male partner often have something to do with father issues. Maybe when you lost your male partner, ran to your mother to get the love you lost from your father substitute (male partner). You may have felt you weren't good enough to be treated well by dad, and then your male partner, so you're punishing yourself for failing or for not being good enough.

That's all theoretical. You'll have to see if you think that's the cause or not. The other part of this has to do with your mom. Maybe you felt like a failure for going back to mom. Who knows. You'll figure it out, in time, whenot the emotions integrate...or during a session with your body code practitioners.

 

UPDATE

It's crazy how much is integrated in the past few days. While adjusting my method and adapting it to different situations, I somehow fine tuned it and discovered the best way to utilize it to take care of practically any issue. However, one must believe what I believe in order to use it properly, and some issues may take a while to resolve, because they're so deep seeded and expansive that you can only do one chunk of the issue at a time. As you resolve some issues, more will pop up. It's like peeling an onion. My method can work if a person hasn't done TPP, but I think it works better if a person has used done TPP. Also, my method doesn't teach how to accept and deal with emotions. It's just a method for freeing yourself from the things that cause your emotional problems and health conditions. It can lead to accepting all emotions, but I'd still recommend TPP. This is exciting. I'll be going to my doctor tomorrow to confirm I corrected some health issues with the method. I'll let ya know how it goes.

Oh, and it's kinda cool when I correct an issue that's causing a muscle or tendon problem. It immediately fixes itself. My doc usually has to work on the tendon to strengthen it and get it all working properly again so there's no pain. But I don't have to do go to him for that now. Pretty weird.

 

Looking for a place to put this... this experience I just had. I posted it somewhere else and Brian C suggested I place it here.

I think I still have a lot to learn around here, but I've cut and pasted anyhow, and appreciate the support and guidance I am finding here. (As a therapist in the field, I fight being an expert instead of the humbled TMS "patient")

Anyhow, I'm in Greece and I went walking the Agora today. It's a beautiful day. I took a lot of photos, it's a really spiritual place. Then, I walked through the Athens Flea Market and the vibe changed to The Awful Financial Crisis. Then, I took a different road and there were all kinds of homeless people/refugees sleeping in blankets. Then, I was in the Refugee Crisis.

I got to a queue of taxis and I am told that I am going to have to ride all the way around the city in a wide circle because there is a major demonstration in the city center: two universities are closing next month and both students and teachers are protesting. The IMF is meeting in our hotel... There's an edge here.

So, naturally, I am feeling scared. Then the cabbie shortchanges me, drops me off where it's impossible to cross the street. I feel mugged. Instead of feeling mugged, my right Hip/glute wants to seize up.
I come online to the TMS Wiki and I start searching words like 'trigger' ...and landed at self-compassion. Of course I'm tense! It was a tense situation. If you guys told me you'd just taken a 25-35 euro cab ride that should have been 5 euros, through parts of a city you didn't know, with police in riot gear, I would be so empathic, so kind; I would listen and nod and say mm-hmm, until you got it all out.
BUT.
AND.
And I should be better by now?

No. If anything you all have reminded me it's one day at a time recovery from TMS.

My glute is crying that I'm scared and angry. I'm homesick. I am ready to go home but it's not time to leave for another 48 hours. I miss our bed, our dogs, my horse. I miss my routine! I got all the antiquity I could ever ask for.

Whew.
That's felt great.
Pain all gone.
One of these days I will write a success story. Funny. I thought success meant never having pain. I am such a perfectionist!

Thanks for listening... and thanks for guiding me here!

bg

 

Brian l wrote a post "less is more?" Now l realize the question mark was not needed. But how hard it is to not jump tofix what is bodily painful or a lot felt with discomfort. Not doing anything, just being with it is rreally a master's attitude.
I don't know much about TPP but it has left mespeechless

 

Fabi,

It sure isn't easy to leave pain alone and just be with it. Sometimes, I'm great at it, and other times I try to resolve it. I'm more apt to try and resolve it if it's debilitating and affects my family and work life. I don't like when my issues affect them. It's harder to just be with those.

Right now, my back is in a lot of pain, which might make my job impossible or at least very hard and painful. I feel like to serve my customers, I need to try and fix the back pain. Puts me in a tricky position. I just take it on a case by case situation.

 

Bohdigirl,

Thanks so much for the post. That's a very cool experience. It almost sounds like you have some empathic abilities, or maybe just some fears. I know some people who've had near-death experiences and came out of them as empaths, meaning they now feel other people's emotions and pains. It can be scary or overwhelming if one doesn't know how to control it. Some allow themselves to be open to other's emotions all the time, and others shut it off till they're ready to use it. It's a strange phenomenon. A character in one of my books is like an empath on crack (extremely high-level empath).

