What if I had a non-traumatizing childhood?

Thank you, Jan! Will check it out!

 

I swear we just hit this same topic on another thread.
Let me assure people who had 'good upbringing' (whatever that means) That as someone who had a 'very colorful' upbringing that household sanity doesn't equate 'rage free' and especially not at the unconscious level where we have no clue what goes on.
Won every sports championship every year? Always the TOP of the class? Never liked a person who didn't like you back? Never got bullied and taken advantage of by older or more protected kids? Got to go to every trip and event ever?

You get the point I am sure. Every time I sit with someone with TMS who tells me they have no rage-makers, we just haven't talked and hung out long enough..it's like Indian Poker..every one can see your cards except you. it's good to have a pal or someone close who understands TMS.

Also.. I don't know what it is/was about that particular storm/snow in/ice storm but Sooo many people had relapses and attacks of TMS...like a collective soul TMS attack. You are certainly NOT alone!
-peace

 

You asked: What if I had a non-traumatizing childhood? The answer is that a non-traumatizing childhood does not insulate you against TMS because it is only one possible source of TMS. In The Mindbody Prescription (pages 20-28 of my 1999 printing of the book), Sarno lists four unnumbered sources of TMS. The first one is trauma in infancy and childhood. The second is personality traits, of which two are perfectionism and goodism. This brings me to a Foreword Sarno wrote for a book that was authored by two psychologists who worked in his TMS
clinic at New York University, namely, Frances Sommer Anderson & Eric Sherman, Pathways to Pain Relief:

“It should come as no surprise that the first contributor to the reservoir of rage we accumulate as we go through life is childhood. In fact, the influencer of childhood emotional experiences is probably responsible for the majority of the rage . . . . Outright physical, sexual, or emotional abuse will give rise to monumental pain, hurt, sadness, and anger, all repressed, for children are protected from such feelings by the mind. I have found, however, that what might be called subtle emotional abuse is virtually universal in previous generations. It was my personal experience. Instead of unconditional love and total acceptance, we learned to conduct ourselves within behavioral parameters set forth by our parents, either explicitly or by implication. Examples: One must be good all the time; anger is not allowed; one must please mommy and daddy; children should be seen and not heard; you’d better be good or I will tell your father; the constant threat of punishment. In the years that follow, after some teenage revolt, we become compliant adults, who need to prove ourselves all the time by performing perfectly and by being ‘very good people.’ I have dubbed these tendencies ’the perfect and the good.’ . . . Without realizing it, we live our lives conforming to what is expected of us. This has very little to do with achievements, success in careers, and the like, but it has everything to do with our personal lives and how we feel as we go through life."
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My personal experience was much like Sanro's, and I came out of my chlidhoodd as an perfectionist. I endured many decades of different forms of TMS pain, starting in my grade school years and continuing for more than half a century. Happily I have been fully and completely recovered for a number years.

I of course know nothing about your personality @lucieG, but when you "think psychologically" (as Sarno prescribes) maybe it would not be a waste of time to think about how your childhood shaped your personality and how your personality traits affect your current emotional well-being. Dr. David Hanscom is a retired spine surgeon and current mindbody coach who personally overcome years of multiple forms of TMS. He had an awful childhood but for most of his life mistakenly thought it was a very good one. If I recall correctly, he attributed his mistake to the fact that it was the only childhood he had. He had nothing to compare it to.

 

Wonderful stuff. Thank you!

 

I haven’t read the book @Duggit mentions but that is pretty much my story, with a lot of extra added repressed Britishness

 

Yep. That's me. It took a lot of strength and soul-searching to look in the mirror and learn how to treat myself with compassion and care.