If I could change one thing about my life, it would be addressing financial worries in my life, and giving myself a source of income. Not having a source of income has been a huge strain in my life for the past few years- I believe that I have been following God's will in being an actor, acting as a lead in an international feature film that shot in NYC, and even ended up in a Master's Ivy League program. But not having money has made me on many times food insecure, and stressed out, and wanted to give up my path which is currently in entertainment. Not to say that entertainment is easy! It sucks, especially acting. If I knew how shitty it was going to be, I'd have done producing and writing instead, and been a 'sometimes' actor- not dedicated my entire college career to doing something that only 1% actually succeed it. Yes, I know that God is with me, and as far as his promises go, I could be that 1%- in fact I will be, but the level of Stress and Anxiety in walking that journey is too much to bear, because of not knowing When, but having certain needs Now. Money would seriously seriously seriously help. Not like "i want to be rich money". More like "I want to be able to afford going to the park and buying myself a pair of shoes if I want money," Things were starting to normalize in 2018 but because of being an immigrant, I could only get one year of a work permit to live in America, which made me have to leave and then force myself back into school. That was infuriating. I since left the program because I was being intensely bullied by my classmates (grown full adults- I think one had some kind of disorder though- the one that spurred it on), and I realized the program was not a strong program and did not give me what I needed. No shocker there that the TMS symptoms started around that time, a year ago and a few months. With an income, I would leave the home I am in right now with my mum and sister, which is stressful twofold. Mum is unempathetic and i think has a personality disorder. When upset her conflict resolution style is unable to see the other person's perspective, and in general is like that, and I hate it. My sister struggles with illness that is specifically mental and though she is three years older than me, sometimes has the logic of a nine year old. I recently got over the fear of needing to take care of her when my mother passes, because she isn't that bad- just that she might end up living the rest of her life in this house, in her room, all day in her room, forever. I'd love to move away from them, and even get a studio and live on a mattress. I'd also start to plan for solo trips. I love travel. I love spending time with myself period. I always find great things to do, like visit museums, go to the park, take myself to dinner, plan trips for myself. This was my life in London when I did a semester abroad for about four months and I loved it. But, I can't do any of those things now, because I don't have the money for it. So infuriating. I can't take care of myself, because all the things i want to do involve some degree of financing. Even going to the park needs the ability to pay to get there. And yes I can look at the sky at home but that's still around my mother and sister. The feeling of trapped is the feeling I feel when I think about this. And profound sadness. So I wish I could get a part time online gig; honestly even $50 a week could make a difference as I am in the third world. Something that didn't take too much time and I was able to focus on my artistic gifts without the stress of not ever having enough. I've considered starting a youtube channel but the growth from that in thinking 'when will that start earning money' is 2 years. That;s with a solid channel. I don't want 2 years. I want to take myself to the park, NOW. Buy myself a cup of tea in a cafe, NOW. Plan a trip to the next town, and look at the Lake, NOW. I've been applying for the past few months but getting rejections. One good thing is that I did get a Voice Acting gig recently- that was nice. Although it is nice, and Thank you God, I need consistency. I don't like living off of a sum amount that dwindles down, goes back up, dwindles down, goes back up, etc etc. I'll keep doing more Voice gigs but as supplementary stuff. I need to find part time online work, leave this house, get my own place, start going on trips, and stop being so bloody damn stressed out. And yes, I am technically okay now. Living with my mum, housing covered, food covered. But there is more to life than just living in a house and eating food. My family members stress me out- they don't mean to, and they love me, but they do. I need way more spaaaaaaaaacccceee. And that would be nice to get the space Now. Not in 2 years. Now. The only option of the other place to live is my grandparents house (both deceased) but my failure of an uncle (sorry uncle) still lives there, and his crazy wife (sorry aunt) with extreme anger issues lives there, and that's terrifying, so that's not an option. UGH! So what am I going to do about my current predicament? Well, keep applying to jobs, maybe encourage myself in the process as I do so, keep doing voice acting gigs, and keep commanding prosperity to come my way.