Thanks so much for sharing.

 

I miss hearing from everyone more often.

 

Yeah, haven't heard many posts here lately. Guess everyone's busy.

I'm doing well. Integrating more of the parts of my ego that think I'm a burden to others and feel guilty and like I should die. Those are some dark parts, but they're integrating slowly.

Pain in the knees typically is guilt, and pain on the right side of the body has to do with masculine issues or a problem with a male where as issues on the left side of the body has to do with feminine issues or a problem with a female. So our feminine and masculine sides are either having issues or we're dealing with someone of whichever sex the side relates to. For me, I've had pain in my left knee, so it's guilt over issues with women and my feminine side. So I've had to integrate a lot of that stuff. Still more to integrate. I have a lot of issues in my gut, too, caused by shame, generally. I'm getting some of those integrated, too. The gut usually causes lower back problems and problems with the deltoid tendons, both of which I'm having problems with right now as a result. So I'm getting to integrate some of that shame, as well. Oh, and I'm having sinus issues, which I've felt come directly from anger that's trapped in my head and is directly related to me when I was a kid. My son triggers it sometimes. I can tell I'm having issues like that, also, because my temper is way shorter with him than it usually is. That's one I haven't been exploring lately--got distracted with the other issues and just didn't notice it until recently.

All of these issues have been traced back to one single issue in me, which is the idea that I'm a liar and that I need to self-sabotage to prevent me from becoming my authentic self. Deep down, those parts of my ego are extremely scared of me becoming authentic, because they think that means I'll be abused/hurt by others or my father or God. That's a huge one. I've been integrating parts of that, too. That one is the main one I need to focus on, because self-sabotage makes it so much harder and slower to deal with my issues since it's constantly trying to prevent me from doing so. It causes my muscle testing to give incorrect responses, where as most other people who muscle test don't have that problem. It's a tricky one. But I've made some really good progress on it lately. Once it's fully integrated, I'll be able to integrate the rest of my issues much, much more quickly.

The fear of being authentic comes from watching my sister get angry at my father and throw a fit, then get spanked for it. I saw the anger as authentic, and also as wrong, because my dad punished my sister for it. So many deep parts of me believe authenticity is bad and punishable. So what they do is cause me bodily harm in the form of illnesses or pain in order to prevent me from becoming more authentic. It's a protection thing, but it's coming from a place of fear and misunderstanding. So I keep having to talk to that part of myself periodically and prove its way of protecting me is actually causing the problems, and that if we become more authentic through integrating that part of me, we won't be triggering the painful situations anymore. Also, even if the painful situations come up after integration has occurred, we'll be content in those situations, so it's a win-win.

That's what I've been dealing with lately. I just do it a little at a time so I'm not obsessed with it. And I really have no desire to do it obsessively. I take it in stride, fairly slowly, and do what needs to be done. It's a big difference from me a few years ago, who would've been doing it obsessively due to fear of being stuck this way forever. Right now, I'd be fine if I were stuck this way forever. In fact, it'd be even more relaxing, because I'd know that I don't have to do anymore work on my issues. lol But the little work I do isn't difficult or time consuming, so it's really no big deal.

That's about it for me.

Anyone else making progress or experiencing anything interesting lately?

- Brian

 

Wow Brian!!!! That is so incredibly interesting and thorough!
I just finished TPP for the second time all the way through. For the most part, I didn't do the weekly reading as I found it so repetitive after reading it all the way through the first 10 weeks. I also didn't do the bath sessions this time. Perhaps I was just lazy and by not doing it as described I didn't get as much out of it but nonetheless that's how I went through it the second go round. I did my breathing sessions twice daily and repeated the affirmations suggested during each week. All in all I didn't see any great differences in either of the two 10 week sessions. I haven't decided yet as to whether or not I was going to do it a third time. For me, when emotions came up I just sat with them and did't resist them but actually didn't have a great deal of that happening either. I DEFINITELY rarely, if ever, had moments of remembering specifics incidents from childhood that would come up for me to reflect on. I would occasionally reflect on something of a recent reaction I had to something or someone but that was far back as I feel I went usually. I can't really tell honestly if and when I integrate anything!!! Lol. But I do feel and at least hope I've gotten a bit better at feeling, regardless of what the feeling is!!! It seems there's so much of "story" when I try to analyze every little feeling or emotion and certainly any physical pain! I don't have a clue what side is connected to what issues, feminine, masculine, left, right, etc!!!!
If I started conjuring up more story of that nature I'd certainly feel as though I was obsessing over past, thoughts, physicalities, etc. I usually prefer to go deeper within to source where it's more peaceful and not so loud and full of thinking.
Do you do any forms of meditation and if so what type?
Lawrence

 

Hardwired,

Sorry to hear that you aren't feeling any integrations. I know some integrations aren't really felt, but it's pretty cool when you do start feeling them. I felt one, to a degree, before I started doing TPP, but I didn't know it was an integration.

If you're not feeling integrations, my guess is that you haven't fully processed your fear of feeling uncomfortable emotions. The reason I and others are able to truly feel our uncomfortable emotions and integrate them is because TPP gave us the confidence that we'd be able to handle any and all uncomfortable emotions that arose. It caused us to allow the emotions to truly come up and process. Well, I say that, but that's really only part of it. It sounds like you're part of the way there in that area.

The other issue is that all judgment (the idea of there being right and wrong, good and bad) has to be tossed out the door completely in order to feel true, unconditional love from your child-of-God self toward your ego. That's what TPP is really trying to do when it teaches us to love unconditionally. I can prove both logically and biblically that there really is no such thing as right and wrong, good and bad, where God is concerned. And He tries to get us to do the same. It's why Jesus says not to judge, and why Paul says that all things are permissible, but not all things are beneficial. They're both trying to get across the point that God is unconditionally loving because He does not judge, and we, His children made in His image with His characteristics, naturally do the same at our core, so we should start acting like that now until we reach authenticity. Yes, God does something that's mistranslated as judgment, but it's not what we think of as judgment. To an Ancient Hebrew, judgment means pruning. It's something that hurts, but is meant to help. That's the kind of judgment God does to help us, and it's what we're doing in TPP. We're allowing our uncomfortable emotions (our hurts) to come up so we can learn from them as they integrate. They teach us to love ourself unconditionally. We're pruning our heart by integrating our ego into it.

Really search yourself and see if you're truly getting deep into your emotions, or if they're still fear keeping you from feeling them fully and integrating them. Examine your judgments and opinions. I'm pretty sure that's where you'll find the wall preventing you from integrating things. It's just a hunch, but I think it's probably right on.

Good luck, man.

 

UPDATE

This is interesting. I've had several things happen right in a row, one day right after another, that have triggered my sense of failure and worthessness--the part of me that thinks I should die and rot in hell. This emotional resonance I one of the most important ones, and hard as he'll to trigger. Always takes actual life events to trigger it. But since it's triggered now, I can bring it up whenever I want to work on it.

So each day, I've been dealing with multiple chunks of it. It's causing knee pain, stomach pain, and poor sleep after 4:30 A.M. After I dealt with each chunk, the pain in my knees and stomach reduced and eventually vanished altogether. Each took anywhere from 5-25 minutes to deal with. I'm sleeping better than I have for the past 6 years, but I haven't had but one night to really see if that's the case. Wasn't paying attention the other nights. So we'll see how the sleep goes in the next few days. I've been trying to get this dealt with for a long time. It's the source of my self-sabotage, as far as I can tell. It's also wrapped up in my unconscious definition of love. Can't wait to see what comes of this!

 

Hi
How do you learn about this process ? Is it described somewhere in this forum? Does it require guidance?
If your answer is get the book, let me tell you l live in Argentina and it is very difficult to get books into the country plus they are very expensive due to the currency exchange

 

Fabi,

Thanks for your question. Good to have you here.

Yes, you'll need the book to do the process, but if you'll give me your address, I'll buy a copy of it and send it to you at no cost to you. Doesn't cost me much, and I'm making a lot more money now than I used to, so it's no problem. You can send your contact information to my email: cephyr13@yahoo.com

Thanks again for posting, and hope to hear about your experience with the process when you get the book and begin.

 

Bryan, I know you're not looking for compliments but still want to say you're a really cool guy! That is such a kind gesture and a real gift to extend to someone! Bless you!
L

 

Hey Brian, thank you for your discussion. I have a specific question to ask. What should be the temperature of the water in water-session? Isn't body emperatre (37 degree Celsius, 97 Fahrenheit) too hot for water session?
Thanks

 

Hardwired,

No problem. I just hate to see people unable to do something like this due to their location in the world, especially if can do something about it.

 

Brian,
Thank you so much! I have met very generous people on this site, but you are taking an action that I really value. So I will write to your email with my contact details.
And I look forward to learning about the process.